'Why Evil Thrives' By Adesina Ogunlana

Why does evil thrive? There are many answers to this question but one real reason I know is this:- Evil can only thrive in good soil. I am talking now like the son of a farmer that I am. By the way, my dad, daddy 1 still farms at his ‘etile’ farm at 83.

Evil is a seed. Like any seed it needs a conductive environment, to wit appropriate soil, fertilisers, sun-light, moisture, absence of bullying weeds etc to grow well and bear bountiful fruits.

In the absence of a conducive atmosphere, supportive of aspirations to bloom, then evil wallowing in lack, will wilt, wither and waste. I bet you anywhere you see evil thriving, strutting confidently and shamefully about, you can be sure that, it has received fat and active support at inception.

There is a famous quotation that evil thrives, when good men keep silent. On the surface, that statement looks quite reasonable and unassailable. But I tell you, that statement is false and a mis-representation of the true facts and realities of life.

You see good men, if indeed they are so, cannot keep quiet in the presence of evil. If you drop a paste of pepper and tomato in frying oil, the oil cannot keep sealed lips. It will yell and scream its annoyance. If a deer dares a dance in front of an unchained tiger, you can be sure that the cat will not be nodding its head in appreciation.

Evil and goodness are neither friends nor relatives. They are foes, irreconcilable enemies that irritate, antagonise and necessarily activate each other to different and opposite directions. But sometimes men mistake some members of the Brotherhood of Evil as members of the Society of the Good. This is what I mean, when evil is committed or being perpetrated, the focus is on those I call the Section 7(a) performers- the actual doers. Their aiders and abettors even counselors are not easily known because they wear cloaks of silence and visage of gentility. These are folks, who when they hear Evil, they keep quiet. When they see Evil, they keep even more silent, when they sense Evil, they shrug and when they smell Evil, they grow dumb.

But when they see and hear that evil is apprehended and justly punished, they receive instant deliverance from their afflictions of deafness, blindness and muteness. They holler, they even cry and shed tears over the plight of the wicked receiving his just deserts. They become apostle of mercy, forgiving spirit and emergency espousal of the principles of not rewarding Evil with Evil.

In effect many so called good men, who cause evil to thrive, by their silence in the face of evil, are actually fake good men. In truth and in light, they are Evil. In such a group or community of people, the truly good are in the minority.

Verily then I say unto you, Evil can only thrive where and when Evil is in the majority, a comfortable majority for that matter.
I was inclined on this line of thought by the reactions of some readers of our recent story in the Squib that a new wig wrongly and unlawfully appropriated a tailored and configured piece of textile materials of another lawyer.

The class of readers I refer to above appeared to be more concerned that the identity of the purloiner was exposed to “the whole world” and the possible ruination of his career than the sordidness of his ugly and professionally unacceptable behaviour. Thus they accused the Squib Editor of “wickedness” callousness and even treachery. However the questions these “good men” could not answer was:
Should a thief be a lawyer?
Or put another way,
Should a lawyer be a thief?

Sotuminu: Doctor of What Laws? By Adesina Ogunlana

About two months ago, a friend, a learned friend, in the premises of the Ikeja High Court, informed me of the (then) recent elevation of Ibitola Adebisi Sotuminu former Chief Judge of Lagos State into the pantheon of intellectual gods. The information came in a rather oblique manner. It went thus:

Learned friend: Squib, congratulation, on your wife’s elevation. When are you celebrating it?
Learned friend: My wife? What celebrations?
Learned friend: Stop pretending we all read about it in the papers, the conferment of an LLD Honoris Causa on (Justice) Sotuminu, last week.

I was taken aback by the news, but did not grant the shock I felt a podium to display its presence. You know of course as I do that it will be a serious breach of protocol for an inamorato to be seen, in public, displaying facial signs of disapproval of his supposed inamorata’s success.
Interestingly, quite a lot of people like to refer to Sotuminu C.J as my wife. A rather preposterous idea, if you ask me, but the wifehood tag has stuck with me or do we say, with us.
The reality however is that I am no fan of the former Lagos State Chief Judge and I will be flabbergasted to know she ever had any tender feelings for me. Of course that was, and still is, an impossibility. All true Squibbers know why “my wife” and I differ-Squib.
You may call me jaundiced but I will talk straight and true, Ibitola Sotuminu CJ (as she then was and never be again) does not deserve such rich honours of the award of a LLD Honours Causa from any citadel of learning, worth its salt.

Round pegs should be put in round holes and honours should be give, not to every Tom, Dick and Harry, but to whosoever it is due.
One will really like to know way the Lagos State University (LASU) decided to put such a big crown of intellectualism on Sotuminu’s head?
The question is important, considering the fact that in all her long years of stewardship in judicial positions (from March 1969-March 2004) she exhibited no mental majesty. In simple language, as a judge (and she was on the bench for a total of thirty five years), even her greatest sympathizers will not attribute intellectualism to Sotuminu J. Indeed if the truth were told, perspicacity-wise, she was a very ordinary judge, with no outstanding grasp of jurisprudence of laws or even mere laws of jurisprudence.

I challenge anybody to show even the slightest proof to the contrary! Thus to me conferring an LLD Honours Causa on such an intellectual low-lifer is as ridiculous as rating Lagos State University, itself the best tertiary institution in the world!

I have heard of some other legal practitioners who had had similar Honours bestowed on them. Obafemi Awolowo was one. Taslim Elias was another. Gani Fawehinmi is also one. Bola Ajibola, is yet another one. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t’ say, oh what a wicked boy, but I ask you, “is it right and proper that, “my wife” should be listed in the company of such titans?”

LASU (unfortunately my alma mater) should be carpeted for daring to ‘spoil’ Sotuminu with such a hugely underserved title and award. The conferment is an insult to the legal profession in general and to the Judiciary in particular general. This, because the conferment is tantamount to saying that Sotuminu is one of the best and brightest minds in the legal profession, whereas her verifiable performance indicate the stark opposite, or near opposite. And it must not be forgotten that before she hurriedly retired from the office of chief judge in 2004 at least 22 of her judges wrote a petition, against her to the National Judicial Council questioning and financial integrity and the handling of NJC funds meant for the maintenance of various high courts. Such a petition was unprecedented.

And, LASU, too should be ashamed of herself, for honouring quite a wrong person so greatly. Or does it mean, that the University saw no better candidates for the big honour? That of course is just not possible. Cry, then, the beloved School!

'Cross-Examination' By Adesina Ogunlana

In the temple of justice, when you want to ferret out some facts or truths - truths unpleasant to your opponents, the minister you press to work is cross-examination. Truths as we all know, have a tendency of embarrassing us, beaming on us a penetrating search light of probity on our actions, inactions, even intentions and motives showing to the whole world our guilt and culpability.

A man said to be guilty of any infraction, particularly moral ones, is likened immediately to a toad - a smelly, dirty, ugly creature. When a man turns toad, society frowns on him and distances itself from his presence.

To avoid the pain and embarrassment of societal rejection and multiple sanctions, only very few people readily own up to their mis-deeds.
That is why, for example, a thief answers the name “Honest Joe,” a murderer may well be a doctor and a serial rapist can be found complaining of loss of libido. In short, people hardly confess to their true nature but may project the very opposite characteristics. Getting the truth therefore out of a person determined otherwise, especially in the hostile and combative atmosphere of the court room is quite an up-hill task. It is as easy as milking a roaring lioness!

