Oyinbo mu ti
Mo mu ko
Oyinbo gun ka
Mo gope
Oyinbo tawaya
Mo ta okun osongbo
(The white man drank tea
I make do with pap
The white man rides a car
I am also atop the palm tree
The white man lays the telegraphy lines
I lay forest twines.)
I came across this ditty, a long, long time ago, certainly before I finished Primary School in 1970. I did not realize its importance that time- the defiant black nationalism set to music. The simple essence of the song is to show that the Caucasian is no superior to the African, after all the African has achievement equal to the white man.
I recall the ditty simply because of the recent tragedy that befell the nation’s Chief Judicial Officer- the Honourable Justice Alloysuis Katsina-Alu, the Chief Justice of Nigeria.
According to newspaper and television reports, the Chief Justice of Nigeria one night was relaxing under one of the trees in his house at his Tse-Alu country home Mbayem in Ushongo Local Government Area of Benue State. The old man was not alone. He was in the good company of his wife.
Of course I do not know the content of their discussion. But I doubt whether it had anything with law.
Suddenly, suddenly, as Fela, the Fela, would say, a wind storm started gathering. Before long, the rage of the wind became alarming. And in obedience to the Yoruba saying that “Kojumaribi gbogbo ara logun e” (The answer to not witnessing any evil, is fleeing) Mrs Katsina sprang up from her chair and made post- haste towards the entrance of the house, calling her husband to follow suit.
Alas! The sprint placed her right in the way of a sturdy tree that had been violently uprooted from the ground and was rushing down, equally violently in obedience to the commands of the law of gravity. It fell on the lady of the house, killing her immediately.
The Chief Justice was luckier. Reports had it that he was knocked down and aside from his chair by a falling branch of another tree. He was still down on the ground when a heavier and bigger branch descended on his chair smashing it into several pieces.
It was clearly a freak accident, the horrendous display of the terrific might of nature acting out of sync with the usual and common orderliness and harmony of nature.
Of course a true and proper African (and who is not) raised from infancy on an unceasing diet of ill-digested and fantastic ideas and principles of metaphysical appreciation of events, will never agree to the notion that the Katsina-Alus tragedy was “a freak accident.” Simply put the African regards any event that stands apart from the usual as the handiwork of the invisible extra-terrestial forces and elements.
I have had the opportunity of discussing the incident of the Katsina-Alu tragedy with lawyers, magistrates and at least one Judge.
Interestingly, all or virtually all agreed that dark occultic and sinister forces were at play, in the death of Mrs. Mimidoo Katsina-Alu. More interestingly, they traced the malevolent forces to the door step of a particular native of Ilorin, town, Kwara State. Hear samples of their “informed opinions:”
a. “Ayeo! What manner of death is this? How can a tree just fall on somebody right in his own house”?
b. “Imagine, a wind actually uprooting a tree. I am sure it was an “attack” and actually meant for the Chief Justice, but his wife was the one that was fully caught.”
c. “There’s surely more to this incident then meets the eye. Is that the first time, the CJN and his wife would be relaxing under the tree? Why is it that it is only in their own house in the town that a tree will succumb to the wind. Who says there’s no “power” in this wicked world?”
d. “I always knew it that Ilorin people are “powerful.” Tira nbe nilorin. They will tell you that it is prayer they are doing, but we know how these things work.”
e. “If Justice so and so loves himself, he should not go and commiserate with the CJN. Those Benue people are wild. They will attack him.”
The Justice so and so referred to is the one who had a celebrated dispute with the Chief Justice a few months ago and is from Ilorin, a city reputed for potent Islamic metaphysical power.
That is enough evidence from the true and proper African mind to hold him responsible for the terrible assault on the Chief Justice and his wife.
I am very sure that the affected Judge will now be specially regarded and feared by his colleagues in the Judiciary.
“Don’t cross that man’s path o” they are already telling themselves I am sure. “Or do you want trees to fall on you like it happened to oga patapata?"
