'All Lagosians' By Adesina Ogunlana

The Learned Squib

If you are educated, not to talk, learned, and you are not a General Olusegun “Babanyabo” Obasanjo, ex third-term presidential aspirant, ex life-time presidential hopeful, the chances are that, you won’t mind reading newspapers, at least Nigerian dailies.

Generally people read newspapers to get information. All manners of information, obituaries inclusive. By the way obituaries can make very interesting reads. For example there was this obituary (trust me to fabricate one) where the announcer started by stating that it was with a heavy heart that the family of the deceased was announcing the passing away of their “grand father, father, uncle, (area uncle?) brother, son e.t.c but mid-way paused to ask Mr. Death a rather-silly question-Death, where is thy sting? Now if Death had no sting, where did the family fetch their heavy hearts from?

Just this Saturday morning (May 24 2008), I stumbled on a fascinating advertisement on page A28 of the Punch newspaper of the day. The advert was placed by no less a worthy than one Professor Bamidele Badejo, described as Honourable Commisssioner for Transportation. Of Lagos State, I presumed.

The advert, a full page, carried in-toto the provisions of a new law, PUBLIC ROADS, SET BACKS (Social Religions and Commercial Function Prohibition) Removal of obstruction law.

This new law has some rather interesting aspects, which include criminalising the holding of religious activities or maintaining mechanic workshops on public roads. But I am not bothering my nose about any such aspects. And, you can’t blame me. I am not a pastor or the son of a pastor but a mere in-law to one or two pastors- of the Pentecostal hue-so the chances of my holding a religious crusade on a public road is rather slim. I am also, not a mechanic, a fairly obvious fact, so again I cannot be affected by the law.

What I find most fascinating in the advert is just a line in the preamble to the law. The line reads-
“All Lagosians are enjoined to adhere strictly to the provision of this law as violators would be apprehended and prosecuted”.
And in this line, what I found most touching and alarming at the same time were the first two words “All Lagosians.”

From the sentence, it appears that the notice of the law is specially meant for Lagosians, so that they will not run foul of it.

But who is a Lagosian? Is it anybody habitually resident in Lagos, whether from birth or otherwise? Or is it any member of the families of the founders of the various communities in the state, the so called Omo-Onile?

All these questions, to me are pertinent now more that ever when juicy positions in the Lagos State Government are given in preference to Lagosians above non-Lagosians. In such contexts, the only persons who qualify to be called Lagosians are those whose roots are located ‘from time immemorial’ in sons-of-the-soil families. It doesn’t matter whether the other Lagosians have been paying tax to Lagos State ‘from time immemorial.’

But could this definition apply to the observance of the new law?

I looked at the interpretation section of the new law but could not find any listing or definition of the word ‘Lagosian’.

So once again ladies and gentlemen, who is a Lagosian?

"Hanging Around' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB


There is something almost always sinister about the word ‘hang.’ At least for me. Anytime, I come across the word, either written or vocalized, prefix-ed or prefix-less, in any time sense (past, continuous, present) I always see in my mind’s eye a noose round the neck of an unfortunate member of the homo-sapiens.


I tell you, the word hang always goes with a clang in my head. Instead of a tang, what it has is a fang that sinks into the flesh of my mind bringing up morbid thoughts.


So you can imagine my sense of unpleasantness, when I was told recently at a formation of the Nigerian Police, that while waiting for the police officer who would attend to me, I should “hang around somewhere outside”


Really I couldn’t believe my ears. “Hang around?” I asked incredulously from the police sentry, one of a trio, who advised my “hanging around”
“Oh yes, just outside there” said the police man, quite matter of factly as if it were the most natural thing to do in the world! I was puzzled. Fairly so. I looked round me. The police formation was in a large, neat-looking, almost serene compound. There were some-one-story buildings in there. The sun was pouring in the hard, wide concrete central court yard. Outside the gates, the sun was no less merciful. Several cars were parked all over the streets adjoining the police-formation.


“I can’t hang around. I am a lawyer. How can I hang around? Don’t you people have a reception or something”? I asked with some heat. My outburst was greeted with a huge, hearty and prolonged laughter by one of the policemen. It first started as a merry twinkle in the eye, then the cop’s checks spread out in a broad grin, then rapidly everything dissolved into a convulsion of truly merry guffaw.
“Ah this oga is funny o.” opined the policeman, whilst still in the panoxysm of his hilarity.
“Reception? In a police station? asked the man doubling up now in real mirth. “We don’t have time for all that here” Then he went on laughing.
Of course my sympathy went to the man. Clearly the cop is a man whose mind has become so twisted that he accepted the anomalous situation of no reception or waiting room for callers as normal, good and proper. That cop, I guess is in the class of those who laugh at their own calamity!


Of course I did not go out and “find somewhere to hang”. Rather I made the cops get me a comfortable place to sit to await my man. I would rather have left than hang around. Why should I hang around? I am not in the class of those who hang around or hang about. I am not a motor-park tout who hang around motor-parks. I am not a by-the-roadside-affidavit maker who hangs around court-rooms and vehicle licensing offices.
As well known, I am not a bouncer or a thug. So I have no politician or and his wife to hang around. I am not a contractor, so I have no reason to hang around civil servants.


In short I am not a hang around material. I am a lawyer. A barrister and solicitor of the Supreme Court of Nigeria.
“Hang around, ke? Out of the question, sir”! That was what I told them at the MILVERTON Road Ikoyi empire of Barrister Yinka Balogun, the commissioner of police in charge of the Special Fraud Unit a few days ago.
Imagine the cheek - asking a lawyer to be loitering about while waiting for an I.P.O. What if the police should arrest 'hanging about lawyer' for wandering? Don’t say “impossible!”