Cross-examination is a game of wit, transcending mere intellectual keen-ness, but involving emotional stability, physical stamina and mastery of human and environment psychology. Even before the hunt (the cross-examination) starts both the hunter (cross-examiner) and the hunted (the cross-examinee) know what they both want. The hunter wants the game, the hunted wants to keep the game to himself, for all time.

Secondly, the hunted knows that great is his loss peradventure, the ‘game’ should be taken away from him, much to the great advantage of his opponent.

Thirdly, the hunted (though not always) comes prepared to thwart the ambition of the hunter. The hunted often has a coach, who would have sharpened his wits, boosted his confidence, brightened his eyes and armed him with an unseen roadmap to guide him away from the booby traps of the hunter.

When a cross-examiner faces a battle ready cross-examinee, the situation can be likened to a hungry lion facing a large mountain gorilla.
The result is unpredictable. So how can one most successfully overcome a witness of falsehood in the court-room?

Brute force, relentless charging, and direct attack hardly does the trick. To such tactics, the prepared witness has only one answer – flat, plausible denials.

I teach you a better way: marry the gentility of a dove with the sagacity of a serpent in handling your quarry. Your seeming foolishness and weakness would have done irreparable damage before Mr. Hunted realizes that the foundation of his castle of mendacity has sunk well below sea-level.
This is the “A-O-MERIN-JOBA theory of cross-examination. Sorry did you ask. “What is a o merin joba? Ask any true son or daughter of Adam, sorry, Oduduwa.

'Government As Fraud' By Adesina Ogunlana

It is quite fashionable, in Lagos State now to the fan of Babatunde Obamaraji Fashola Esq. S.A.N. Obamaraji is the Governor of Lagos State.

'The River Died' By Adesina Ogunlana

It was late in the evening of Monday last week, and I was wending my way home when they met me. I had just alighted from my mechanised chariot and took some steps towards the gate of my domicile when I heard a very loud hiss, behind and around me.

'Who Seats Where?" By Adesina Ogunlana

I was not there. But then I was also there. You see wherever a gecko is, there also my spirit is. So I was there when a mild but important drama happened in the court of Honourable Justice Ojikutu-Oshode on Wednesday 18th February 2009.
The drama involved two lawyers and one judge. Since only one judge sits at the High Court, the identity of the judge in question is obvious.
The first lawyer is a very senior member of the legal profession, actually a house-hold name – Chief G.O.K Ajayi S.A.N. The second lawyer is a state counsel.
As we all know, State Counsel especially those in Lagos and not properly advised, love sitting in the inner-bars of the courts. However according to my source, the lady lawyer in question used to come over to the inner-bar to sit mostly on the invitation of another well known lawyer, Alhaji Femi Okunnu S.A.N, who was in the same matter with Chief Ajayi.
On the 18th February 2009, Chief G.O.K Ajayi was in Justice Ojikutu-Oshode’s court. The lady state counsel was equally present. As usual, the lady soon found herself a spot in the inner bar to sit.
Chief Ajayi on this very occasion raised an objection to her presence in the inner bar, since she was not a silk. To Chief Ajayi’s surprise however, the judge said it was within her ladyship discretion to allow Counsel to sit in the inner bar, even when no silk.

A miffed Chief Ajayi demurred but the honourable judge insisted on her point, where upon Chief Ajayi moved his noble presence from the inner bar and chose a spot in the outer bar to carry on his work.

The great man’s silent and dignified protest was effective, destablising the composure of both the presiding judge and the “upstart” state counsel. The lady counsel, as if stung, packed her bags hastily and moved of the narrow corridor of privilege to the wide expanse of the commonality of the outer bar where she properly belonged.
Noticing her compliance, Chief Ajayi, as gentle as ever came back to the inner bar.
All this drama took place under six minutes. Moral: you don’t need to raise your voice to make a point.
N.B:
1. A registrar of the Ojikutu-Oshode court, has related an official version of the drama to one of our geckos. According to the gentleman, the state counsel was invited to the inner bar, only for the purpose of using the microphone mounted there (for electronic recording) and that once Chief Ajayi protested, the honourable presiding judge directed the state counsel to vacate the inner bar. I take that for what it was – an official version.
Well, in gecko land official versions of any event are eaten with large spoonfuls of salt.
2. for those who may not know of all counsel in our Ministries of Justice only the Honourable Attorneys-General, Solicitors-General, and Directors of Public Prosecution, silk or no, that can sit in the inner bars of our courts.

'June 8 1998 Re visted' By Adesina Ogunlana

There is, so said Solomon David, the third King of old Israel, a time to live and a time to die. People gets born everyday and likewise they die, daily. But when a person shall become indifferent to oxygen is a day nobody knows.

This Death takes his victims, most of the times unawares. A man may just take a stroll down his street, only for him to return to his abode a corpse. Courtesy, the Grain Reaper.
And just about anything can serve as an Eviction order the mortal, sending him willy-nilly down the River styx. A feather has knocked down a giant before, not to talk of a sneeze.
A wink, perharps from a femine fatale, has done deadly damage. That was why a sage I known sang this song.

Iku O, Iku O,
Maderu iku bami
Igbese ni’ku je
Gbogbo wa la ma san
Olowo aiye aku
Talaka ilu olo
Ologbon a ye n’ku
Ka to wa so mugo
Ajaja awon ti won
lawon to ni le
gbogbo won lo ma ku o
gbere!
Death, Oh, Death
Don’t threaten with Death
Is death not a general debt
That all mortals must re-pay
The wealthy do die
Certainly, so too the wretched
The wise and the clever perish
Not to mention scatter-brains
In particular those who rejoice
And best of being principalities
In this world
All will succumb to death all!

Dying, being so common-place is no big deal, after all. How the society receives the news an individual’s-death is a different thing all-together.
Generally as a role, the society regrets the exit of a member it considers useful or promising such exits are marked with palpable display of sorrow. But when the story is otherwise, society rejoices and heaves sighs of relief. “Ketekete ku, iso pin” (Good riddance to bad rubbish) they say.
On June 8 1998, when the news of the sudden death of the “Maximum Ruler General Sanni Abacha filtered to town, Majority of Nigerians, became intoxicated with exhilarating joy! Spontaneous celebrates broke out in many parts of the country, almost as if everybody had become jackpot millionaires.
The reason was not far fetched-when alive, the despotic and murderous Abacha was a terror to his nation.
Last Monday (23rd February 2009) was a day of general contagion of excitement and happiness in the Lagos state judiciary and the bar. Some people were so happy that they walked about on their heads.
I made a discreet enquiry as to the cause of popular delirium and discovered that the cause of the mass happiness was the cover story of an “Obnoxious Publication”
I went to read the story myself and I couldn’t understand why people were besides themselves with excitement. To me it was actually a small story of a Chief Judge who will soon leave office ahead of his due time.
Pray what’s so special about that?

