'Fake Solutions' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB

Once upon a time, there were two close friends, named Joju and Loju. One day Joju cropped a cough from God knew where. Loju too discovered that he had ring worms on his hands and legs.

It was not long that the ailments drove the two friends to despair; particularly as the ailments were not members of the society of silence. Joju's cough did not care for occasions, neither Loju's epidermal home grown embarrassment. Joju might be in the middle of some disquisition on matters of the heart with a pretty lass or was busy closing a deal with a craftsman, when the tormentor in his throat would compel him to start violent vocalisation in fits and spurts.

As for Loju, the sudden orders to start scratching away, with careless, but compulsory abandon tended not to come in the privacy of his room or while in the solitary walk to his farm. Rather the signals were often received in the market place, family meetings, or during the popular ayo games.

In short, the friends before long became objects of ridicule in their village. Then one of their neighbours called Amona, told them the obvious truth
“You guys need to see a doctor fast” said Amona.
The friends eagerly agreed but which of the doctors to see? Amona told them of a very good doctor who dispensed efficacious medications. The only problem was “his medicines tend to be bitter, most of the time”
“Bitter medicine!” Both friends cried out t the same time and begged Amona to take them to another doctor. Amona agreed saying “I know another one his own medicines are anything but bitter. They will make you FEEL better in no time”

Joju and Loju without hesitation indicated their interest in this second doctor. When they got to the man's clinic, the doctor quickly confirmed his reputation as a dispenser of interesting medicines.
“Joju your case is easy.
Loju your case too is easy. In fact very easy. For you Joju, your medicine is akara that has pepper and onions, while Loju your medicine is 'adi-agbon' (palm-kernel oil)” declared the doctor.
The two friends were over joyed. Joju incidentally loved eating akara while Loju really fancied adigbon's for its smell and the shine it gives the body.

Very happily and eagerly both look to their medicines and for a while it appeared as if their ailments were losing out to the onslaught of the “new improved medicine.” For example Joju's coughing fits reduced from 4 times a minute to twice a minute while Loju's “scratch-mania” became mere “scratchy- scratchy”

However at the end of a week, the two friends realised that they had only been foolish in relying on peppered akara to cure whooping cough and adi-agbon to drive away virulent attacks of ring- worms. So they rushed back to Amona to lead them to the door step of the doctor “with the bitter but effective medicine”.

Now, how I wish Lagos State would do likewise in the matter of creating neatness, orderliness on Lagos streets. The solution certainly does not lie in the type of recent funny legislations of the State, where huge sums of money are to be slammed on those who contravene traffic regulations, or those who hawk wares on the highway.

These news laws are not only outrageous for being impractical and insensitive, but also because they leave the fundamental problems that led to this sad situation untouched while focusing on consequences or effect of the problems. They may at first appear to be working but they will ultimately failed just like peppered akara treatment for whooping cough. The highway hawkers and the mad drivers will bounce back because the laws do not attack the roots of their creation.