'UN-JADED' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB
Those who know a bit of my history know that some special ladies are quite important in my life. One of such ladies was late Professor Jadesola Akande I wouldn’t have known her at all, if I hadn’t chosen in 1989 to obtain a law degree in her domain – the Lagos State University. And even then as a Law Student, I might never have come across her, for she was then the Almighty Vice-Chancellor of the citadel and little me, one of the several thousand students of the University.

But then by second year of my studies, I had levitated from the tepid waters of Law Students politics, where the shine of one’s shoes, the texture of one’ coat, the cultured cadences of one’s affected speeches and the angularity of ones nostrils, in the air as well as the aroma of one’s pedigree, determine greatly the success of the political animal, and had gravitated to the tempestuous waves of Students’ Unionism where brains and brawn must mix admirably in the political gladiator to survive hard knocks and escape 'knock – outs’ from political rivals, the government and the University administration.

So as a Student Union Leader, duty brought me closer to Professor Akande. It was a testy relationship, which saw the V.C one occasion attempting to slap a ban on my tongue at a meeting of the Union Leaders with her. On another occasion the tough lady, apparently losing control of the University, issued an unmasked threat to me and the president Wale Okuniyi to use brutal force to contain us (Union Leaders). At the end of the day, since two captains cannot command a ship at a time – Mama banned our Union and expelled Union Leaders. But she could only do that from the safety of her home–LASU had become too hot for her. She left, “by force, by fire” December 8 1992, her car chased by dozens of enraged students, who thank goodness, failed to outrun the automobile, even when moving in reverse.

After leaving LASU, Professor Akande’s star did not dim. Rather it was getting brighter. That was, I think rather remarkable. Many past Vice –Chancellors, Governors, presidents who leave office just melt away into steady oblivion. After just two years- people would have to scratch their heads to remember the names of all these ex-this, ex- that.

But Jadesola’s case was different. She settled down to become a gender activist, human right activist, humanist, bar woman; of course she remained an educationist. In year 2000, Jadesola became the Pro- Chancellor of a Federal University, probably the first former vice- chancellor, to become a pro-chancellor. Along the way, she also bagged the Commander of the Order of the Niger title (CON) and then that of Officer of the Republic (OFR).

But Jadesola was not just an intellectual, she was also, a lady of action – including street protest. Most unusual I dare say, for some one of her honey and milk background.

In 2005, Jadesola was tear-gassed by anti riot police men who were sent to disperse the crowd who had gathered with her on a street to protest one plane crash incident too many which had taken away the souls of several dozens of people.
That was the type of a lady Jadesola Akande was, and not the type that many of the elites class who attended her wake-keeping and burial ceremonies, last week tried to paint. Many of the afore-mentioned, appeared rather taken aback and even discomfited if not rather afraid to see students union activists taking a part in the ceremonies, in their ususal “revolutionary manner.”
An activist died and all what the organisers of her wake-keeping wanted to happen was the wearing of solemn looks, salad speeches and “unto you-thee-lord-my-soul” songs. Those officially allowed to speak dwelled on everything Jadesola except her activisim.
To redress the situation and correct the inbalance, the activists’ cadre present took up a song, which went thus:
“There is victory for us
there is victory for us
in the struggle for good governance
there is VICTORY for us”
Forward ever, Backward never
In the struggle for good governance
there is VICTORY for us”.
The activists formed two rows along the exit route and sang lustily. I was there in the cadre and I saw the baffled, if worried looks on many faces of members of the pampered class as they passed through the lines, half expecting I suppose, that they would be molested.
But nothing ontoward happened. They (the frightened and the worried) needed not fear. An activist is not a rogue. He is actually a good citizen. A patriot. Just like Jadesola who passed away un-jaded.

'Never Trust A Ghost' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB
Last week, the Squib’s cover story was about workers recalled to service of the Lagos State Judiciary. Some weeks back, they (the said workers) had been placed on suspension without pay.

The threat to their regular employment and daily bread came in the form a letter of complaint (petition) against the workers, alleging basically that they were guilty of corruption.
As soon as the authorities of the Lagos State Judiciary received this letter, the workers were in trouble.

Nobody in the corridors of power it would appear, cared to pause even a second, to conduct preliminary, however cursory investigation into the merit of the petition, before pushing the bitter pill of suspension down the unwilling throats of the workers.

No worker likes any letter carrying any threat to their meal ticket, no matter how remote. So, when they received a combined honours’ missive from the authorities, to wit letter of query and letter of suspension, their hearts failed. I heard that many of them went beyond physical solutions. They embraced, the metaphysical, joined it with the spiritual, and landed on some mountains celestial, all in a bid not to lose their jobs.
Then one day, not too log ago, fortune smiled on them, a miracle happened - the Lagos Judiciary lifted their suspension and put them back in their positions.

The miracle, well one may say, may not be one after all. The simple truth is that the workers were called back, upon ample proof that the petition against the workers was penned by a ghost.

An obnoxious publication (not the Squib) had gone to town exposing that the purported Ajewole, the author of the petition was not a lawyer as claimed but a non-existent person.

Of course, we all know that the must a ghost can do, (in the coffers of his coffin) is to write anything, just about anything against his opponents. But when it comes to defending the grievous allegations so lavishly made, you won’t ever see the ghost.

The good thing about the whole episode is that the Lagos State Judiciary saw the error of her way and quickly and wisely retraced her steps.

It is a wonder really that a sharp Judiciary like the Lagos Judiciary could be misled so cheaply by a mischief maker.
But then, we learn everyday, I guess.