'The Dangerous Stream' By Adesina Ogunlana

There is a mystery stream in the “Compound B” of the Ikeja High Court. The stream in specific terms is located in the very slight depression between the stalls of law books and paraphernalia sellers and the entrance of the new repositioned court of Honourable Justice Kazeem Alogba. The mystery about this river does not lie in its source or emergence, even though it was suddenly one recent morning, that eyes opened only to find that a stream had sprouted up in that very place. The mystery, or at least one aspect of the mystery of this stream is that it is an on and off creature or better still, it is a week-day body of water. What I mean as this, from Monday to Friday, the stream, never more than eight feet long at the most could be clearly seen (albeit with a shudder) covering an area that cannot seat two cows comfortably. But on week ends, (Saturdays and Sundays) and up to 8.00a.m on Monday mornings, the stream disappears.
The other aspect of the mystery about this stream is that, even though it publicly and brazenly even, harbours colourful but deadly enemies of human beings such as cholera, alias ‘mass killer’, dysentery alias “tear stomach” typhoid a.k.a “the finisher” meningitis a.k.a “The stiffener” etc passersby, including supposedly learned folks march merrily even sometimes stamp over this deadly stream with little or no concern. How blind, even plain stupid human beings can get.

Worried about the existence of this very dangerous, little stream, I conducted an investigation as to its source and how it can be eradicated. This is what I discovered:- the stream is the creation of certain priests in the temples of justice located in the area. These priests are assistants of various categories of the Chief priests in these temples. These priests often go to some small rooms to off-load, after quaffing some liquids and eating some sacrifices in the line of duty.

When they off load, some of their rejects instead of going to oblivion in the depths of the earth, escape through some cracks in the conduit pipes and seep out onto the wide palms of the earth. These priests do not work or come to their temples on Saturdays and Sundays, hence the drying up of the stream on these two days!

This Monday morning, I am sure that our sight will again be assaulted with the greenish and brownish coloured stream. What can be done about this odious stream? One would have suggested that a ban on eating, drinking and “off-loading” while at work be placed on the gods responsible for the odious little stream, but then is it not true that to pass waste is human?
Thus the only viable solution is the immediate and adequate repair of the sewage system. If it is only shameful to see the excreta and other bodily wastes of priest, one might not have minded so much. But the presence of these odious matters in the open, as you all know is highly dangerous.

A temple of justice should not be turned into embassies to the cemetery. So let the employers of these priest (the Lagos State Judiciary) take action. Prompt, effective action. Cholera, typhoid, dysentery, meningitis etc are not the best of companies for men. So there!

'Cogent Reasons and Other Excuses' By Adesina Ogunlana

Practically everybody knows how useful exercises are to the human body. Especially when the bodies in question have been immersed in sedentary living. Such bodies just soak in the easy life without giving much away or out. Little wonders such bodies tend to be stiff, disease prone and in some cases, ungainly.

Just like the mind, indolence kills the body, albeit slowly. Activity is the body’s best friend. To get the best out of the body, it needs to be tasked, stretched, pulled, twisted and generally moved about and for such a time to generate heat and sweat.

Now, only few people like to submit the body for exercise. In their minds’ eye exercise means “pain” Discomfort, Inconvenience’ even Embarrassment. Little wonder they find all manners of excuses and reasons to avoid exercise to the body.

Today I will list out some of the “cogent reasons” I have heard from people dodging participation in the weekly weekend sports programme of the Nigerian Association Ikeja. Here we go:

1. MY HOUSE IS TOO FAR
2. I DON’T HAVE A CAR
3. MY SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE SPECIAL
4. I HAVE A WEDDING TO ATTEND
5. I AM TOO OLD TO PARTICIPATE
6. I WILL TRAVEL ON SATURDAY
7. SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE TOO COLD TO GO OUT
8. IT WLL RAIN
9. THERE ARE LIONS IN THE STREET
10. I WILL GO TO MY CHAMBERS
11. MY WIFE WILL COMPLAIN
12. MY HUSHAND WILL NOT AGREE
13. V.I.Os WILL BE ON THE ROADS
14. WE ARE ONE A 250 DAY FAST IN OUR CHURCH
15. I DON’T HAVE ‘TRAINERS’
16. I HAVE TO ATTEND MY TAILOR’S GRANDFATHER BURIAL
17. NEXT SATURDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY
18. I’M NOT FEELING TOO WELL
19. MY IN-LAWS WILL BE VISITING
20. I WILL BE VISITING MY IN-LAWS
21. I’M TAKNG THE KIDS OUT
22. DOING EXERCISE CANNOT HELP MY FAT BODY (ITS ONLY GOD)
23. I AM TOO THIN
24. IS THE GOVERNOR COMING?
25. SATURDAY IS VAL'S DAY

Very cogent reasons!

'Daddy Special' By Adesina Ogunlana

Some days ago, last week a well attended programme to mark the (post humous) 100th birth-day of Obafemi Awolowo S.A.N took place at the Airport Hotel.

If any one doubts the credentials of Awolowo as a titan in Nigerian politics, such should be asked whether they have across any dying or living whom is constantly referred to as “the safe.”

At the occasion encomiums flowed like a flood poured on “the best president Nigeria never had.” As usual with any Awotalk, the sagacity, organizational genius, thoroughness, integrity, patriotism etc of the late husband of Hannah Idowu Dideolu were high-lighted.

Obafemi Awolowo, died in 1987 at the age of 78 years. If he were alive, he would have been one hundred years. In another twenty-­two years, another giant from Ogun State, a lawyer as well and silk too, would be one hundred years old.

This giant was with me on January 19 2009 in Abuja. I was not on holiday and funny enough, I didn’t go there for business, yet I necessarily had to be there. I went to Abuja that day as a warrior. To fight the battle of my career on a turf chosen by my enemies. But ‘small boy’ gecko was not alone. God was with me. Then, one of my three earthly fathers, Daddy 3 was with me. This Daddy is the giant.

For the six years of the battle, the giant has been with me. He’s sticking to his solemn promise he made to me those early turbulent days. Said Daddy 3,
“I will always go with you.
I’ll be there with you, personally”
And that’s what the giant has been doing. And with great style too. What touches me most is the bewildering humility and grace, my daddy brings to the struggle - the giant does not shepherding as if I was the one doing him a favour!

Let me just give you two samples of what I have been stuttering about. The night before we left for Abuja, I was in the giant’s house. The Iroko had been toiling almost all day long on my case. When it was time to go, daddy 3 now offered a special fruit drink, which to my utter embarrassment, he proceeded to serve. Now this was a man who had been called to the bar, some three years before my mother crossed the threshold of marital conjugality!

Secondly after the day’s battle at Abuja on the 19 January, 2009 the giant and I made our way to the Airport. Right from day one, the only thing the giant allows me do for him on such trips and even then, not with some reluctance is to carry his bag. I dare not pay for any expense of his.

At the Airport, the Giant suddenly looked at me and said “well I’ll be traveling. Business class. That meant some seven thousand naira more than the fare of the “Dugbe” class. I had to express my own limitation which restricted me necessarily to go “Dugbe Class”. Then the giant with just the slightest tease of amusement asked “Aren’t you now above fifty years? When I answered in the affirmative saying that my age is at an equidistance between forty and fifty years, the Iroko uttered these unforgettable lines or at least words to that effect:
“So when do you want to start enjoying your life? And before one could say Abdul-Ralmon Shugaba Vs Minister of Internal Affairs, the giant had paid his fare and mine too!

I pray that in twenty years time, Daddy 3 would still be alive. But I don’t want to wait that long to tell of my father’s goodness.
Afterall if the adage is that:
“tomo eni bad a kawi
ki se pe a fe fi se aya
(If one’s child is a beauty let’s say it.
It not as if one is passing the compliment so as to have her for a wife) then my own home made proverb should be true too. The proverb goes thus:
“Bi baba eni ba dara kawi
Ki see pe a fe so do osa”
(If one’s father is good we should say it passing the compliments do not mean we want to make him a deity).

