I have a confession to make. A small one really - I am always suspicious of big men. And big women too. They type that one now extinct political character, coloured flamboyantly with the unforgettable phrase “Men of timber and caliber.”
If you are no heavy weight yourself, you’ll be kidding yourself to see a friend in a big man especially where the big man, is a big man in government.
Trust you to know their type, governors, Deputy governors, Senators, Commissioners, Ministers, Ambassadors, Special Assistant, Director-General, etc.
What a new unknown safe postulated about these GBM (Government Big Men) is for most tunes, an infallible truism-“A friend in government is a friend lost”
When you need the help and services of the GBMS, you’ll find yourself in a quandary of shocked disappointment suddenly. You are like the man who puts his hand to the scabbard to pull out a trusty blade in self defence, only to find only a needle there, if anything at all!
One may not blame the big men too much. It may be a class thing. You know the law of social grouping says a member of a group (all other things being equal) receives attention and care almost compulsorily from other members of his group."
This is a longish way of stating what the yorubas have known from time immemorial that “Olowo a sore olowo,
olosi a sore olosi”.
“As the rich is friend to the rich
the wretch to the wretch.”
So whatever I “jam” a BGM, I take their display of amity and fanfares of familiarity with a grain of salt. I do not make the mistake of asking for the compulsory cards of BGMS and when they offer me, I promptly lose them
My thinking is, these people are not my friends and I am not taken in by the transient conviviality - for when, thereafter now you reach out to the BGMS, you’ll find yourself knocking your head against the wall.
No Access. Repeat. No Access. It is either your poor man’s call does not go through or in those rare miraculous situations when the camel ‘some how, some how’ goes through the eye of the needle, the call cries itself out, with no heeding from the outer space of course your text messages never gets a response. So much for your vaunted connection to a BGM.
A couple of months ago, I was in company of some Executive Committee members of the Ikeja bar, on a visit to Marvel Akpyibo Esq, C.P Lagos State. At the end of the visit, the police commissioner, a cheerful and banter some extrovert distributed his cards to us. I took one politely. By the next day, the card, as usual with its type flew away from my possession.
Then just five weeks ago, on a Sunday afternoon, a distress call came in. The caller's plight was that his mother was under arrest at Dention Police Station over a case wrongly classed ‘arson’ by the big man of the station.
When I got to the station the D.P.O was, as we say in Nigeria, “not on seat”. A fellow obliged me, the officer’s number and presto, I placed a call.
Lawyer: Good afternoon sir.
D.P.O: (gruffly) yes, good afternoon
Lawyer: Sir, I am a lawyer and I am making this call with respect to so and so madam being detained here over a case of arson.
D.P.O: Please today is a Sunday I am not in the office.
Lawyer: Sir, that’s why I am calling you
D.P.O: I am not in the office (switched off)
You can imagine my situation. Here’s Mr. Saviour, alias, lawyer, drafted in to save the situation being summarily stopped in his tracks.
Then I remembered the honorable Commissioner of Police. Lets just give that a try, I thought rather resignedly. I got the CP’s number from the incumbent Elekun of Ekunland, His Bar Majesty, the Kabiewa, Dave Ajetomobi, the Ikeja bar chair.
Then I placed the call.
Miracle 1: the call went through
Miracle 2: the call was picked
Miracle 3: the BGM, all the way from outer space gave orders for the immediate release of the detained woman.
Miracle 4: the D.P.O who had no time for small lawyer, now had time to quickly effect release of the detainee. All on the phone.
Interestingly after the release of the woman from detention, I placed calls to the honourable C.P, to say my thanks, but true to my earlier postulation, they never went through again.
Well, here sir, Marvel Akpoyibo Esq., C.P Lagos State, is my thanks. E se pupo pupo. E se gan an!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
"Remember the Hunter's Dog' By Adesina Ogunlana
Judges in a way, are like wine.
