There we were, a company of Tigers and some other learned members of the species homo sapiens seated in the cool, cosy 'upper room' chambers of the JADE GARDEN, a chinese restaurant, perched on the upper snout of the Isaac John Street, G.R.A Ikeja that Thursday evening of 23rd October 2008, It was a dinner, alright, in honour of certain big guns of the most famous and most active of the (perennially?) 88 off-springs of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA).
The renowned offspring is known as the Ikeja branch of the NBA. She however is more popularly and I should like to think, more poignantly known as the 'Tiger Bar'.
This appellation or do we say cognomen is not agreeable to some people. One of them is Mr. Tunji Ayanlaja S.A.N of the “Work Hard, Play Hard” philosophy, who is also famous for his “apoti iwe” or lectern which accompanies him to court every-time and which in itself by sheer feat of elegant carpentry, distinguishes him, even from many other silks.
The learned silk, whom I was told on very good authority is from the Athenian side of the of the old Western Region of Nigeria finds the Tiger appellation very distasteful. Why ever should any group of lawyers rejoice in an appellation which as it were, suggests savagery and perhaps philistinism? According to Mr. Ayanlaja, he once enquired from an un-named person why “they call Ikeja bar the Tiger Bar?” The answer the silk received was “it is because they have one buka at the Ikeja High Court where they eat amala and abodi (innards)”.
I find the answer very interesting I really want to know what the issue here is.
(i) Is the problem with dining at all in the premises of the High Court?
(ii) Or, is it with the very nature of the meals involved amala and abodi (if they were let's say, some exotic European or Continental mish-mash, coupled with some caviars all washed down with vintage wines, would it be okay?)
(iii) Or is it with the architectural aesthetics of the eatery - perharps ramshackle, dirty and “mushin-eous?
(iv) Or is it with any perceived ferocity and velocity of the consumption of the amala and abodi all swimming in a thick sea of 'abula' perharps?
In concluding his remarks, the respected silk advised that the best branch of the NBA should change her alias from Tiger Bar to the “Honourable Bar.” In such a gathering, especially where your civility and cultural sophistication and correctness is already held in suspicion, you do nothing but nod in false-concurrence and clap politely. And that was what all the Tigers present did.
But the we knew what all Tigers know, and will always know, our name, nay our praise name is not only honourable but it is honour in itself, and as such will suffer no change.
May be if our father at law had cared to ask we, true born tigers why we are so branded, baba would not have been regaled with funny “amala and abodi” tales of denigration.
Sir, a tiger is an active, bold, strong and intrepid prince of his environment. A tiger is dominant and not dominated. A tiger is fierce and terrible in battle. As the Yoruba's testify, he is
“Ogidan olola iju (the circumciser of the jungle)
A komonila lai labe” (who plies his trade needing no blade)
There is no oppressing the Tiger. And lest we forget, the Tiger is a creature of grace, of beauty and extremely caring of her own.
Yet, the Tiger is not perfect. But then who, except the PERMANENT MYSTERY, is? We have our rough edges, our inadequacies and failings but who of our siblings can compare with our forthrightness, the largeness of our heart, our pathological demand and quest for justice and progress in the legal profession and Nigeria, our ability to have the courage of our convictions and tell the truth to power?
I concede, Tigers can do with a bit of more refinements, but by Jove, it will never be at the expense of robust and vigorous struggle to make the legal profession and the Nigerian nation a better place. And, will someone please mark my words, achieving such lofty heights are hardly made by effete, polite men of culture, full of social graces but dead in social conscience.
Maybe when our new, ultra-modern branch-secretariat, the F.R.A Williams Bar Centre gets built, a better view of us (Ikeja Tigers) will be perceived in the quarters of the sophisticates. That secretariat will cost us not a few million nairas and I as the Tiger in charge of Tigers welfare, look respectfully and hopefully in the direction of Daddy Ayanlaja for some munificence towards our project.Sir, my request, is not a roar of command, but a purr of suasion. Tigers salute you!
I still can’t understand. Can’t understand why, there are only about 30 sheriffs to service the Lagos State Judiciary; the LSJ you may like to know has numerous customary courts, 105 magistrate courts and no less than 50 High Courts. These sheriffs, far from being super-men, simply cannot cope with the huge work load of their office. You may also like to know that in every working day, no less than 200 fresh cases (civil and criminal) are filed. So the only logical thing to do is employing more sheriffs. But the authorities have not done that. For obvious reason. Obvious reason that there is no money.
