If there is any counsel anywhere whose cockles are warmed when referred to or identified as a barrister, he must be a new wig. How new wigs like to show off that they are now members of the bar!
THE bar, mind you, not that other universal bar which comes in different shapes and sizes but where libations may or may not precede imbibation, which may proceed to intoxication, exceeding not unusually to stupefaction.
I think it not untoward for a counsel duly called to the bar to wish to be known as a gentleman. People, it is no joke, at least in Nigeria, to legitimately attain the double barreled status of “barrister and solicitor of the Supreme Court of Nigeria.”
For me, many years after leaving the university, I still remember my ordeals so to say under intellectual task masters such as Yemi “Res gestae” Osinbajo, Benedicta “Master Your Torts” Susu, “One-point-zero” Smith, Mike “Constitutional Terror” Ikhariale, Baba, “Jurrrysprudenze” Daramola there and even greater ‘Horrors’ at the school of all schools, the Nigerian Law School.
But it is one thing to say you are one thing, it is another to look it. If you take a spoonful of the contents of a bottle labeled ‘Honey’ and only then realize you’ve lubricated your innards with vinegar, it is doubtful you’ll break into a smile; grimace, more like it.
It is, perhaps an imperfect analogy, but that’s how one may liken the dressing of many new wigs which hardly matches the expected level of true and proper counsel.
The public perception and expectation (a reasonable one for that matter) of a legal practitioner in terms of dressing and comportment is that he should always look decent, respectable and attractive.
Unfortunately, many new wigs are sloppy, indifferent and distasteful dressers.
Uncountable numbers of them have lost employment opportunities due wholly or in part, to poor dressing. What reasonable principal would consider taking on a new wig who comes for interview wearing an unironed shirt and a perishing jacket?
There was an occasion a new wig seriously in search of a job came to me wearing a stressed out buba and sokoto with a “tekowi” looking type of sandal! Since I could not imagine an Agbekoya in my chambers, I was neither slow nor polite in chasing away the disgrace from my presence.
When you meet many new wigs in the court premises these days, especially in the afternoons, they are often without any “chest ornamentation” in the form of a tie or a bib. The quick excuses are: “Sir, it’s so hot” and “I have just left the court room.”
But as we have said earlier, these are just excuses to justify a not so respectable appearance. Come rain, come shine, a gentleman except in dire, emergency situations and circumstances, will always look decent and respectable.
It baffles me when new wigs complain that they are not given due respect by older colleagues, judges, judiciary staff and even litigants. Is it because I’m young?’ they fume.
They seem to forget that already they are at a disadvantage ab-initio by being mere youths in a patriarchal, gerontocratic society and novice entrants into a conservative profession that practices seniority. To now indulge in a dressing mode that demonstrates and even emphasizes the “I-don-care” casualness, if not libertine, control-resisting impulses and tendencies of youth now puts them in the tragic shoes of the proverbial man marked down for roasting who goes ahead to give himself an oil wash.
Who will give respect to a young lawyer who looks like a failed or failing salesman? Who will yield honour to a new wig who can be mistaken for a secondary school drop-out or a medicine peddler? I think I should put in an extra word for new wigs who are ladies, as some of them not only dress poorly but wrongly.
Any lady who is called to the Nigerian Bar cannot embrace the Book of Revelation and the Scriptures of exposure and strut about as a sex-bomb and expect to be considered and treated any better than a hooker on the loose.
Of course, dressing the part of a lawyer does not need to be expensive. There are so many places including ‘bend down boutiques’ where a man may go and ‘select’ and go home with neat and decent wears.
Is somebody scoffing there? Verily I say unto you: better to patronize Aswani market for wears on Saturday and look okay on Monday than to look vulture-shabby and blame your pathetic appearance on your lean pockets!
The basic rules governing good dressing are as follows:
1. Accept these two colours: black and white as major colours you have to live with, all the days of your professional life. Two other colours you should also embrace are navy-blue and grey. The reason is that these are sober colours, acceptable in the profession, for most occasions.
A legal practitioner is in a sober and conservative profession and as such it is not expected especially in court to turn up in bright and loud colours.