They come in different colours and bites. For some time now, I have been appearing regularly before His lordship, Mr. Justice Mufutau Olokkoba, of the Ikeja High Court, Lagos.
The Olokooba court has one important quality, that is not too common these days in so many other courts - wide intellectual ventilation. Unlike some judicial arenas, where the only wise head is the presiding judge and who declaims from an Olympian height of exclusive sagacity to an audience of dunces, the Olokooba court allows muscular, even vigorous mental jousting on legal issues and procedures between the bench and the bar. And, it is important to note that the honourable judge does not always win.
So it is safe to state that the Justice Olookoba court is a bar-friendly court. Occasionally however, the Judex sometime has cause to reprimand lawyers for one indiscretion or the other.
Last Tuesday, 6th October was one of such few days of reprimand. I hardly spent five minutes watching proceeding before I knew that a particular lawyer, had it coming to him.
The counsel’s statements and tone, and methinks, general countenance and comportment appeared to suggest a certain risible but subdued arrogance or an evasive insouciance.
The hearing in the matter at hard was almost over, when the counsel finally got the court’s goat. What happened was this the opposing counsel had suggested a date, to which suggestion, the counsel in question, retorted “but I have asked for a short date”.
The honourable Justice response went thus:-
“Oh so because you have asked for a short(er) date, you must get that date? Lawyers should refrain from conducting themselves or acting in a way that would belittle the courts; when a lawyer drags a judge down by telling his clients, “oh don’t mind the judge, he is this, he is that, he is only shooting himself in the leg. This is because when you lower the dignity of the judge, thinking that you are promoting yourself, you are actually lowering your own dignity.
It is like the case of the Hyena and the (hunter’s) dog. Any time the dog barks, the hyena would run away. Ordinarily the dog is food for the hyena, but the hyena runs because it believes that behind the dog is the hunter who can kill him.
But the dog keep asking him not to run away. He will say a lot of things about that the hunter is not even with him (the dog) or that the hunter does not always have his gun with him. Of course the dog is only harming himself, because the hunter is his protection.
If lawyers treat the court with courtesy and respect, who is that litigant that will misbehave to the court? When you see a lawyer bowing to the court or tip-toeing (so as not to make a noise with his shoes) there, the litigant cannot behave any how in court. But these days, you see lawyers, especially lady lawyers walking ka, ko, ka, ko in court.
In those days in my village, if you dare to cough one mile to the court house, even if you had tuberculosis, but things are changing now and it is not good.
Lawyers should know that they are the only professionals who are treated with so great respect by those who engage them. Yes you are the only professionals like that - people will pay you to do a job for them and they will still be prostrating for you. They are doing that because of their respect for the court, so you shouldn’t now rubbish the same court, because you’ll otherwise be shooting yourself in the foot.”
Happily the judge’s message was well received, as the lawyer in question immediately sober and repentant. Said he, “I apologise to the court and I am sorry if I had given the impression that I have no respect for the court. That is not the situation my lord. Indeed I hold the court in great esteem”
And, there, ladies and gentleman that was the end of the matter.
They come in different colours and bites. For some time now, I have been appearing regularly before His lordship, Mr. Justice Mufutau Olokkoba, of the Ikeja High Court, Lagos.
The Olokooba court has one important quality, that is not too common these days in so many other courts - wide intellectual ventilation. Unlike some judicial arenas, where the only wise head is the presiding judge and who declaims from an Olympian height of exclusive sagacity to an audience of dunces, the Olokooba court allows muscular, even vigorous mental jousting on legal issues and procedures between the bench and the bar. And, it is important to note that the honourable judge does not always win.
So it is safe to state that the Justice Olookoba court is a bar-friendly court. Occasionally however, the Judex sometime has cause to reprimand lawyers for one indiscretion or the other.
Last Tuesday, 6th October was one of such few days of reprimand. I hardly spent five minutes watching proceeding before I knew that a particular lawyer, had it coming to him.