'Living in the Bar' By Adesina Ogunlana

Of course, I know you dear friend was called to the bar. But do you live in the bar? Mind you I didn’t say whether you lived by the bar or on the bar.
Living in the bar can be so exciting, you may not know. To live in the bar is to be an active member of the Nigerian Bar Association, who participates in the various programmes of the association either locally or nationally, even internationally.
Active members of the NBA are called barmen. They are so different from those who merely are lawyers but have little or no contact with the NBA, beyond a nodding acquaintance. Lawyers disinterested in bar activites are like those who have life, but not life more abundantly. Let me give you just a slice of the life in the bar.
On Wednesday 26th of November 2008, a company of Ikeja Tigers set off to Minna in their famous branded bus. They were seven Tigers and one Gecko-Tiger. Traveling by road especially over long distances can be fun, especially where you have wide leg space and you are not driven by a Jehu. Your condition is even made much more interesting by frequent access to repasts of all sorts.
When the Tigers finally arrived Minna, it was 12.00am. But they landed on the laps of a swinging party, made of other bar men from all over the country. That party did not effectively wound up until 4.00am. Of course at the said party much were the tears of Bacchus.
The next morning, the NBA, held her first National Executive Council Meeting under Rotimi Akeredolu SAN as president. As to be expected, when the NBA meets, sparks fly as arguments collide with counter arguments and intelligence swing against knowledge. But it was not only the attendees that created or contributed to the scintillating atmosphere of intellectual engagement.
Check out the M. B. Aliyu the Governor of Niger State. What a witty, profound analytical and erudite speaker! Bashing those Nigerians who claim that Islamic Education is the only worthwhile knowledge to have, the chief servant (that’s how the Niger Governor is officially addressed) declared that they couldn’t be right in the light of the admonition of the Prophet (Mohammed) that in the quest for knowledge, believers should even go to the city of sin (Beijing).
The Chief Servant capped his brilliant submissions and projections when he caused the Niger State Government to donate to the NBA purse, the sum of five million naira only. While the meeting was in progress after the exit of the Governor, a gecko was seen, leaving the meeting place to visit the aviary of the Hydro Hotel, the venue of the NEC meeting.
It was no big aviary and it had only two types of feathered fliers a tribe of geese and a couple of ostriches. It was my first time of seeing live Ostriches. What impressive birds. Those giant birds at full height could not be less than nine feet each and were so big that both could not have measured less than 400 kilogrames. Seeing them with my “korokoro” eyes quickened my understanding of the Bible verse that describes the bird as “the mighty Ostrich that laugh the horse and its rider to scorn”. Too big to be intimidated, I left the Ostriches well enough, to harass the geese. I created a particular squawking noise that got the geese agitated.
On Friday, we bade farewell to Minna. The departure took place in the afternoon and we headed for a town in Osun State. A tilapia (member of the NBA Lagos, a.k.a Lagos Branch) had the wonderful fortune of sharing part of the journey with us. Needless to say he was ribbed to pieces. The poor fish was taken to task why his Premier (soap) branch hardly uses her bus to-travel outside Lagos State. Then he was brutally reminded that given his youthfulness (just in his early forties) he would only become the chairman of his water-logged branch, ruled by gerontocrats, may perhaps in the next thirty years. The fish tried his marine best to counter the Tigers but then the odds understandably weighed too much against him-one tilapia in the (ambulatory) den of seven tigers!
Another guest of the Tigers who chose to travel with us from Minna, a female promissory note and a polygot to boot (when last did you meet an Igbo person who speaks Yoruba with a strong Ekiti accent flavour) was not so troubled. In fact how this post conference material was packaged into the tiger train still remained half a mystery.
When we reached Ilorin at about 8.00p.m, the Tilapia gratefully disembarked. The Tigers kept moving towards their destination in Osun State. About an hour later an unknown creature (I suspected a baby scorpion) deposited a penetrating sting into my behind while I was reeling from shock, bewilderment and pain, the other tigers were in various fits of mirthful amusement. There I was, disturbed, with pain holding an unconstitutional conference in my precious behind and worried at what actually stung or bit me and all the commiserations I could get from fellow Tigers went thus.
“Stop disturbing us my friend. No scorpion bit you, just a small ant and you are shaking like this?”
“Well, ‘they’ finally got you. Since you are proving too difficult for easy disbarment, they’ve now used a different method”.
“Let’s see whether G.O.K (Chief G.O.K Ajayi S.A.N) can bail you out of this?”
“Oh you man of little faith. Just turn your bum to me. I will only need to lay hands on it and the pain will go. But you must have faith o!
One of the Tigers, a leading Pentecostal pastor who managed to pray for me did so with a chuckle in his eyes and a twinkle in his throat. Respite finally came to me when we reached our destination. When the mother of our host heard of my travail, epa ijebu a potent local anti-venom was produced. I became quickly healed when the matriarch ordered for a “Buledi” to be fetched to make an incision on the sting-spot for the medicine to be applied.
I opted to oral and massage therapies and they worked wonderfully well. I fully recovered my joiue vivore in the face of hot amala and bush meat suffused egusi soup that was produced within minutes of our arrival.
The next day, a Saturday was another exciting day spent in company of many tigers and other lesser bar men. The adventures of that day in Ora and Oyan (where Joel Anwo, also a tiger saw off his late father with a befitting burial ceremony) towns will fill a small story book.
Tara! But when will you too start to live in the bar?

'Femi's Agoniste' By Adesina Ogunlana

When the list came out, I knew his name would not be there. Boy was I right! And come December 16 2008, when the new titled men take office, he will not be there. So many people have been lamenting that his name was not on the list. As if it is anything new. In 2007, he was not found eligible in the first instance and so was not even called for the “Qualification Interview.”

I really wonder why people are attacking the conferrers of these titles on legal practitioners. Such critics are making it out as if it is our man’s right to be awarded the title. Of course the title in question is not the birth-right of anybody, er well, everybody.

For some people it is their birth-right or nearly so. If you doubt me, look in the direction of one well known Chambers in Ibadan which claims that God is with them. Of course that Chambers is the leading bakery of the title in question in Nigeria. With God and man helping them, the God-with-me Chambers has incubated many title owners in the last fifteen years.

Frankly, I wonder at those criticising the side-lining of our man-femora. First of all our man has not purged himself, sufficiently of his Ife-grown ideology. He is always in court for the wrong set of people. People like Ken Saro Wiwa and lately Okah, the super-militant. Even though he is now a rich man, he is yet a rebel, which even makes him worse. Now why should any sensible group of judges elevate a rebel onto the throne? We all know what happened when Moses a slave by birth was made a prince by adoption.

Secondly, how would the infallible scriptures which says that a “prophet has no honour in his town” be proved right if our man should also land himself another award, this time a local one. About a month ago, in Diegoland, our man was given an international award. The ceremony of the conferment did not take place in Okija Shrine, rather it happened in the “very before” of the whole world. But back home, the story was different, rightly so, for the scriptures, as his pastor-wife will confirm, cannot be broken.

Aside the issue of the scriptures, the granters of the title in their wisdom knew that too much of a good thing for an individual often proves injurious.
They must have feared that if our man should take a coveted local title, so soon after an international one, he may become unbearably swollen headed on account of his on-shore and off-shore achievements.

