'Identity Crisis' By Adesina Ogunlana

THE LEARNED SQUIB

Last week, precisely Monday the 2nd of June 2008, a call came through my ‘Gizm’ pack. The voice that sounded in my ears clearly painted the picture that the caller was distressed and agitated.
“You just have to come quickly to the High Court and read for yourself the much of NBA Ikeja money you have been alleged to have misappropriated.” said the voice.

Okay, so I was the ‘allegee.’ That’s settled. But who was the “alleger?” I asked the voice. When there’s a report that you are a scoundrel, it is natural to want to know who or what the accuser(s) is.
My accuser, good enough had a name but arduously, lacked an identity. According to my caller, the accuser went by the name Transparency Group (NBA Ikeja).

My immediate reaction was to laugh and hiss at the same time. Just a week earlier, I learnt that a so called Integrity Lawyers Group, sent a mail, courtesy internet services, to the world, including recuperating Chief Gani Fawehinmi S.A.N claiming most mendaciously that I “chopped” some NBA Ikeja branch funds. Not by myself alone, mind you, but with some like-minds.

When I was told of the sub-standard mendacity of the Integrity Group, I asked for the identity of the authors of the big lie. And I was told that the authors were playing ‘lagbaja’ with their identity. All that could be seen or heard or known of them was their mask or paraphernalia of rikisi (intrigue and mischief).

Most interestingly I heard that some friends of mine are terribly upset about the lies of the Otegrity and Otasparency groups against me. Some of these friends went to fetch their guns, some looked for matchets and most frighteningly of all, some headed for Ijebu. You know what that means.
May I use this opportunity to appeal to my concerned friends to sheath their swords? It is not necessary to take up arms in the circumstances. And, I am serious about this.
Alright, the allegation is weighty. For a thief catcher to be labelled a thief, embezzler of public funds is not a compliment. No doubt. But what reasonable person will take the accusation of a ghost, a disembodied being, a faceless twat(s) serious?
Verily I tell you, both the Otegrity group as well as the Otasparency group are ghosts, inhabitants of the never-never world called FANTASY, which is quite some appreciable distance from the earth. And I don’t deal with ghosts, just like any reasonable humanoid.
Let the ghosts cry and wail and shout to the high heavens that I am even a bank robber, I will not be moved. Ghosts don’t move me, much less their rantings.