The counsel’s statements and tone, and methinks, general countenance and comportment appeared to suggest a certain risible but subdued arrogance or an evasive insouciance.
The hearing in the matter at hard was almost over, when the counsel finally got the court’s goat. What happened was this the opposing counsel had suggested a date, to which suggestion, the counsel in question, retorted “but I have asked for a short date”.
The honourable Justice response went thus:-
“Oh so because you have asked for a short(er) date, you must get that date? Lawyers should refrain from conducting themselves or acting in a way that would belittle the courts; when a lawyer drags a judge down by telling his clients, “oh don’t mind the judge, he is this, he is that, he is only shooting himself in the leg. This is because when you lower the dignity of the judge, thinking that you are promoting yourself, you are actually lowering your own dignity.
It is like the case of the Hyena and the (hunter’s) dog. Any time the dog barks, the hyena would run away. Ordinarily the dog is food for the hyena, but the hyena runs because it believes that behind the dog is the hunter who can kill him.
But the dog keep asking him not to run away. He will say a lot of things about that the hunter is not even with him (the dog) or that the hunter does not always have his gun with him. Of course the dog is only harming himself, because the hunter is his protection.
If lawyers treat the court with courtesy and respect, who is that litigant that will misbehave to the court? When you see a lawyer bowing to the court or tip-toeing (so as not to make a noise with his shoes) there, the litigant cannot behave any how in court. But these days, you see lawyers, especially lady lawyers walking ka, ko, ka, ko in court.
In those days in my village, if you dare to cough one mile to the court house, even if you had tuberculosis, but things are changing now and it is not good.
Lawyers should know that they are the only professionals who are treated with so great respect by those who engage them. Yes you are the only professionals like that - people will pay you to do a job for them and they will still be prostrating for you. They are doing that because of their respect for the court, so you shouldn’t now rubbish the same court, because you’ll otherwise be shooting yourself in the foot.”
Happily the judge’s message was well received, as the lawyer in question immediately sober and repentant. Said he, “I apologise to the court and I am sorry if I had given the impression that I have no respect for the court. That is not the situation my lord. Indeed I hold the court in great esteem”
And, there, ladies and gentleman that was the end of the matter.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
'Sweet Father' By Adesina Ogunlana
Since my father would rather keep writing briefs and settling other people’s problems than working on his memoirs, I feel obliged to write same for him, albeit - instalmentally.
Date was 26th July 2009, time 7.45p.m when my humble self and a former Deputy gecko came to Baba’s house. The purpose of the visit was to work with the Titan to draft processes for filing Monday next against my endless pseudo prosecution in Abuja, before the L.P.D.C.
Work started in the earnest at 8.00pm, that, after a few minutes of intellectual sparring and skirmishes. Friends, it is always a joy to see a true professional, a master at work.
In a twinkle of an eye, or so it seemed, it was 11.30pm and yet only gone less than a quarter of the way. Clearly it was going to be a long night.
Having established a firm reputation at home as a mid-night lawyer, hardly expected to turn up at the home stead before the flying hours of active witches, I had no qualms at all about the passage of time.
But not my companion - he soon received a call from a badly worried wife, fairly newly married at that.
We re-assured Mrs. Adedeji, that was well and to expect her certified lover in the morning, safe and sound. The work continued. While we three barristers, Daddy 3, Adedeji and my humble self arranged our self round Daddy 3’s multi function dinning table, in the crafting out of legal missiles of all sizes, shapes and functions, D3’s secretary, an old war-horse in her own right, a veteran of many pre-court armaments, was settled behind her lap-top, feeding our words and thoughts expertly and coolly into the machine.
Just a few seconds later, it was 1.00 O’clock in the morning. Then somebody asked for a drink and Daddy3 response was to summon the staff of the Quarter-Master General office of the great house to duty. Before the next hour sped away, hot bowls of rice and meat (huge chunks) saturated stew, the type smart Eves employ in the delicate seduction of reluctant Adams, soon appeared before us. What wonderful repast to behold.