This means it is a “crime” to come to court in shoes and wears coloured orange, red, gold, brown, green, etc. These are the colours of modern day tele-evangelists, actors, musicians and such others.
2. Be well groomed. Take care of your hair cuts and hair dos. Stay away from the weird and the fantastic. You are not a thespian? Avoid sloppy “finishing” like unshaved cheeks, unpolished shoes, ‘fling-y’ shoe laces, unpruned nails, large and loud ornaments, scruffy bags, tousled hair, scrappy belts.
3. Wear clean clothes. Your wears need not be expensive. In fact they can be the cheapest anywhere but you must wear them neat. Your suits must be neat; your ties and bibs neat and unstained.
Your shoes must not be crying for salvation or yelling for attention. And if you have a car, it must not look like a mobile mad-house or an ambulatory dung-heap! Your car is an extension of your appearance.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
'Home Truths For New Wigs II' By Adesina Ogunlana
Good effective lawyers, especially advocates do not share beddings with fear or any of its variants, like shyness, self-effacement, false humility and timidity.
On the contrary they are bold, and active. They are goal getters, determined to see things through, no matter the odds or challenges.
This, of course is the attitude of champions and winners. The virtue of having self-confident is the platform they use to launch themselves into the actulisation of their goals.
Unfortunately quite a few of new-wigs are not only worms, they are content to remain worms, forever or so it seems.
These types are the one who has a regular song on their lips. The song is short and simple- “I can’t do it," For example when the Principal passes on a case file to the worm-wig, to study and draft for a motion, the w-w opens his eyes in alarm, then belts out his song in a mean- “I can’t do it sir”
When the principal says for the w-w to prepare for a trial which he conduct at the magistrate court, the w-w’s heart palpitates, before singing- “I can’t do it sir."
Of course the w-w loves to go to the High Court and other superior courts-but only as a tourist or a spectator or at best a lawyer’s companion whose job does not exceed carrying bags and files, taking notes, fetching authorities for the lead counsel.
The w-w is sorely afraid that he may be left alone in the court, by his senior or principal, since he believes he is too ‘small’ to stand up in court and address the judge.
So he ensures that he keeps a close watch on his lead counsel. And some have been known to go to the extent of welding their gowns to their leaders’ by way of super-glue. So that, it become a matter of “where ever you go sir, I go”
To all intents and purposes then, the w-w is merely a piece of decoration in the Chambers of his employer.
Little wonder, they do not last-only a mad employer will continue to pay for a non-productive member of staff.
Nobody is called to the Nigerian Bar of the Supreme Court as a barrister and solicitor, only to become, and even worse, remain a worm.
For the bar is too hot, too rough for any worm to find it a happy habitat. Thus the new wig, has no option, should be hope to be a useful barrister, other than to shed all fears and apprehensions and face his work with courage.
Somebody should tell the new wig that:-
(a) You are no worm, if you are, you won’t even pass your varsity examinations and graduate from the Law School.
(b) The court-room is not a shark infested ocean, waiting only two eagerly to have you for lunch
(c) Judges are no two-headed dragons, who devour new wigs.
(d) There is no crime in making mistakes-the real crime is not even trying to do anything at all or take any step for fair of failing.
(e) You too one day can will become as good and even better than those “old wigs”, you admire as “super-lawyers”. You may not realise it but the truth is that they were once green-horns like you too!
But you have to get started! Stop singing that your one and only line: "I can't do it." For, believe me, you can actually do it.
On the contrary they are bold, and active. They are goal getters, determined to see things through, no matter the odds or challenges.
This, of course is the attitude of champions and winners. The virtue of having self-confident is the platform they use to launch themselves into the actulisation of their goals.
Unfortunately quite a few of new-wigs are not only worms, they are content to remain worms, forever or so it seems.
These types are the one who has a regular song on their lips. The song is short and simple- “I can’t do it," For example when the Principal passes on a case file to the worm-wig, to study and draft for a motion, the w-w opens his eyes in alarm, then belts out his song in a mean- “I can’t do it sir”
When the principal says for the w-w to prepare for a trial which he conduct at the magistrate court, the w-w’s heart palpitates, before singing- “I can’t do it sir."