As things stand now, the sting of rejection at the local level will moderate the exhilaration of the conferment of the more universal accolade.
Something came to my mind, just now as, I was thinking of ending this piece. There were about forty either people apart from our man, who did not receive the Privilege Committee’s nod to gain elevation but nobody is talking about the rejection of these other people, almost as if it was only our man who was denied the title. Now that in itself is a distinction and recognition. A recognition you don’t apply for, even push for. A true distinction.

'Xavier's Tears' By Adesina Ogunlana

Xavier is my friend. My learned friend. The other day we were in court together. Before a High Court Judge. On the same side of a criminal matter we were, Xavier my friend.

That day in court, as had become ‘traditional’ the matter could not go on. It is one of those cases where mishaps collapse on bad-luck, before colliding with accidents and in an effort to be extricated from the web of complication bump into a bog, only to sink into a quagmire! In such cases, you have plenty of motion but no movement. You are almost in the same shoes of the proverbial man toiling with a basket to empty the ocean! All the stake-holders in such cases are caught in a blind and sometimes it takes miracles for them to get out of the woods.

The day in question, it soon became pretty clear that a Prince of Persia was still active in the case. Of course adjournment of the case was inevitable. The culprit, this time around, responsible for the delay was the prosecution. So it made all the necessary “supplications” to the court to grant an adjournment. The honourable court did not appear too impressed but had no choice than to grant the wish of the prosecution. In the interest of justice.

In the interest of justice the court could not just bless the prosecution’s desire without hearing from the defence. The Chief Priest started from me. “Yes Mr. Ogunlana?” I said one or two words – and sat down. Then the Chief Priest asked from my friend. My friend Xavier. Then Xavier did the unexpected. He went lachrymose. Come and see tears. Xavier wept. Wept, not from the eyes. His words were his tears, words of lamentation.

According to my friend – he had had enough of the jinxed case, where no progress had been made for about three years. However, it was not the stand still that made my friend cry out. It was the fact that “My lord, since 2004, I have been doing this case without getting a kobo. My client is poor. My lord if by the next adjourned date progress can’t still be made, I’ll respectfully apply to the honourable court to be allowed from further participation.”

If my friend Xavier had hoped for a judicial assent to his “Escape Route” proposition, he was mistaken. Sorely. The Judge said Xavier would have to see the case to the very end.
Clearly Xavier was in a fix. He earned everybody’s sympathy, except that of a particular gecko. This is what the gecko later told me after the case was adjourned.
“I wonder why you people were sympathising with a man who has decided to conduct his business contrary to the commands of the Bible. Or have you not heard of the Scripture that says “The labourer is worthy of his wages.” That scripture, if I need to tell you is the totality of the law and jurisprudence of contract. According to the Bible, it is the normal, proper, just thing for a labourer to collect, receive something in exchange for his labour, sweat. That something is called Wages. From whom does the labourer receive the Wages? From God? No. From his friends or relatives? No. From passers by? No. From good-Samaritans? No. From Caesar? No.
The labourer can only receive his wages from him that he gave his labour to. Elementary, a point you say? Too elementary if you ask me. A labourer, mind you, is not a slave. Also note that the Bible does not say a slave is entitled to wages. It is true that a slave labours, but he is not a labourer labouring for his own good. His exertions, his sweat, his productivity is for the benefit and progress of another man. While a labourer is a passenger in the vehicle of achievement, a slave is just the fuel and the wheel of the vehicle.

I wonder why you people were feeling sorry for Xavier. I can feel sorry for a slave – his status is compelled on him. But when a labourer freely converts himself into a slave, why shed tears for him. I looked at Xavier in the courtroom – he was thin and looked harried – the perfect picture of a slave. I looked at his client turned slave owner or master and he too looked his part - robust, even plump, soft, rounded and relaxed. And this is the man Xavier said was too poor to even pay a farthing for the services of a good, competent and dedicated lawyer! Eh, stop feeling sorry for Xavier. Stop feeling sorry for your self too. Just go and get smart. Do you want to stop being a slave – lawyer? Then, go and get a copy of a book called “UNDERSTANDING THE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL LAWYERS”The author’s name is “The First Gecko.” Lawyer slaves, go to the Gecko, and learn wisdom, jo!

"The Bad Old Days' By Adesina Ogunlana

Everybody or almost everybody has been told that I have a case to answer before the Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee at Abuja on Monday the 10th November 2008. The Announcer was none other than the 'trial court' itself, and for maximum coverage used a popular national daily newspaper to advertise the “coming event.”

The case has been on, at least on the cause list for five years. Five years of motion without movement, burning without heat.
Surprisingly there are many lawyers who do not know why I am on the cross of prosecution or that I am still standing trial before the LPDC. Such folks, in season, out of season, walk up to me, to enquire why the “Abuja Summons?”

This piece is actually meant for the innocent and the young at the bar and, well, the old but the forgetful. Let no one mislead you about my case with the LPDC. I have defrauded no one, I have cheated nobody. I have not committed any contempt. And no judge can say of me as an advocate appearing before him that I deserve prosecution. I am not insolent.
I am before the “Sanhedrin” for the crime, of speaking out. Speaking out, loudly, boldly, directly and truthfully. I am on the cross for having the guts to tell the truth, no matter whose ox is gored.

The Squib, I tell you and you are hearing from the horse's mouth, was born as a reaction. A reaction to rot, a reaction wrought from the fire of indignation at the abuse and misuse of office at all layers of authority in the Judiciary, as well as in the bar.

I tell you in 1996 when I became a legal practitioner, the Lagos State Judiciary was in no healthy shape. Bribery, even extortion of money was the order of the day. There were so many dirty judges and magistrates then, whited sepulchers. Lords they were, but not lords of Justice, or masters of Equity, captains of Fairness or paragons of Accountability. Rather they were judicial king-pins of mamonised proceedings and cash and carry rulings. As for the bar, it was reeking most foully of sharp practices. The bar was very scarce in the number of decent and noble practitioners. And infact, many older, senior lawyers employed crooked means to win their cases and served as no good examples to the younger ones. Such lawyers were and some still are Senior Advocates of Prepaid Judgements (SAPJ).

Things were so bad back then, that litigants preferred the services of lawyers who knew judges to the services of lawyers who merely knew the law! That, my dear, was the situation. It was a stinking corruption that gripped Lagos State Judiciary with so much swaggering arrogance and insolence.
Everybody - litigants, lawyers and the very few upright judges knew how terrible and horrible the situation was but nobody cared enough to do anything much about it.

Where was the Bar, the association of lawyers, all that while? The bar, I tell you, was on a voyage of self exile and cowardly, dumb retreat. No victim of oppression and injustice in the Judicial System could run to the bar and get succour. It was a Bar, self compromised either morally or intellectually. It was a bar which had forgotten her true mission of societal guidance and leadership.

Then thunder, in the form of the Squib, struck and the rest, as you are witnessing today, is history.
Permit to say this, the Squib is a positive factor in the little transformation of the Lagos State Judiciary from being blantantly corrupt and inefficient as it was in the 1990s and early 2000s to its present state. For those who may not really appreciate how terrible the misconduct of judges, magistrates and lawyers was in the 90s and the early 2000s in the Lagos State Judiciary, I tell you this true live story.

Four days after moving and losing a motion ex parte, a particular counsel, Barrister X, who himself is now a judge, came back to the court, very much prepared to move his motion on notice.
As he cleared his throat to do just that, Barrister X was shocked to hear the presiding judge say to the counsel on the opposing side.
“Are you aware that I have granted an injunction in this case?”
Barrister X and his junior could not believe their ears, however they managed to hide their shock and kept a discreet silence. It was later that they learnt the truth - their clients without notice to counsel, had gone to “see” the judge! Compromised, the judge had rewritten his records and ruling!