It was a sight to excite or ignite unusual creativity in the drafting of court processes. After taking a short break to do justice to the challenge placed before us, the work continued.
Suddenly when it was 3.30a.m in the morning of the 27th July when flying witches were already thinking or returning to base, Daddy 3 suddenly asked in a loud voice, 'Would you gentlemen care for a bottle of wine?' Since our answer carried a y-chromosome, Daddy 3 just strolled upstairs and produced some bottles of wonderful vines! It was just about then that I remember that the day was my birthday, the 45th.
The work continued, while the wine diminished. At about 4.15a.m, feeling the on set of tiredness, I made for the bath-room, an enclosure so neat and comfy that after a few seconds on the seat there, I drifted into slumber. Some twenty minutes later, the door knob turned and Daddy 3 in that his mellifluous and cultivated voice spake thus so gently “Oh here you were? We were wondering there where you could have been?”
It was a come-back-to-work summons. I promptly scrambled out and continued with the task at hand.
But I knew that I badly needed rest, yet here right in front of me was a 78 year-old baba still going on, apparently very strong!
I struggled on but when it was 5.30a.m, I told myself “Sina you can’t afford to die because of this case, even though it is your personal matter and all other people are your supporters. Boy, you just have to sleep.”
After discussing with my ‘Ori’ thus, I sought no counsel with any other person, not with even Daddy 3. I just stood up, marched towards the nearest sofa, and fell on it.
Within a minute, I was catapulted into slumber land. But not before noticing Daddy 3 going upstairs and coming down with a cover cloth, which he draped over me, surely with an unexpressed expression of “oh poor little boy.”
At that time, Taiwo knocked down a bottle of wine, making Daddy remark airily. “When sina wakes up, tell him we broke one for him” before getting down promptly to more work!
It was when I woke up at 6.35a.m that I saw too that the great man himself had succumbed to sleep. But it was not my own type of ‘full body’ rest. Daddy 3 slept like a Spartan-slightly reclined on a hard chair, with his chin in his left hand-obviously cogitating even in his sleep!
And it was not for long. He woke up at 7.45a.m, went upstairs to freshen up and twenty minutes was back to duty. That duty did not end till 11.50a.m!
By which time the old man was looking as if he had spent all night in his bed. Of course I must thank Mummy 3 too and my newly discovered sister - for their moral support and supply of refreshing provisions.
N.B Again I beg of you all, whenever you see my Daddy, always ask him this question - Chief when will you write your memoirs?
[My Daddy 2's blog is at: http://myakokaverandah.blogspot.com ]
Date was 26th July 2009, time 7.45p.m when my humble self and a former Deputy gecko came to Baba’s house. The purpose of the visit was to work with the Titan to draft processes for filing Monday next against my endless pseudo prosecution in Abuja, before the L.P.D.C.
Work started in the earnest at 8.00pm, that, after a few minutes of intellectual sparring and skirmishes. Friends, it is always a joy to see a true professional, a master at work.
In a twinkle of an eye, or so it seemed, it was 11.30pm and yet only gone less than a quarter of the way. Clearly it was going to be a long night.
Having established a firm reputation at home as a mid-night lawyer, hardly expected to turn up at the home stead before the flying hours of active witches, I had no qualms at all about the passage of time.
But not my companion - he soon received a call from a badly worried wife, fairly newly married at that.
We re-assured Mrs. Adedeji, that was well and to expect her certified lover in the morning, safe and sound. The work continued. While we three barristers, Daddy 3, Adedeji and my humble self arranged our self round Daddy 3’s multi function dinning table, in the crafting out of legal missiles of all sizes, shapes and functions, D3’s secretary, an old war-horse in her own right, a veteran of many pre-court armaments, was settled behind her lap-top, feeding our words and thoughts expertly and coolly into the machine.