Of course the w-w loves to go to the High Court and other superior courts-but only as a tourist or a spectator or at best a lawyer’s companion whose job does not exceed carrying bags and files, taking notes, fetching authorities for the lead counsel.
The w-w is sorely afraid that he may be left alone in the court, by his senior or principal, since he believes he is too ‘small’ to stand up in court and address the judge.
So he ensures that he keeps a close watch on his lead counsel. And some have been known to go to the extent of welding their gowns to their leaders’ by way of super-glue. So that, it become a matter of “where ever you go sir, I go”
To all intents and purposes then, the w-w is merely a piece of decoration in the Chambers of his employer.
Little wonder, they do not last-only a mad employer will continue to pay for a non-productive member of staff.
Nobody is called to the Nigerian Bar of the Supreme Court as a barrister and solicitor, only to become, and even worse, remain a worm.
For the bar is too hot, too rough for any worm to find it a happy habitat. Thus the new wig, has no option, should be hope to be a useful barrister, other than to shed all fears and apprehensions and face his work with courage.
Somebody should tell the new wig that:-
(a) You are no worm, if you are, you won’t even pass your varsity examinations and graduate from the Law School.
(b) The court-room is not a shark infested ocean, waiting only two eagerly to have you for lunch
(c) Judges are no two-headed dragons, who devour new wigs.
(d) There is no crime in making mistakes-the real crime is not even trying to do anything at all or take any step for fair of failing.
(e) You too one day can will become as good and even better than those “old wigs”, you admire as “super-lawyers”. You may not realise it but the truth is that they were once green-horns like you too!
But you have to get started! Stop singing that your one and only line: "I can't do it." For, believe me, you can actually do it.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
'Home Truths For New Wigs' By Adesina Ogunlana
When two or three new wigs gather, there complaint is! Oh my God, can new wigs complain? Before getting employed, they complain about the dearth of jobs. After employment, they complain about, well about everything.
It is either the office is too far, or the job is too tedious. Of course there is the perennial complaint about poor salaries. There is the grouse against the “tyranny” of principal counsel and the oppression by the judge/magistrate.
In the event, the average Mr. or Miss New Wig is invariably a grossly dissatisfied individual who often feels cheated and exploited by his employer, thus always out to hop on to greener pastures, all the time or at least almost all the time.
However the more likely truth is that the new wig’s greatest enemy is, oft times himself. A multiple combination of character failings render many new wigs unsuitable for the tasking field of legal practice.
Below are some of these faults.
1. LAZINESS
A typical new-wig is a firm believer in the dreamer’s axiom of “Little Work, Great profit.” Unfortunately legal practice thrives on a different parameter of remuneration which is “Great Industry, Great Success” and conversely “Little Industry, Little Success.”
A typical successful lawyer is a busy bee - always reading, always consulting, always counseling, perpetually preparing.
Working long hours is the norm in his field, partly because the field of law is vast and partly because at any time, the advocates faces two barriers, the judge and the opposing counsel. Nobody scales over double barriers, with a casual leap.
But what does our “Just-called-to-the-Bar fellow want? He wants to have a life of pleasure, comfort and relaxation, of breaking very little sweat.
To such fellows, poring over case-files is a pain, studying law reports and researching authorities, a horror, not to talk of drafting and re-drafting processes, a high crime.
What our new wig wants is to spend a few hours in chambers reading soft-sell magazines or leafing through one or two documents before checking out for break and after another hour or so, close for the day. If he goes to court, he hopes to be out of the premises of the court-house before 11.00am.
And as their ilk argue, “Too much stress spoil fine boy!”
The lazy new wig cannot bear working on in the office beyond 6.00pm. And except the sun rises in the west and the moon turns pink, he will never be in the chambers on a Saturday.
Work for weekend? Tu fiaka! Am I a slave? Mr. Jelenke lawyer queries and even further-“How much are they paying me sef?”
No senior counsel employs a junior in the hope of nursing a liability. The junior is expected to add value to the chamber, and a continuous asset for that matter.