Unbelievable, you say? But that's the gospel truth. It was because of situations like this that the Squib was born. So that we can have the “good new days.”

'The Fitness Question' By Adesina Ogunlana

Are you fit? Yes you, you of course, are you fit? I mean you and nobody else -are you fit? My friend, why are you looking over your shoulders? There's nobody behind you, so the question is still for you and about you - are you fit?

Am I referring to you? Why ask such an obvious question? My question is strictly, only, wholly and exclusively for you, so I ask again “are you fit?” and again-“are you fit?”

There you go again looking askance, as if I have put my words in a luggage of Greek and loaded them onto a train of Latin, wheeling on, on the rails of Aramaic. What is there too difficult to comprehend about my question?
Are you fit?
I forbid you to speak out the thoughts pulsating in your mind. Let me tell you what you wanted to ask me; the question you are dying to ask me is “are you fit yourself?”
You will know as I do, that your query is ad hominen and begs the question. Of course begging a question does not answer or remove it; so my question remains, Are you fit?
Oh, you are now prepared to give me an answer. Please tell the truth about your health, don't yaraduanise it -Tell it as it is really.
My pal did I hear you say, you are fit? Fit as fiddle? But, are you really fit? Why is your tummy and mid section a perfect copy of the shape of the AVOCADO pear?
Why do you always yawn so loudly and repeatedly as early as 9.00am in the morning, even after 8 hours night sleep?
Are you fit? Why do you suffer those sharp headaches and pains in your chest and feet? If you are fit, how come it takes you fifteen minutes to climb the stairs to the top of a three storey building and with your mouth agape? Say brother, are you fit? What about your waist that is almost in a perpetual state of disequilibrium?

And why are you always catching the flu? Your eyes tend towards the blood-shot and it is often a wrestle to get your (brown, sometimes, black) stuff out in the small room?
The other day, you attempted ten press-ups but when you got to just number three, you simply collapsed on your chest; Are you fit?
When last did you walk briskly or run a kilometer? So why say you are fit? It is now an ordeal for you to touch the ground with the tips of your fingers, even with bent knees?
How dare you say you are fit? How dare you? Even in indoor games? Are you as fit as you like to make people believe?
Can you do the marathon indoors? Are you not a flying whammer banger who gets beat less than three minutes after the commencement of intimate 'hostilities?'
And you Madam Fit, how come you are now a resident and stationary supervisor of the execution of house-hold chores? Sweeping, dusting, washing, cooking, e.t.c is not your look-out again, save dishing out intermittent orders to your kids and domestics alike? Are you sure you are fit?
Fit people burst with energy and are very active and no spirit of sloth can affix their bums to any immobile seat of inertia.
Are you fit? Let me ask again-are you fit? Yet you need to be fit. In fact you must be fit to carry out your serious tasks as a solicitor and barrister of the Supreme Court of Nigeria.
As you well know, getting good briefs is challenging, executing them, tasking and even getting your fees, tough. So, Mr. Lawyer and Madam Barrister, we need all the energy we can get. We can't afford to be weak, wasting and worsted by poor health, otherwise we won't discharge our responsibilities adequately.

By the way do you know that the NBA Ikeja branch has started a weekly Wellness and Keep Fit Programme, between 7.00am 10.00am every Saturday, save Environmental Sanitation days. The venue is the Vining Memorial Church Cathedral Playing Field.

Two days we were there. Three Saturdays ago, we were there also. It was big fun sweating it out. Won't you like to come too?
Don't tell me you are fit and there is therefore no need for you to participate. If you are indeed fit, the Tigers programme will only make you fitter. And if you are like, like, well don't let us mention his name, you need it more than ever.
Next Saturday (15th November 2008) is the next occasion for the special Tigers Programme.

Please try and be there!

'Tigers Forever' By Adesina Ogunlana

There we were, a company of Tigers and some other learned members of the species homo sapiens seated in the cool, cosy 'upper room' chambers of the JADE GARDEN, a chinese restaurant, perched on the upper snout of the Isaac John Street, G.R.A Ikeja that Thursday evening of 23rd October 2008, It was a dinner, alright, in honour of certain big guns of the most famous and most active of the (perennially?) 88 off-springs of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA).
The renowned offspring is known as the Ikeja branch of the NBA. She however is more popularly and I should like to think, more poignantly known as the 'Tiger Bar'.
This appellation or do we say cognomen is not agreeable to some people. One of them is Mr. Tunji Ayanlaja S.A.N of the “Work Hard, Play Hard” philosophy, who is also famous for his “apoti iwe” or lectern which accompanies him to court every-time and which in itself by sheer feat of elegant carpentry, distinguishes him, even from many other silks.
The learned silk, whom I was told on very good authority is from the Athenian side of the of the old Western Region of Nigeria finds the Tiger appellation very distasteful. Why ever should any group of lawyers rejoice in an appellation which as it were, suggests savagery and perhaps philistinism? According to Mr. Ayanlaja, he once enquired from an un-named person why “they call Ikeja bar the Tiger Bar?” The answer the silk received was “it is because they have one buka at the Ikeja High Court where they eat amala and abodi (innards)”.
I find the answer very interesting I really want to know what the issue here is.
(i) Is the problem with dining at all in the premises of the High Court?
(ii) Or, is it with the very nature of the meals involved amala and abodi (if they were let's say, some exotic European or Continental mish-mash, coupled with some caviars all washed down with vintage wines, would it be okay?)
(iii) Or is it with the architectural aesthetics of the eatery - perharps ramshackle, dirty and “mushin-eous?
(iv) Or is it with any perceived ferocity and velocity of the consumption of the amala and abodi all swimming in a thick sea of 'abula' perharps?
In concluding his remarks, the respected silk advised that the best branch of the NBA should change her alias from Tiger Bar to the “Honourable Bar.” In such a gathering, especially where your civility and cultural sophistication and correctness is already held in suspicion, you do nothing but nod in false-concurrence and clap politely. And that was what all the Tigers present did.
But the we knew what all Tigers know, and will always know, our name, nay our praise name is not only honourable but it is honour in itself, and as such will suffer no change.
May be if our father at law had cared to ask we, true born tigers why we are so branded, baba would not have been regaled with funny “amala and abodi” tales of denigration.
Sir, a tiger is an active, bold, strong and intrepid prince of his environment. A tiger is dominant and not dominated. A tiger is fierce and terrible in battle. As the Yoruba's testify, he is
“Ogidan olola iju (the circumciser of the jungle)
A komonila lai labe” (who plies his trade needing no blade)
There is no oppressing the Tiger. And lest we forget, the Tiger is a creature of grace, of beauty and extremely caring of her own.
Yet, the Tiger is not perfect. But then who, except the PERMANENT MYSTERY, is? We have our rough edges, our inadequacies and failings but who of our siblings can compare with our forthrightness, the largeness of our heart, our pathological demand and quest for justice and progress in the legal profession and Nigeria, our ability to have the courage of our convictions and tell the truth to power?
I concede, Tigers can do with a bit of more refinements, but by Jove, it will never be at the expense of robust and vigorous struggle to make the legal profession and the Nigerian nation a better place. And, will someone please mark my words, achieving such lofty heights are hardly made by effete, polite men of culture, full of social graces but dead in social conscience.
Maybe when our new, ultra-modern branch-secretariat, the F.R.A Williams Bar Centre gets built, a better view of us (Ikeja Tigers) will be perceived in the quarters of the sophisticates. That secretariat will cost us not a few million nairas and I as the Tiger in charge of Tigers welfare, look respectfully and hopefully in the direction of Daddy Ayanlaja for some munificence towards our project.Sir, my request, is not a roar of command, but a purr of suasion. Tigers salute you!