Surely the “Killer Tree Case” is our own answer to the famous “High Tree Case” decided by the immortal Lord Dennings, Master of the Rolls.
After all, “Oyinbo gun ka
Mo gope.”
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
'Tiger Monitors' By Adesina Ogunlana
Where were you all those heady Saturday s and Super Tuesday of April 2011? Probably at home, with your loved ones or friends? You were not indoors throughout, though on the election days, 2nd, 9th, 16th and 26th April 2011, I guess? You probably went to the nearest polling booth in your locale to perform your civic responsibility and then returned home.
Well that was the experience of the vast majority of our people on the aforementioned dates. In Lagos, the voting exercise was not a nightmare; there were very few people who had any bitter experience to narrate. To the happy surprise of many, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) which started off in a shaky and disorganized way, leading to the halting and postponement of the election of the 2nd April 2011, midway, got its act right and improved on its performance in the successive elections.
So good was INEC, at least in Lagos State, that even the heavens cooperated. Not for once did the skies turn lachrymose. This was a good thing, as the army of voters, who patiently endured or gracefully coped with the merciless heat of the sun, would have undoubtedly scattered and disappeared in the face of the liquid arrows from above.
Not all of us stayed home though, a few like my humble self and two dozen like minded Tigers and Tigresses (NBA Ikeja members) were out on those election days to serve as monitors.
Competent, dedicated and sincere monitors add invaluable credibility to the electoral process. Their reports and assessment of how elections were conducted present a yardstick to judge whether the process was indeed “free and fair” as conductors of the election and the winners of electoral contests are wont to claim.
We had great fun in serving as monitors. You can trust tigers. Not for us any cold, regimented approach like you will find in “ancient of days” branches. Before setting out from the Bar Centre we fortified our bellies with some yummy yummies and unlike most other groups of monitors, we were roving rangers.
Working a five team formation, we were all over Mainland, Lagos I our various operation vehicles happily donated to the cause by Tigers. Also pressed into service was our ever reliable motorized Charger, certainly the most famous and most travelled Bar bus in Nigeria, always impressive and eye catching with the legend “NBA IKEJA BRANCH” printed on its sides, likewise, front and back, in green colour.
I said our Charger was impressive and eye catching, maybe I should add ‘awe inspiring.’ In places like Ejigbo, Oshodi, Mile 2, the majestic bus and its occupants were hailed, as it rolled slowly on. “The Law!, here come the lawyers!” said the people.
On our way to Ipaja, we stopped to observe the on-going voting exercise when a fellow resting on his parked ‘Okada’ suddenly took flight, after telling the person nearest to him, “Ha, mo ri green, mo ri white, motun ri green. E mi n lo temi. Ta lo mo boya lati Abuja ni won ni ki won ti wa mu wa. (What? I see green, I see white, then green again, they (the occupants of the bus) must be government officials, who knows whether there is an instruction from Abuja that they should arrest us all. I am off!).
In some cases, the Charger and the occupants were considered supporters of Governor Babatunde Raji Fashola and the Action Congress of Nigeria (CAN) party, especially during the gubernatorial election. The reason was not farfetched. The incumbent governor and also the candidate of the CAN in the race is a legal practitioner.
The situation report of the election in almost all the more than four hundred polling units we visited was invariably the same – “peaceful, orderly and balanced.” And in the rare exceptions, the situation never got out of hand. Agents of the various parties, especially those of the CAN, PDP, CPC, Labour, APGA oft times interacted in a friendly manner.
The most sensitive periods were the sorting and counting of votes, yet the charged atmosphere never boiled over, as most people appreciated the need for caution. Losers took their losses gallantly, while winners celebrated their victory without ribbing their opponents too wickedly.
After our labours all through the mornings and afternoons, we repaired to our redoubt – the secretariat a.k.a “Bar Centre,” at the Ikeja High Court from where we had sallied forth in the morning. There, good Nigerian meals; fufu, eba, rice and beans, in the main, were set before us. We never failed to do justice to these truly tasty repasts, amidst gusts of rib-cracking jokes.