Clearly a lazy bone junior is no way an asset to his employer’s chambers. Rather he is a liability and in some situations, worse than a curse. My advice to lazy bone junior lawyer is to set up shop themselves, where they’ll be masters and mistresses of their own and even more important, take things easy. When that happens, water, as they say will quickly finds its level. To be continued…
It is either the office is too far, or the job is too tedious. Of course there is the perennial complaint about poor salaries. There is the grouse against the “tyranny” of principal counsel and the oppression by the judge/magistrate.
In the event, the average Mr. or Miss New Wig is invariably a grossly dissatisfied individual who often feels cheated and exploited by his employer, thus always out to hop on to greener pastures, all the time or at least almost all the time.
However the more likely truth is that the new wig’s greatest enemy is, oft times himself. A multiple combination of character failings render many new wigs unsuitable for the tasking field of legal practice.
Below are some of these faults.
1. LAZINESS
A typical new-wig is a firm believer in the dreamer’s axiom of “Little Work, Great profit.” Unfortunately legal practice thrives on a different parameter of remuneration which is “Great Industry, Great Success” and conversely “Little Industry, Little Success.”
A typical successful lawyer is a busy bee - always reading, always consulting, always counseling, perpetually preparing.
Working long hours is the norm in his field, partly because the field of law is vast and partly because at any time, the advocates faces two barriers, the judge and the opposing counsel. Nobody scales over double barriers, with a casual leap.
But what does our “Just-called-to-the-Bar fellow want? He wants to have a life of pleasure, comfort and relaxation, of breaking very little sweat.
To such fellows, poring over case-files is a pain, studying law reports and researching authorities, a horror, not to talk of drafting and re-drafting processes, a high crime.
What our new wig wants is to spend a few hours in chambers reading soft-sell magazines or leafing through one or two documents before checking out for break and after another hour or so, close for the day. If he goes to court, he hopes to be out of the premises of the court-house before 11.00am.
And as their ilk argue, “Too much stress spoil fine boy!”
The lazy new wig cannot bear working on in the office beyond 6.00pm. And except the sun rises in the west and the moon turns pink, he will never be in the chambers on a Saturday.
Work for weekend? Tu fiaka! Am I a slave? Mr. Jelenke lawyer queries and even further-“How much are they paying me sef?”
No senior counsel employs a junior in the hope of nursing a liability. The junior is expected to add value to the chamber, and a continuous asset for that matter.
Clearly a lazy bone junior is no way an asset to his employer’s chambers. Rather he is a liability and in some situations, worse than a curse. My advice to lazy bone junior lawyer is to set up shop themselves, where they’ll be masters and mistresses of their own and even more important, take things easy. When that happens, water, as they say will quickly finds its level. To be continued…
Thursday, November 19, 2009
LOCATIONAL ARITHMETICS By Adesina Ogunlana
Is 2+2 always 4? Constantly 4? Permanently 4? Invariably 4? Absolutely 4? Perpetually 4?
Do you know the answer? If you don’t it is sure proof that you are not an initiate of the supremely poignant science of Locational Arithmetics.
Of course a traditional mathematicial believes and will always believe that 2+2 will automatically and exclusively answer 4.
But we know better. 2+2 is not necessarily 4. it can be 7 or 50, or 1. In fact, it can be anything. And in this contention, the Lord is on my side or better and more truly still, I am on the side of the Lord.
Or is it not written in the Holy Bible that “in the eye of the Lord, a thousand years is like a day and a day like a thousand years?”
To those who are taught and believe in Rigid Mathematics to wit Traditional Mathematics, the scripture afore-mentioned is nothing but an instance of celestial tomfoolery.
For, they are bound to ask, how can a thousand years, if indeed it is a thousand years be like a day – when a day is just a day (24 hours) while a thousand years is a whopping 356,000 days? That, I guess is like saying that the antlers of a reindeer is like the ‘horns’ of a snail!
But we Locational Arithmeticians have no problem with that at all! We know for a truth that the universe is an amoeba and the inhabitants thereof are like changelings or chameleons.
You see the chameleon indeed is the true symbol of the universe’s perpetually changing faces and phases. When his habitat is brown, the ‘leon is in tandem, when orange, the ‘leon leans toward that range, when it becomes black, the ‘leon is not slack to become a fellow of the order of the soot!
In a single planet, there are many worlds and in these different worlds are thousands of varied experiences.