'I Still Can't Understand' By Adesina Ogunlana

I still can’t understand. Can’t understand why, there are only about 30 sheriffs to service the Lagos State Judiciary; the LSJ you may like to know has numerous customary courts, 105 magistrate courts and no less than 50 High Courts. These sheriffs, far from being super-men, simply cannot cope with the huge work load of their office. You may also like to know that in every working day, no less than 200 fresh cases (civil and criminal) are filed. So the only logical thing to do is employing more sheriffs. But the authorities have not done that. For obvious reason. Obvious reason that there is no money.

Oh yes I can’t understand. Can’t understand why the Probate Section of the Lagos State High Court remains a long room of discomfort and discontent. Every thing or at least almost everything smells of dreariness there. Hardly does anything function in the place. Forms takes ages to be seen and procured. The necessary advertisement gets going at the pace of a constipatated snail. As for the actual processing of the application, the applicant or and his counsel will scale through a decathlon, then moan and groan through a marathon and then be made to crave through a stretch of a thicket of thorns before they can think of success. Why is this so? The place is simply under-funded –no computers, no photocopiers, many times no files, papers, pins and countless times the needed officers are “not on seat”. I am a living witness to this amazing Probate Section. I started the process of a letter of administration Jan 2007 but got the L.A only September 2008 (a whopping 19 months!)

Why is this so? The answer is obvious – there is no money for the Lagos Judiciary to do the needful. Let us leave the Probate Registry and go to the Records Section. And go to the Archives Section. And go to the Open Registry. And go to each of the courts. What do you see in all these places? Poverty induced inefficiency. Things simply don’t work well. The workers are not well paid and they don’t have enough equipment and materials to work well. For example in the Ikeja High Court Library, there is no photocopy service.

When you ask the authorities, and I have been asking the authorities since 2001, the standard, unchanging, unrepentant, boring and annoying answer is “there is no money.”
Yes, this is exactly what I cannot understand. How can the Lagos State Judiciary and Lagos State Government in all honesty claim that they have no funds to pay their non-judicial officers well and provide adequately for their offices?

How can the authorities make this monstrous claim, when only about three weeks ago, brand, new cars (reports have it that they number no less than twenty, each costing no less than five-million naira each) were “dashed” out to retired Judges!

Everybody knows that a retired staff is out of service. Ordinarily and reasonably such a staff no matter how highly placed should not gain precedence in terms of welfare over serving officers.
Yet the Lagos Judiciary has doled out, maybe one hundred million naira, or even more to a few out-of-service personnel while hundreds of still serving staff are wallowing in the stinking mire of past and present continuous impecuniousity!

Let the truth be told, this is nothing but sheer oppression and wickedness that the Almighty must find unpalatable. Why are the powers that be, treat the lowly with such spite and inconsideration?

Honestly, I don’t understand. Can’t understand.

'The Great Promoters' By Adesina Ogunlana

God is with this magazine, called the Squib. How I came to know? You see, just as the fortunes of the magazine appear sliding, it receives massive dosage of energy charging and image laundering boosts. For example when it was a mere infant, a complete little even ungainly presence in the legal profession, God sent an angel to fan embers of popularity for the magazine.
That angel was none other than the then Chief Judge of Lagos state, Ibitola Adebisi Sotuminu. Sotuminu C.J who in her younger days according to retired Justice Olufawo used to be known as “My Cleopatra” put her considerable clout to the task of promoting the Squib. She did this by picking a quarrel with the magazine and vowing to exterminate it. It was like having an elephant dueling with an ant. Such an ant, people reckoned must be a special, wonderful creature that they ought to know and meet.
Consequently Mr. Anonymous-Squib became Mr. Well Known-Squib. It was a case every week, of Squib here, Squib there, Squib everywhere. All, courtesy Mrs. Justice Sotuminu who even made things sweeter for the Squib by regularly abusing her and her publisher, Adesina Ogunlana. Mrs. Justice Sotuminu’s favourite tags for me were “miscreant” and “bad boy” while she famously said that the Squib was an obnoxious publications”
In the course of time. Sotuminu J. became part of the history of the Lagos State Judiciary. Fatai Adeyinka J. came in after Sotuminu C.J. He left shortly with no particular clean records. Adeyinka C.J kept his peace while the Squib roared. Then Adeyinka C.J went away with history.
Now it was the turn of Alabi C.J. the incumbent “Olori Oko”. The relationship between the C.J.O and the Squib took off on a friendly note. But since oil and water do not walk hand-in-hand the relationship soon turned frosty. The problem was that the Squib was an unrepentant astringent which cannot be mellowed with toothy grins, warm hand shakes, and back slaps.
Blunt, graphic and screaming as ever, it was not long before the Squib upset a sensitive Alabi C.J At a public gathering in March 2007 the C.J committed a Freudian slip when he referred to the Squib’s publisher as OMO WERE YEN (naughty nut).
Again this verbal missile helped the image of the Squib’s publisher a great deal. It’s no mean feat I tell you, to get a public acknowledgment from the prince of Chief Judges of Nigeria. After the naughty nut ornament was hung on my humble neck, adulation and adoration chased me all about the place. I became a Popular Jingo. Just like in the Sotuminu days, everybody wanted to meet the naughty nut. And you know everybody include those delicate, better shaped species of humanity that a creative mind once described as “sex on two legs”.
Now it is beginning to happen again. Another Judge of the Lagos High Court has become self-motivated to mount another round of promotion blitz for the Squib. The good judge and may God bless her ladyship abundantly is none other than Honourable justice Funmilayo Atilade. Her ladyship was presiding over a civil suit in which my chamber was representing some of the respondents. Incidentally another lawyer from the chambers and not my naughty nut self came for the matter.
Somehow my name came up in the course of the hearing. The name, yes the name was the cause of katakata in the court. Please read on:-
Atilade J. : Adesina Ogunlana? That name sounds familiar
Innocent Lawyer: (happily) yes milord. He is the editor of the Squib.
Atilade J: (up set) Oh, is that trash still on?
Innocent Lawyer: Very much so, and it is actually a good magazine
Atilade J. : Good magazine you say? That magazine which always attacks judges and sees nothing good in them?
Innocent Lawyer: My Lord, with due respect sir, the Squib is not like that. In fact there are many instances it commended judges and it is also helpful in the bar. In fact last week the magazine exposed a fake lawyer who has spent several years practicing as a lawyer.
Atilade J.: Look, one day when that magazine publishes a nasty story about you, then you will appreciate my point. For your own good you had better leave that chambers. They can’t teach you anything good. If you want to make progress in life and in this profession, take my advice and leave that chamber.
Innocent Lawyer: As the court pleases.
Poor girl. She reeled home in shock. But at home, she received a further shock. This is because, upon hearing of the demolition exercise of the honourable judge, the “villain of the piece”, the naughty nut instead of frowning and hopping made broke into a huge wide, grin.
The only thing he said was “Thank you God” May God bless the honourable judge with more vigour to carry out more attacks on the Squib. May God give her ladyship, bigger and more prominent platforms like the NATIONAL ASSEMBLY, the UNITED NATIONS, BBC and CNN to say negative things against us”.
Of course, you should know the reason for the prayer-the bigger and more influential the attackers of the Squib and their platforms, the more successful the Squib becomes. So, with all heartfelt sense of gratitude and appreciation do I doff my hat to Honourable Justice Funmilayo Atilade of the Lagos High Court for the powerful, pungent and pugnacious attacks on my humble, naughty nut self and the “obnoxious” Squib on Tuesday 7th October 2008.
Please, my lady, accept the assurances of my warmest regards. E se pupo. E se gan ni!
N:B
By the way some people are wondering whether my clients in the case before Honourable Justice Atilade can get justice in the matter considering the intensity of the bitterness of the honourable Judge against their counsel.
Well, what do you guys think?

