They Come With Envelopes

There are readers and there are readers. Readers of the Squib Magazine; remember the Squib? That’s the magazine with the singular distinction of being judicially and judiciously branded by a former Chief Judge of Lagos State (Nigeria), the incomparable “Debisi Baby” as “an obnoxious publication.”

One wonders however, how “an obnoxious publication” has not only survived for the past six years but is even growing from strength to strength in “sweet wickedness.” http://www.squibanticorruption.com/ But I digress. We were talking about the readers of the Squib. You see, Squib readers come in different shapes and styles. And I, the First Gecko, should know (See http://www.squiblogg.blogspot.com/).
A major group of Squib readers are those I take the liberty to label the SQUIB ADDICTS or SQUIBADDIES for short.

Squibaddies love to read the Squib so much that they feel great pain and a deep sense of loss anytime the fire-workish magazine is not on the stands. A squibaddie confessed to me a couple of weeks ago that for him the squib is a weekly tonic which “I cannot afford to miss.”
However despite their addiction, there are squibaddies who cannot openly identify with their piece of ‘intellectual cocaine’ and engrossing literary howitzer.

On the surface, these members of the Nicodemus sub-specie of Squibaddies, may appear to have no interest at all in the “obnoxious publication.” In public and in polite circles, you will never hear or see them indicating any interest in the Squib. But there in their closets and drawers, both at home and in the office, you will find piles and piles of the obnoxious publication.
In getting their regular shots, Squibaddies of the Nicodemus sub-class are quite ingenious. I tell you. This is how they go about it. Sorry, I changed my mind. Instead of cheaply divulging the secret to you, I invite you on a voyage of discovery.

In the mornings, especially Mondays and Tuesdays, just go to a spot in the Ikeja High Court called the SQUIB ROTUNDA. You will see some Squib-selling folk there. After a while you will see some other folk coming from different temples of justice, approaching the Rotunda, after glancing furtively about, one after the other. Usually these other folk hold big brown envelopes in their hands. Then when they are right under the Rotunda, these envelope bearers quickly give some quid to the Squib sellers and with the same alacrity pick their ‘drug’ and deposit it efficiently in their envelopes. Then they go back to their offices and to their lords.
Some minutes later, you will hear (if you have Squib-like ears) one ‘milord or milady calling another milady on the phone, saying
“Ah, have you seen the Squib today? It is too much.
Omo yen o ni pa wa! (that guy will not be the death of us!) I won’t lend you my copy. Go and get yours.”

Of course, it is no surprise then that more and more envelope bearers will turn up from you know where, for you know what, under the SQUIB ROTUNDA.