What is, is what, what is is as at when and by who determining what is? You can’t comprehend? Let’s take the issue of prison terms, for an illustration of the seeming puzzle.
Let’s say on January 1, 2009 (Gregorian Calender) a man was jailed by a court for 2 years. When will his jail term end?
The ordinary answer is “December 2010.” Of course that answer is not correct, for when it is August 2010, his jailers will let him out of confinement.
This is because in the world of the prison, a year does not comprise 12 months, or 52 weeks. Rather a year (in the eye) of the prison system has only 8 months, as known in the Gregorian Calendar.
Why is this so? The answer is found in the science of Locational Arithmetics.
In the “outside” world, a week has 7 days, two which days, Saturday and Sunday are days when officially people don’t work.
Only in the prison however, there is, in the eye of the “owners, founders and authorities” of the place no “non-work” days. Every day is a working day for the time server, after all his ‘work’ in the prison yard is to serve time.
Thus in the world of the prison, time is calculated in this fashion:
(1) a week is five days and not seven days
(2) a month therefore is 20 days and not thirty or thirty one days
(3) thus a year is 12 months of 20 days each, making a total of 240 days instead of the normal 365 days.
In prison, 7 days is one week plus two days. There is no weekend as known in the outside world.
If you are still arguing this by now, I have a simple advice for you. You go and get yourself a jail term and see when you will come out!
Do you know the answer? If you don’t it is sure proof that you are not an initiate of the supremely poignant science of Locational Arithmetics.
Of course a traditional mathematicial believes and will always believe that 2+2 will automatically and exclusively answer 4.
But we know better. 2+2 is not necessarily 4. it can be 7 or 50, or 1. In fact, it can be anything. And in this contention, the Lord is on my side or better and more truly still, I am on the side of the Lord.
Or is it not written in the Holy Bible that “in the eye of the Lord, a thousand years is like a day and a day like a thousand years?”
To those who are taught and believe in Rigid Mathematics to wit Traditional Mathematics, the scripture afore-mentioned is nothing but an instance of celestial tomfoolery.
For, they are bound to ask, how can a thousand years, if indeed it is a thousand years be like a day – when a day is just a day (24 hours) while a thousand years is a whopping 356,000 days? That, I guess is like saying that the antlers of a reindeer is like the ‘horns’ of a snail!
But we Locational Arithmeticians have no problem with that at all! We know for a truth that the universe is an amoeba and the inhabitants thereof are like changelings or chameleons.
You see the chameleon indeed is the true symbol of the universe’s perpetually changing faces and phases. When his habitat is brown, the ‘leon is in tandem, when orange, the ‘leon leans toward that range, when it becomes black, the ‘leon is not slack to become a fellow of the order of the soot!
In a single planet, there are many worlds and in these different worlds are thousands of varied experiences.
What is, is what, what is is as at when and by who determining what is? You can’t comprehend? Let’s take the issue of prison terms, for an illustration of the seeming puzzle.
Let’s say on January 1, 2009 (Gregorian Calender) a man was jailed by a court for 2 years. When will his jail term end?
The ordinary answer is “December 2010.” Of course that answer is not correct, for when it is August 2010, his jailers will let him out of confinement.
This is because in the world of the prison, a year does not comprise 12 months, or 52 weeks. Rather a year (in the eye) of the prison system has only 8 months, as known in the Gregorian Calendar.
Why is this so? The answer is found in the science of Locational Arithmetics.
In the “outside” world, a week has 7 days, two which days, Saturday and Sunday are days when officially people don’t work.
Only in the prison however, there is, in the eye of the “owners, founders and authorities” of the place no “non-work” days. Every day is a working day for the time server, after all his ‘work’ in the prison yard is to serve time.
Thus in the world of the prison, time is calculated in this fashion:
(1) a week is five days and not seven days
(2) a month therefore is 20 days and not thirty or thirty one days
(3) thus a year is 12 months of 20 days each, making a total of 240 days instead of the normal 365 days.
In prison, 7 days is one week plus two days. There is no weekend as known in the outside world.