Oh yes I can’t understand. Can’t understand why the Probate Section of the Lagos State High Court remains a long room of discomfort and discontent. Every thing or at least almost everything smells of dreariness there. Hardly does anything function in the place. Forms takes ages to be seen and procured. The necessary advertisement gets going at the pace of a constipatated snail. As for the actual processing of the application, the applicant or and his counsel will scale through a decathlon, then moan and groan through a marathon and then be made to crave through a stretch of a thicket of thorns before they can think of success. Why is this so? The place is simply under-funded –no computers, no photocopiers, many times no files, papers, pins and countless times the needed officers are “not on seat”. I am a living witness to this amazing Probate Section. I started the process of a letter of administration Jan 2007 but got the L.A only September 2008 (a whopping 19 months!)
Why is this so? The answer is obvious – there is no money for the Lagos Judiciary to do the needful. Let us leave the Probate Registry and go to the Records Section. And go to the Archives Section. And go to the Open Registry. And go to each of the courts. What do you see in all these places? Poverty induced inefficiency. Things simply don’t work well. The workers are not well paid and they don’t have enough equipment and materials to work well. For example in the Ikeja High Court Library, there is no photocopy service.
When you ask the authorities, and I have been asking the authorities since 2001, the standard, unchanging, unrepentant, boring and annoying answer is “there is no money.”
Yes, this is exactly what I cannot understand. How can the Lagos State Judiciary and Lagos State Government in all honesty claim that they have no funds to pay their non-judicial officers well and provide adequately for their offices?
How can the authorities make this monstrous claim, when only about three weeks ago, brand, new cars (reports have it that they number no less than twenty, each costing no less than five-million naira each) were “dashed” out to retired Judges!
Everybody knows that a retired staff is out of service. Ordinarily and reasonably such a staff no matter how highly placed should not gain precedence in terms of welfare over serving officers.
Yet the Lagos Judiciary has doled out, maybe one hundred million naira, or even more to a few out-of-service personnel while hundreds of still serving staff are wallowing in the stinking mire of past and present continuous impecuniousity!
Let the truth be told, this is nothing but sheer oppression and wickedness that the Almighty must find unpalatable. Why are the powers that be, treat the lowly with such spite and inconsideration?
Honestly, I don’t understand. Can’t understand.
God is with this magazine, called the Squib. How I came to know? You see, just as the fortunes of the magazine appear sliding, it receives massive dosage of energy charging and image laundering boosts. For example when it was a mere infant, a complete little even ungainly presence in the legal profession, God sent an angel to fan embers of popularity for the magazine.
That angel was none other than the then Chief Judge of Lagos state, Ibitola Adebisi Sotuminu. Sotuminu C.J who in her younger days according to retired Justice Olufawo used to be known as “My Cleopatra” put her considerable clout to the task of promoting the Squib. She did this by picking a quarrel with the magazine and vowing to exterminate it. It was like having an elephant dueling with an ant. Such an ant, people reckoned must be a special, wonderful creature that they ought to know and meet.
Consequently Mr. Anonymous-Squib became Mr. Well Known-Squib. It was a case every week, of Squib here, Squib there, Squib everywhere. All, courtesy Mrs. Justice Sotuminu who even made things sweeter for the Squib by regularly abusing her and her publisher, Adesina Ogunlana. Mrs. Justice Sotuminu’s favourite tags for me were “miscreant” and “bad boy” while she famously said that the Squib was an obnoxious publications”
In the course of time. Sotuminu J. became part of the history of the Lagos State Judiciary. Fatai Adeyinka J. came in after Sotuminu C.J. He left shortly with no particular clean records. Adeyinka C.J kept his peace while the Squib roared. Then Adeyinka C.J went away with history.
Now it was the turn of Alabi C.J. the incumbent “Olori Oko”. The relationship between the C.J.O and the Squib took off on a friendly note. But since oil and water do not walk hand-in-hand the relationship soon turned frosty. The problem was that the Squib was an unrepentant astringent which cannot be mellowed with toothy grins, warm hand shakes, and back slaps.
Blunt, graphic and screaming as ever, it was not long before the Squib upset a sensitive Alabi C.J At a public gathering in March 2007 the C.J committed a Freudian slip when he referred to the Squib’s publisher as OMO WERE YEN (naughty nut).
Again this verbal missile helped the image of the Squib’s publisher a great deal. It’s no mean feat I tell you, to get a public acknowledgment from the prince of Chief Judges of Nigeria. After the naughty nut ornament was hung on my humble neck, adulation and adoration chased me all about the place. I became a Popular Jingo. Just like in the Sotuminu days, everybody wanted to meet the naughty nut. And you know everybody include those delicate, better shaped species of humanity that a creative mind once described as “sex on two legs”.