Just a few seconds later, it was 1.00 O’clock in the morning. Then somebody asked for a drink and Daddy3 response was to summon the staff of the Quarter-Master General office of the great house to duty. Before the next hour sped away, hot bowls of rice and meat (huge chunks) saturated stew, the type smart Eves employ in the delicate seduction of reluctant Adams, soon appeared before us. What wonderful repast to behold.
It was a sight to excite or ignite unusual creativity in the drafting of court processes. After taking a short break to do justice to the challenge placed before us, the work continued.
Suddenly when it was 3.30a.m in the morning of the 27th July when flying witches were already thinking or returning to base, Daddy 3 suddenly asked in a loud voice, 'Would you gentlemen care for a bottle of wine?' Since our answer carried a y-chromosome, Daddy 3 just strolled upstairs and produced some bottles of wonderful vines! It was just about then that I remember that the day was my birthday, the 45th.
The work continued, while the wine diminished. At about 4.15a.m, feeling the on set of tiredness, I made for the bath-room, an enclosure so neat and comfy that after a few seconds on the seat there, I drifted into slumber. Some twenty minutes later, the door knob turned and Daddy 3 in that his mellifluous and cultivated voice spake thus so gently “Oh here you were? We were wondering there where you could have been?”
It was a come-back-to-work summons. I promptly scrambled out and continued with the task at hand.
But I knew that I badly needed rest, yet here right in front of me was a 78 year-old baba still going on, apparently very strong!
I struggled on but when it was 5.30a.m, I told myself “Sina you can’t afford to die because of this case, even though it is your personal matter and all other people are your supporters. Boy, you just have to sleep.”
After discussing with my ‘Ori’ thus, I sought no counsel with any other person, not with even Daddy 3. I just stood up, marched towards the nearest sofa, and fell on it.
Within a minute, I was catapulted into slumber land. But not before noticing Daddy 3 going upstairs and coming down with a cover cloth, which he draped over me, surely with an unexpressed expression of “oh poor little boy.”
At that time, Taiwo knocked down a bottle of wine, making Daddy remark airily. “When sina wakes up, tell him we broke one for him” before getting down promptly to more work!
It was when I woke up at 6.35a.m that I saw too that the great man himself had succumbed to sleep. But it was not my own type of ‘full body’ rest. Daddy 3 slept like a Spartan-slightly reclined on a hard chair, with his chin in his left hand-obviously cogitating even in his sleep!
And it was not for long. He woke up at 7.45a.m, went upstairs to freshen up and twenty minutes was back to duty. That duty did not end till 11.50a.m!
By which time the old man was looking as if he had spent all night in his bed. Of course I must thank Mummy 3 too and my newly discovered sister - for their moral support and supply of refreshing provisions.
N.B Again I beg of you all, whenever you see my Daddy, always ask him this question - Chief when will you write your memoirs?
[My Daddy 2's blog is at: http://myakokaverandah.blogspot.com ]
'Time Is, But Time Will Be No More' By Adesina Ogunlana
HON.JUSTICE INUMIDUN AKANDE
THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUDGE
LAGOS STATE
Dear Sir,
On September 8 2009, your lordship fully and officially occupied the captaincy of the Lagos State Judiciary. It was a colourful and happy occasion, when Mr. Eko Oni Baje, better known as Babatunde Raji Fashola, S.A.N, the 13th Governor of Lagos State completed the process of your appointment and elevation as the 13th Chief Judge of Lagos State by swearing you in to the great office.
Of course...
THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUDGE
LAGOS STATE
Dear Sir,
On September 8 2009, your lordship fully and officially occupied the captaincy of the Lagos State Judiciary. It was a colourful and happy occasion, when Mr. Eko Oni Baje, better known as Babatunde Raji Fashola, S.A.N, the 13th Governor of Lagos State completed the process of your appointment and elevation as the 13th Chief Judge of Lagos State by swearing you in to the great office.
Of course...
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