If you are still arguing this by now, I have a simple advice for you. You go and get yourself a jail term and see when you will come out!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
'AND A CALL CAME THROUGH' By Adesina Ogunlana
Agnes knew that a quarrel with her husband Addeh was inevitable. While she was very interested in attending a big “owambe” party by a friend of their family in Ilesha, Addeh was not keen at all.
She decided to battle him early. So as early as 5.30 am, she had jumped out of the bed and started making preparations. When it was 6.50 am, she breezily announced to Addeh who was still in bed, “Dear, you have to get up now for your bath. You know we are going to Ilesa today.” The loud declaration forced its way into Addeh’s hearing. He opened an eye and grunted, “What did you say? Ilesa?”
“Yes we are going to Ilesa for chief’s party,” Agnes replied even more breezily. Her husband now groaned and said “Oh my God, not today. I am so tired. Ilesa? Ah, no, no, Ilesa is too far.” “Don’t worry about the distance. I have asked Kayode to come to work today to drive us down,” Agnes explained.
“But you know I don’t have the time. I have a very serious trial on Monday. I must still get to the chambers today.”
“When will you ever have time, you this man? Work, work, everytime. Chief will not be happy if we don’t attend his father’s burial. We’ll be there together. You are fond of giving excuses every time. Your cases are always more important, than the happiness of your home. Are you the only lawyer in Lagos? Agnes said sourly.
“Will you stop that? There you go again with your annoying queries,” said Addeh, annoyed that sleep had cleared from his eyes.
Suddenly Agnes changed tack as she swept down to Addeh and hugged him. But Addeh got even more irritated and scrambled up to his feet.
“No need for all that. I’ll go with you.”
The journey to Ilesa was smooth but rather quiet. Addeh buried his head in two big files, almost all through the three hour journey, much to the annoyance of his wife who so badly wanted to chat with him. Even when she offered him on-the-road snacks, he only nibbled at them absentmindedly while mumbling occasionally to himself.
The party was a success as far as Agnes was concerned. There was enough to eat and drink and ample opportunity to dance. She loved to dance and particularly with her husband.
Addeh however did not “catch fire.” He was just going through the motions of greeting friends and acquaintances. He ate distractedly.
The journey back to Lagos was also smooth. And, quiet. Addeh slept all through. The rest was strategic, for later at about 2.00am, he woke up and headed straight to his study. To face those files again.
The barrister managed to attend church service but escaped straight to his chambers, once it was 1.00pm. and he did not come back home until 10.00pm.
Though weary, he was happy. In his happiness it took him some time to realize that Agnes was rather glum.
“Ha, sis, where are my kids? My opponents will smell pepper tomorrow” said he, addressing Agnes, who was curled up on a seat, a scowl on her face.
“Welcome O, Lagos lawyer. Your kids are asleep sir. We should thank God that you have time for us now, since Friday?” said Agnes coldly.
It was time for Addeh to be in a chatty mood and for Agnes to be sober and quiet. As Addeh ate his dinner, he continued to regale his wife with stories of his deep preparation for the case. He concluded with a boast: “See, even if they (the adverse party) should wake up both F.R.A Williams and Gani Fawehinmi from the dead and line them against me, I can’t lose the case. I am bringing an expert in philately all the way from Gambia for this case.”
The next morning, Barrister Addeh was the first counsel to be in court. His expert witness and his client came in together, a few minutes after. The time was 8.25am.
When it was 8.46am, Addeh sighted the opposing counsel, a fat, pompous and garrulous lawyer trundling in to the court with his customary self important airs.
“You are in for a shock today, you and your client,” said Addeh to himself. Suddenly an idea flashed into Addeh’s mind. He quietly glanced at his watch which indicated 8.50am.
“I just have to check this up,” muttered Addeh as he rushed out of the court and half sprinted to the court library. It was 8.58pm when he sprinted out of the library.
He was out of breath when he reached the door of the court. Just then the court registrar called out his case, “ID/12999/11 Sogolongo Nigeria Ltd.vs Ologose Electricals!” Addeh stopped dead in his tracks. He could not see the judge in his customary place or anywhere else in the court. What was happening?
“Are parties present? Counsel, which date? Asked the registrar.”Date?” ejaculated Addeh, looking quite bewildered.