Now it is beginning to happen again. Another Judge of the Lagos High Court has become self-motivated to mount another round of promotion blitz for the Squib. The good judge and may God bless her ladyship abundantly is none other than Honourable justice Funmilayo Atilade. Her ladyship was presiding over a civil suit in which my chamber was representing some of the respondents. Incidentally another lawyer from the chambers and not my naughty nut self came for the matter.
Somehow my name came up in the course of the hearing. The name, yes the name was the cause of katakata in the court. Please read on:-
Atilade J. : Adesina Ogunlana? That name sounds familiar
Innocent Lawyer: (happily) yes milord. He is the editor of the Squib.
Atilade J: (up set) Oh, is that trash still on?
Innocent Lawyer: Very much so, and it is actually a good magazine
Atilade J. : Good magazine you say? That magazine which always attacks judges and sees nothing good in them?
Innocent Lawyer: My Lord, with due respect sir, the Squib is not like that. In fact there are many instances it commended judges and it is also helpful in the bar. In fact last week the magazine exposed a fake lawyer who has spent several years practicing as a lawyer.
Atilade J.: Look, one day when that magazine publishes a nasty story about you, then you will appreciate my point. For your own good you had better leave that chambers. They can’t teach you anything good. If you want to make progress in life and in this profession, take my advice and leave that chamber.
Innocent Lawyer: As the court pleases.
Poor girl. She reeled home in shock. But at home, she received a further shock. This is because, upon hearing of the demolition exercise of the honourable judge, the “villain of the piece”, the naughty nut instead of frowning and hopping made broke into a huge wide, grin.
The only thing he said was “Thank you God” May God bless the honourable judge with more vigour to carry out more attacks on the Squib. May God give her ladyship, bigger and more prominent platforms like the NATIONAL ASSEMBLY, the UNITED NATIONS, BBC and CNN to say negative things against us”.
Of course, you should know the reason for the prayer-the bigger and more influential the attackers of the Squib and their platforms, the more successful the Squib becomes. So, with all heartfelt sense of gratitude and appreciation do I doff my hat to Honourable Justice Funmilayo Atilade of the Lagos High Court for the powerful, pungent and pugnacious attacks on my humble, naughty nut self and the “obnoxious” Squib on Tuesday 7th October 2008.
Please, my lady, accept the assurances of my warmest regards. E se pupo. E se gan ni!
N:B
By the way some people are wondering whether my clients in the case before Honourable Justice Atilade can get justice in the matter considering the intensity of the bitterness of the honourable Judge against their counsel.
Well, what do you guys think?
It took quite a while for the bubble to burst. For Sampson Bamgbose. The gentleman fraudster was in business as a legal practitioner for almost 19 years; even though he never trained as a lawyer nor was he called to the bar.
And was he a successful practitioner? No doubt. Information has it that the Attorney at Lie has a big “law chambers”, and two or three cars including a Jeep. To cap it all, he was in Ikorodu his last place of operation, a leading light of the bar! I mean, this was a chap who in year 2007 was a co-chair of the Law Week Programme of the Ikorodu Bar and had the opportunity and privilege of chairing a Disciplinary Panel of the same Ikorodu Bar!
The question should be asked how learned are the members of the legal profession? In fact are we learned at all? For if we are learned as we trumpet about, how come that a fellow who never studied law at any level could have done so well for himself, albeit illegally and for so long in the bar without detection for close to two decades?
Bamgbose was not a quiet felon who practiced his deceit silently. In fact he was like the old but extremely virile Pa Masaba of the 86 wives fame! Masaba was not a closet polygamy or a mass marriager! Pa Masaba took all his wives, one after the ardour, sorry, one after the other. For more than thirty years, he demonstrated his women or wives’ accumulation prowess in public. He did not practice his trade in the dark or in the clouds!
Before his down fall, Bamgbose must have given congratulated himself, more than a million times over his ingenuity, in successfully deceiving members of the bar. It is no big deal fooling lay men, to think of one as a legal practitioner, or a doctor, or an engineer. An effective pose hardly goes beyond donning the appropriate professional apparel, ‘blowing’ the appropriate parlances and jargons in proper English and above all wearing a cool and confident mien.
But one needs a superior intellect and act to fool professionals, to the level that they accept the fraudster as a good penny. I am only on a supposition however. Really how many truly certified lawyers are possessed of superior intellect even common sense or a sharp native intelligence? All too often one comes across qualified lawyers who behave foolishly, who are fooled easily by street wise clients and conduct themselves so sloppily in court that a judge may be tempted to order their caning.
For example I have come across lawyers who didn’t know why they were in court. I have seen those who did not know their clients and even more amazingly who did not know whether they were representing the defendants or the plaintiffs!