One Tiger in the middle of demolishing his plate of fufu over laden with ogbono, vegetable, egusi soups and assorted fish and meat contended that such a meal should be served dinners of the Bar instead of the usual ‘oyibo food’ (rice and ‘burnt’ chicken). He ended his submission with a call for frothy palm wine to grace Law Dinner tables instead of “Oyinbo wines.”
On a personal note, I would never forget the monitoring exercise of the April 2011 General Elections, especially the Presidential Elections of 16th April 2011.
That day was special. Not because that for the first time since 1992 (the Otedola NRC victory over over the SDP), a conservative party not only defeated a progressive incumbent government but completely white washed it electorally.
It was special because that was the day I ate the forbidden meat. At Igando. Other Tigers drank only palm wine in Igando. But I did more than that. I ate the forbidden meat. Oh how delicious, scrumptious really. The forbidden meat?
The more sinful you are, the more riotous your imagination would be raging by now.
I ate the forbidden meat. And washed same down with swigs of permitted wine. So there. Don’t ask me what the F.M was. Blessed are the brave in heart!
Friday, May 6, 2011
'Why Complain' By Adesina Ogunlana
I doubt whether that terror of the deep and the not so deep waters, the croc, can actually groan. But then can the crocodile shed tears? Yet there is a proverb that alludes to the tears of the crocodile.
To shed “crocodile tears” is to show insincere concern or pity for a person or a situation or in other words to exhibit a sympathy that is not real but is visible and apparent. In my journeys in the forest of laws, in the last ten years as the first Gecko, I have come across many interesting characters and situations, some so stunning as to beggar description or to defy reason.
A type of characters that always amuses me, in my journeys are those lawyers who are loud and active in painting the picture of the widespread Corruption in the Judiciary but become passive, even suffer self induced somnambulism, when it comes to stepping forward to unmask the “evil doers”.
I have come across so many of these crocodile groaners that I can write a manual on their behaviour. This is how they manifest.
STAGE I
A C.G (Crocodile Groaner) approaches a bar leader either with a huge frown on his face or looking very worried and agitated indeed. The Bar leader becomes alarmed in return. The C.G barely manages a choked greeting before launching his or her torrents of complaints.
“What’s the profession into! Imagine Registrar Kudilamo asking my clerk to bring #3,000.00 for just a page of a certified ruling!
“I was filing my papers when the Registry Staff said I must “drop” “#500.00:” before they can process my files”
“These magistrates are impossible! Do you know that one they call Funmilego Karikachop who sits at Ogba? He said he will not approve bail for my brother except we give him #50,000.00. After my old uncle begged and begged that was when he “simmered down” and collected #30,000.00.
STAGE 2
After laying his complaints, the C.G appears shocked or even infuriated if the Bar Leader appears to doubt his story or some parts of it. This is the typical reaction.
“Ha, ha how can you ask whether I am sure of what I am saying? Will I come all the way from my chambers to tell a lie? I say this thing happened.
“The Registrar asked my clerk for money and it was only after we gave her the #3,000.00 that we got the order”!
“I say the bailiff followed my client home to get the balance of #6,000.00 and they even entertained him with beer and chicken!”
“Don’t say impossible! It was not only possible, it happened. The judge, I repeat told my client that he didn’t mind her daughter who is the younger sister of the accused and that if that one, (her name is Donde) cooperated, he would not sentence her brother and would not even collect the #500,000.00 he earlier demanded for. And you know our people, the daughter went and they did the show but Justice Ajeranjegungun, refused to sit on the 17th that he had promised to deliver his judgement. When my client went to see him, his head Registrar turned the woman back and said that baba said she should send her message to him through her daughter Donde. Can you imagine that! The woman overheard the registrar saying that their Oga said Donde was too sweet for just one time.”