“Oh sorry counsel, but milord is not sitting today he went for a seminar,” answered the court registrar.
POSTSCRIPT:
Last week, a call came through to me. The voice on the other end said “Good evening Mr. Ogunlana. Milord asked me to tell you not to bother to come tomorrow for your matter before us, as the judgement is not ready yet. His Lordship also said for you to pass the message to the counsel on the other side.”
The piece is my way of saying “Thank you milord, for the call.”
She decided to battle him early. So as early as 5.30 am, she had jumped out of the bed and started making preparations. When it was 6.50 am, she breezily announced to Addeh who was still in bed, “Dear, you have to get up now for your bath. You know we are going to Ilesa today.” The loud declaration forced its way into Addeh’s hearing. He opened an eye and grunted, “What did you say? Ilesa?”
“Yes we are going to Ilesa for chief’s party,” Agnes replied even more breezily. Her husband now groaned and said “Oh my God, not today. I am so tired. Ilesa? Ah, no, no, Ilesa is too far.” “Don’t worry about the distance. I have asked Kayode to come to work today to drive us down,” Agnes explained.
“But you know I don’t have the time. I have a very serious trial on Monday. I must still get to the chambers today.”
“When will you ever have time, you this man? Work, work, everytime. Chief will not be happy if we don’t attend his father’s burial. We’ll be there together. You are fond of giving excuses every time. Your cases are always more important, than the happiness of your home. Are you the only lawyer in Lagos? Agnes said sourly.
“Will you stop that? There you go again with your annoying queries,” said Addeh, annoyed that sleep had cleared from his eyes.
Suddenly Agnes changed tack as she swept down to Addeh and hugged him. But Addeh got even more irritated and scrambled up to his feet.
“No need for all that. I’ll go with you.”
The journey to Ilesa was smooth but rather quiet. Addeh buried his head in two big files, almost all through the three hour journey, much to the annoyance of his wife who so badly wanted to chat with him. Even when she offered him on-the-road snacks, he only nibbled at them absentmindedly while mumbling occasionally to himself.
The party was a success as far as Agnes was concerned. There was enough to eat and drink and ample opportunity to dance. She loved to dance and particularly with her husband.
Addeh however did not “catch fire.” He was just going through the motions of greeting friends and acquaintances. He ate distractedly.
The journey back to Lagos was also smooth. And, quiet. Addeh slept all through. The rest was strategic, for later at about 2.00am, he woke up and headed straight to his study. To face those files again.
The barrister managed to attend church service but escaped straight to his chambers, once it was 1.00pm. and he did not come back home until 10.00pm.
Though weary, he was happy. In his happiness it took him some time to realize that Agnes was rather glum.
“Ha, sis, where are my kids? My opponents will smell pepper tomorrow” said he, addressing Agnes, who was curled up on a seat, a scowl on her face.
“Welcome O, Lagos lawyer. Your kids are asleep sir. We should thank God that you have time for us now, since Friday?” said Agnes coldly.
It was time for Addeh to be in a chatty mood and for Agnes to be sober and quiet. As Addeh ate his dinner, he continued to regale his wife with stories of his deep preparation for the case. He concluded with a boast: “See, even if they (the adverse party) should wake up both F.R.A Williams and Gani Fawehinmi from the dead and line them against me, I can’t lose the case. I am bringing an expert in philately all the way from Gambia for this case.”
The next morning, Barrister Addeh was the first counsel to be in court. His expert witness and his client came in together, a few minutes after. The time was 8.25am.
When it was 8.46am, Addeh sighted the opposing counsel, a fat, pompous and garrulous lawyer trundling in to the court with his customary self important airs.
“You are in for a shock today, you and your client,” said Addeh to himself. Suddenly an idea flashed into Addeh’s mind. He quietly glanced at his watch which indicated 8.50am.
“I just have to check this up,” muttered Addeh as he rushed out of the court and half sprinted to the court library. It was 8.58pm when he sprinted out of the library.
He was out of breath when he reached the door of the court. Just then the court registrar called out his case, “ID/12999/11 Sogolongo Nigeria Ltd.vs Ologose Electricals!” Addeh stopped dead in his tracks. He could not see the judge in his customary place or anywhere else in the court. What was happening?