Only last week before Dada J of the Ikeja High Court I saw a lawyer who asserted strongly that “this is my first time in this court for this case” only for him to accept the very next minute upon proof shown by the court that he had appeared in court, at least once previously in the matter.
That Bamgbose could survive, excel even, for so long in the bar, suggests that possibly our trade is not all heavy intellectual stuff as we like to believe and make others believe.
I suspect something even worse that there are collaborators who for long knew that Bamgbose was just an imitation yet decided to keep their peace. Yet how can any learned man know of an abuse of his own profession, by an impostor and yet keep quiet? Such learned fellows should be regarded as ‘participis criminis’ in the “Barrister” Bamgbose scam. They provided the foliage and fauna for the imp to hide and flourish, or should we say, fester?
At the rate the scam was going, with a bit of more derring - do, Bamgbose could well have ended up in the inner bar or even on the bench!
And how ghastly that would have been- to have a fake judge or a fake silk. But then this is ‘Naija’ - anything including Bamgbose can happen.
Debbie dear,
As we say in these shores, ‘long time no see’ my darling. Really, it’s quite an age we last saw, although our mutual admirers imagine that great lovers that we are, we often see, meet and rub hearts together in a love nest in a hidden away exotic Island.
In reality we’ve hardly met beyond once, at most twice, since you bowed out of the judiciary. My thoughts strayed to you today, because of the brouhaha over the closure of the Channels Television Station.
You can trust the NBA, human rights’ groups and other busy-bodies to shout themselves hoarse over the ‘shut-up’ order on Channels. Of course the talk is about the need for government to respect press freedom and follow due process in her reaction.
Honestly I wonder at all these noise-makers. When a tsetse fly feasts on a man’s stone, what to do than to swat the impudent beast off and effectively as possible? Does any one talk of due process when violence lands on the back of the rude twat?
What people don’t know is that rumormongers are very dangerous indeed. In fact the more the truth content of the rumour, the more dangerous they are. Much worse is it, when the victims of their ear-tingling, mouth-widening and eye-popping information are ‘big’ men and women in society big men and women like Chief Judges, Governors, Ministers, Money bags, e.t.c.
What the Channels Television did was horrible, in fact horrendous. Peddling false hoods about the president of the country! What impertinence, for any one to claim that Mr. President, the God’s anointed leader of the Giant of Africa will lose his job voluntarily in a few weeks time. Is that another way of insinuating that the president is too ill to continue with his God ordained and PDP rigged in position?
I know you know how much a pain in the neck, the press could be. In your time in the judiciary as the “FOREMAN” a certain, stupid boy, later to be famously described as a nut (omo were yen) was to give you hell, literally so to say, with an obnoxious publication known to the whole world as SUKUBU. Week in, week out, the SUKUBU was publishing trash, and washing your dirty linen in public. Yet the people continued to buy the trash and so kept the rogue paper and her miscreant editor afloat. Of course you reacted appropriately to the provocation.
You too did what President Yar’Adua had just done-You slammed a ban on the trash paper and initiated the process of destroying the legal career of the paper’s miscreant editor. Such dangerous elements are not fit for the bar.
A lawyer in the first instance has no business being a journalist. He could be a publisher, yes. A publisher of law reports, of seminar and workshop papers, of biographies of living, dying or dead judges, of law text-books and legal novels ala John Grisham. Nothing more, nothing less.
With the benefit of hindsight and learning from the Channels Television experience, what you should have done that time against the SUKUBU idiot was to have invaded the office of his obnoxious paper and occupy it with men of the Security State Service while you arrest the nut and one or two his top geckos. Then you arraign them before one of your numerous courts on several counts of sedition and treasonable felony. After all even if it is true as the SUKUBU was alleging that a sum of 264 million naira of government money disappeared or appeared to have disappeared into the comfort of the confines of your GLOBE purse, did he have a share in it?
Journalists, trained and self-taught alike must comfort themselves in the presence of POWER, otherwise when POWER strikes, it may be sharply unpleasant. Only a fool will annoy people in POWER. And the easiest way to annoy POWER is to force it to hear the TRUTH.
My Debbie, I beg, enough of all this philosophy. One of these days, we actually need to see and meet. And chat. And hold hands. And look into each other’s eyes. And profess undying love to ourselves. And do more besides.
Yours troublesomely,
The First Gecko
There we were, a company of Tigers and some other learned members of the species homo sapiens seated in the cool, cosy 'upper room' chambers of the JADE GARDEN, a chinese restaurant, perched on the upper snout of the Isaac John Street, G.R.A Ikeja that Thursday evening of 23rd October 2008, It was a dinner, alright, in honour of certain big guns of the most famous and most active of the (perennially?) 88 off-springs of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA).