STAGE 3
Having heard all the facts and fictions of the corrupt behaviour and gross misconduct of the various officials of the Judiciary stated with so much indignation passion and conviction, by the C.G, the Bar Leader is moved to proceed against the bad eggs in the Judiciary. So he tells the C.G to “please write a strongly worded petition on this matter. Remember to state all the salient facts and the material details. Address the letter either to the Chief Judge of Lagos State, or the Chairman of the Public Complaints and Training Committee of the Lagos State Judiciary. Send us two copies of the petition either to the Chairman of our branch or the Secretary”.
STAGE 4:- (THE HOUR OF TRUTH)
When you put bullets in a gun and you pull the trigger, the gun must ejaculate! Isn’t it? When you “anoint” a fire with a gush of the spirit of petroleum, an inflammation should occur? Isn’t it? When you confront a rock with an unboiled egg, the egg must spill its guts Isn’t it?
Ha, ha, ha! It is not always so. This is what the Bar Leader finds out, that in Nigeria, two plus two can be very far from four. At this point the hither to charged “complainant” the “Crocodile Groaner” suddenly, very suddenly, but certainly transforms into something else. The toga of bravado, is shed, the sword of contention dropped, the ardour of war cooled, the rage of the storm stilled, the quest for justice dropped and the call for probity abandoned. In a second. In a twinkle of an eye. Simply unbelievable, incredible, this wondrous transformation. The song you hear now goes like this
(i) ”em, em, you see, you know……em, the thing is that, em, please understand me, one is just bothered about the arrogance of these registrars, if only they can drop that ……. How much is #2,000.00 by the way that one can’t dash somebody?
(ii) “Well I only brought this complaint to your notice for your attention. That is all. After all, you are our leaders and we must let you know what is going on and what we the ordinary practitioners daily face in the judiciary. Really I am not interested in fighting any registrar or bailiff. Is it worth it?
(iii) “Petition ke? I don’t want to be responsible for the destruction of any body’s career. You know all these people too have dependants, children, wives etc I have even promised my God never to damage anybody’s prospect in this life”.
STAGE 5
A much baffled Bar leader, could only gaze at the sorry spectacle of the transformed Crocodile Groaner. The C.G has taken at least thirty minutes of his precious time only now to turn tail when the “Forward March” order is about to be given. The Bar Leader knows more than a dozen names he could throw at the C.G. Names like “Idiot”, “fool”, “nincompoop”, “coward”, “reactionary”, “unprogressive”, but he swallowed them all. He asked only one question.
“If you knew that you wouldn’t want us to proceed against this judge or bailiff, or registrar or clerk or magistrate, WHY DID YOU COME HERE?
Ladies and gentlemen, yes you, your very selves, please answer the question.
To shed “crocodile tears” is to show insincere concern or pity for a person or a situation or in other words to exhibit a sympathy that is not real but is visible and apparent. In my journeys in the forest of laws, in the last ten years as the first Gecko, I have come across many interesting characters and situations, some so stunning as to beggar description or to defy reason.
A type of characters that always amuses me, in my journeys are those lawyers who are loud and active in painting the picture of the widespread Corruption in the Judiciary but become passive, even suffer self induced somnambulism, when it comes to stepping forward to unmask the “evil doers”.
I have come across so many of these crocodile groaners that I can write a manual on their behaviour. This is how they manifest.
STAGE I
A C.G (Crocodile Groaner) approaches a bar leader either with a huge frown on his face or looking very worried and agitated indeed. The Bar leader becomes alarmed in return. The C.G barely manages a choked greeting before launching his or her torrents of complaints.
“What’s the profession into! Imagine Registrar Kudilamo asking my clerk to bring #3,000.00 for just a page of a certified ruling!
“I was filing my papers when the Registry Staff said I must “drop” “#500.00:” before they can process my files”
“These magistrates are impossible! Do you know that one they call Funmilego Karikachop who sits at Ogba? He said he will not approve bail for my brother except we give him #50,000.00. After my old uncle begged and begged that was when he “simmered down” and collected #30,000.00.