'Just How Learned Are We?' By Adesina Ogunlana

It took quite a while for the bubble to burst. For Sampson Bamgbose. The gentleman fraudster was in business as a legal practitioner for almost 19 years; even though he never trained as a lawyer nor was he called to the bar.
And was he a successful practitioner? No doubt. Information has it that the Attorney at Lie has a big “law chambers”, and two or three cars including a Jeep. To cap it all, he was in Ikorodu his last place of operation, a leading light of the bar! I mean, this was a chap who in year 2007 was a co-chair of the Law Week Programme of the Ikorodu Bar and had the opportunity and privilege of chairing a Disciplinary Panel of the same Ikorodu Bar!
The question should be asked how learned are the members of the legal profession? In fact are we learned at all? For if we are learned as we trumpet about, how come that a fellow who never studied law at any level could have done so well for himself, albeit illegally and for so long in the bar without detection for close to two decades?
Bamgbose was not a quiet felon who practiced his deceit silently. In fact he was like the old but extremely virile Pa Masaba of the 86 wives fame! Masaba was not a closet polygamy or a mass marriager! Pa Masaba took all his wives, one after the ardour, sorry, one after the other. For more than thirty years, he demonstrated his women or wives’ accumulation prowess in public. He did not practice his trade in the dark or in the clouds!
Before his down fall, Bamgbose must have given congratulated himself, more than a million times over his ingenuity, in successfully deceiving members of the bar. It is no big deal fooling lay men, to think of one as a legal practitioner, or a doctor, or an engineer. An effective pose hardly goes beyond donning the appropriate professional apparel, ‘blowing’ the appropriate parlances and jargons in proper English and above all wearing a cool and confident mien.
But one needs a superior intellect and act to fool professionals, to the level that they accept the fraudster as a good penny. I am only on a supposition however. Really how many truly certified lawyers are possessed of superior intellect even common sense or a sharp native intelligence? All too often one comes across qualified lawyers who behave foolishly, who are fooled easily by street wise clients and conduct themselves so sloppily in court that a judge may be tempted to order their caning.
For example I have come across lawyers who didn’t know why they were in court. I have seen those who did not know their clients and even more amazingly who did not know whether they were representing the defendants or the plaintiffs!
Only last week before Dada J of the Ikeja High Court I saw a lawyer who asserted strongly that “this is my first time in this court for this case” only for him to accept the very next minute upon proof shown by the court that he had appeared in court, at least once previously in the matter.
That Bamgbose could survive, excel even, for so long in the bar, suggests that possibly our trade is not all heavy intellectual stuff as we like to believe and make others believe.
I suspect something even worse that there are collaborators who for long knew that Bamgbose was just an imitation yet decided to keep their peace. Yet how can any learned man know of an abuse of his own profession, by an impostor and yet keep quiet? Such learned fellows should be regarded as ‘participis criminis’ in the “Barrister” Bamgbose scam. They provided the foliage and fauna for the imp to hide and flourish, or should we say, fester?
At the rate the scam was going, with a bit of more derring - do, Bamgbose could well have ended up in the inner bar or even on the bench!
And how ghastly that would have been- to have a fake judge or a fake silk. But then this is ‘Naija’ - anything including Bamgbose can happen.

'Letter to Debbie' By Adesina Ogunlana

Debbie dear,
As we say in these shores, ‘long time no see’ my darling. Really, it’s quite an age we last saw, although our mutual admirers imagine that great lovers that we are, we often see, meet and rub hearts together in a love nest in a hidden away exotic Island.
In reality we’ve hardly met beyond once, at most twice, since you bowed out of the judiciary. My thoughts strayed to you today, because of the brouhaha over the closure of the Channels Television Station.
You can trust the NBA, human rights’ groups and other busy-bodies to shout themselves hoarse over the ‘shut-up’ order on Channels. Of course the talk is about the need for government to respect press freedom and follow due process in her reaction.
Honestly I wonder at all these noise-makers. When a tsetse fly feasts on a man’s stone, what to do than to swat the impudent beast off and effectively as possible? Does any one talk of due process when violence lands on the back of the rude twat?
What people don’t know is that rumormongers are very dangerous indeed. In fact the more the truth content of the rumour, the more dangerous they are. Much worse is it, when the victims of their ear-tingling, mouth-widening and eye-popping information are ‘big’ men and women in society big men and women like Chief Judges, Governors, Ministers, Money bags, e.t.c.
What the Channels Television did was horrible, in fact horrendous. Peddling false hoods about the president of the country! What impertinence, for any one to claim that Mr. President, the God’s anointed leader of the Giant of Africa will lose his job voluntarily in a few weeks time. Is that another way of insinuating that the president is too ill to continue with his God ordained and PDP rigged in position?
I know you know how much a pain in the neck, the press could be. In your time in the judiciary as the “FOREMAN” a certain, stupid boy, later to be famously described as a nut (omo were yen) was to give you hell, literally so to say, with an obnoxious publication known to the whole world as SUKUBU. Week in, week out, the SUKUBU was publishing trash, and washing your dirty linen in public. Yet the people continued to buy the trash and so kept the rogue paper and her miscreant editor afloat. Of course you reacted appropriately to the provocation.
You too did what President Yar’Adua had just done-You slammed a ban on the trash paper and initiated the process of destroying the legal career of the paper’s miscreant editor. Such dangerous elements are not fit for the bar.
A lawyer in the first instance has no business being a journalist. He could be a publisher, yes. A publisher of law reports, of seminar and workshop papers, of biographies of living, dying or dead judges, of law text-books and legal novels ala John Grisham. Nothing more, nothing less.
With the benefit of hindsight and learning from the Channels Television experience, what you should have done that time against the SUKUBU idiot was to have invaded the office of his obnoxious paper and occupy it with men of the Security State Service while you arrest the nut and one or two his top geckos. Then you arraign them before one of your numerous courts on several counts of sedition and treasonable felony. After all even if it is true as the SUKUBU was alleging that a sum of 264 million naira of government money disappeared or appeared to have disappeared into the comfort of the confines of your GLOBE purse, did he have a share in it?
Journalists, trained and self-taught alike must comfort themselves in the presence of POWER, otherwise when POWER strikes, it may be sharply unpleasant. Only a fool will annoy people in POWER. And the easiest way to annoy POWER is to force it to hear the TRUTH.
My Debbie, I beg, enough of all this philosophy. One of these days, we actually need to see and meet. And chat. And hold hands. And look into each other’s eyes. And profess undying love to ourselves. And do more besides.

Yours troublesomely,
The First Gecko