STAGE 2
After laying his complaints, the C.G appears shocked or even infuriated if the Bar Leader appears to doubt his story or some parts of it. This is the typical reaction.
“Ha, ha how can you ask whether I am sure of what I am saying? Will I come all the way from my chambers to tell a lie? I say this thing happened.
“The Registrar asked my clerk for money and it was only after we gave her the #3,000.00 that we got the order”!
“I say the bailiff followed my client home to get the balance of #6,000.00 and they even entertained him with beer and chicken!”
“Don’t say impossible! It was not only possible, it happened. The judge, I repeat told my client that he didn’t mind her daughter who is the younger sister of the accused and that if that one, (her name is Donde) cooperated, he would not sentence her brother and would not even collect the #500,000.00 he earlier demanded for. And you know our people, the daughter went and they did the show but Justice Ajeranjegungun, refused to sit on the 17th that he had promised to deliver his judgement. When my client went to see him, his head Registrar turned the woman back and said that baba said she should send her message to him through her daughter Donde. Can you imagine that! The woman overheard the registrar saying that their Oga said Donde was too sweet for just one time.”
STAGE 3
Having heard all the facts and fictions of the corrupt behaviour and gross misconduct of the various officials of the Judiciary stated with so much indignation passion and conviction, by the C.G, the Bar Leader is moved to proceed against the bad eggs in the Judiciary. So he tells the C.G to “please write a strongly worded petition on this matter. Remember to state all the salient facts and the material details. Address the letter either to the Chief Judge of Lagos State, or the Chairman of the Public Complaints and Training Committee of the Lagos State Judiciary. Send us two copies of the petition either to the Chairman of our branch or the Secretary”.
STAGE 4:- (THE HOUR OF TRUTH)
When you put bullets in a gun and you pull the trigger, the gun must ejaculate! Isn’t it? When you “anoint” a fire with a gush of the spirit of petroleum, an inflammation should occur? Isn’t it? When you confront a rock with an unboiled egg, the egg must spill its guts Isn’t it?
Ha, ha, ha! It is not always so. This is what the Bar Leader finds out, that in Nigeria, two plus two can be very far from four. At this point the hither to charged “complainant” the “Crocodile Groaner” suddenly, very suddenly, but certainly transforms into something else. The toga of bravado, is shed, the sword of contention dropped, the ardour of war cooled, the rage of the storm stilled, the quest for justice dropped and the call for probity abandoned. In a second. In a twinkle of an eye. Simply unbelievable, incredible, this wondrous transformation. The song you hear now goes like this
(i) ”em, em, you see, you know……em, the thing is that, em, please understand me, one is just bothered about the arrogance of these registrars, if only they can drop that ……. How much is #2,000.00 by the way that one can’t dash somebody?
(ii) “Well I only brought this complaint to your notice for your attention. That is all. After all, you are our leaders and we must let you know what is going on and what we the ordinary practitioners daily face in the judiciary. Really I am not interested in fighting any registrar or bailiff. Is it worth it?
(iii) “Petition ke? I don’t want to be responsible for the destruction of any body’s career. You know all these people too have dependants, children, wives etc I have even promised my God never to damage anybody’s prospect in this life”.
STAGE 5
A much baffled Bar leader, could only gaze at the sorry spectacle of the transformed Crocodile Groaner. The C.G has taken at least thirty minutes of his precious time only now to turn tail when the “Forward March” order is about to be given. The Bar Leader knows more than a dozen names he could throw at the C.G. Names like “Idiot”, “fool”, “nincompoop”, “coward”, “reactionary”, “unprogressive”, but he swallowed them all. He asked only one question.
“If you knew that you wouldn’t want us to proceed against this judge or bailiff, or registrar or clerk or magistrate, WHY DID YOU COME HERE?
Ladies and gentlemen, yes you, your very selves, please answer the question.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