“Are parties present? Counsel, which date? Asked the registrar.”Date?” ejaculated Addeh, looking quite bewildered.
“Oh sorry counsel, but milord is not sitting today he went for a seminar,” answered the court registrar.
POSTSCRIPT:
Last week, a call came through to me. The voice on the other end said “Good evening Mr. Ogunlana. Milord asked me to tell you not to bother to come tomorrow for your matter before us, as the judgement is not ready yet. His Lordship also said for you to pass the message to the counsel on the other side.”
The piece is my way of saying “Thank you milord, for the call.”
Monday, November 2, 2009
'Expired Terror' By Adesina Ogunlana
It is not every day, you hear what I describe as a “comprehensive judgement”. But last Friday, it was my good fortune to be there when D. Okuwobi, honourable judge of the Lagos State High Court put a judicial and judicious end to a six-year old case in her court.
It was to say the least, a deep and well thought out judicial delivery. Industry was apparent. Scholarship was present. Save for a few understandable hiccups, the delivery was great.
At the end of the day, one had to resist the impulse of giving the honourable judge a pat on the back (literally) - for the simple reason, that such is never done, and even if such were ever done, who am I or my fathers before me?
This piece however, is - sorry to disappoint you, not about Okuwobi J (whose tribe we pray should increase in the Lagos state judiciary and who I sincerely believe ought to be placed, since yesterday, upstairs).
It is about another judge. A judge I saw, seated anonymously - on a chair in the bare reception. This judge was dressed in an agbada out-fit with a deep blue cap, worn in a partial cylinder (Aro onifila gogoro) style. His presence reminded me of a potentate of a rustic kingdom in South-West Nigeria.
I recognised the man immediately but offered no greetings. But except for the two or three other people, who apparently were in his company, no other person seemed to recognize him and if they ever did, offered no salutations or otherwise gave any hint of recognition.
I simply marveled at the ways of the world, for you need to have known this man in the prime of his power as a serving judge.
It is doubtful whether you can get more than a handful of lawyers, who knew him as a serving judge in the 80s and 90s and who appeared before him, who would not shudder with revulsion at the mention of his name.
If ever a judge was a terror and a bully to legal practitioners, this man was. Deflating lawyers’ egos appeared to be his hobby and ridiculing them in open court, a common past-time.
I was there in 1997 when he reduced a lady lawyer to a trembling mass of tears. I was there when he scathingly lampooned a lawyer as a “fuji” musician and harrumphed when the lawyer said he was an Ibadan based legal practitioner. "Little wonder," snorted Mr. High and Mighty Judge.
I was also there, where he from his Olympian throne destroyed the dignity of another practitioner, by grandiosely uttering the following words. “After listening to a beautiful but empty submission, I have no hesitation whatsoever, in dismissing this application. Young man, did you say you practice in Maza-Maza? You go back there and read up your law books. If I gave you five million naira this rainy morning, as you demanded, you think you’ll work again in your life?”
I cannot forget what happened when my case, an application for certiorari was called for the first time in this judge’s court.
JUDGE: Yes counsel, what’s this matter about?
COUNSEL: Milord, it is an application for leave to obtain an order of certiorari
JUDGE: (shouting and jumping up his seat, at the same time) Mandamus! Prohibition! Certiorari all are prerogative writs. Go to Appeal! I rise!
And just like that, the judge retired to his chambers. Thirty minutes later he came back to the court only to ask: “Youngman, you are still standing there?” He heard the application perfunctorily and perfunctorily granted the leave sought.
At the next hearing date, when I was to move the application proper, the judge struck it out, in my humble view, peremptorily, wrongly and unjustifiably.
It was a rainy May morning day and time 9:03am. The matter was number one in the list. This scenario now played itself out.
COUNSEL: My lord, subject to the convenience of the honourable court, we are ready to move our application.
JUDGE: Where are the applicants?
COUNSEL: Milord, I am sorry the applicants are not right here in the court. They are on their way. I am sure it is the rain that has slowed them down.
JUDGE: it is raining but I am here all the way from Ikoyi and you too, despite the rain, are here. An application for certiorari is a serious thing and should be treated that way. The applicants can’t stay in their homes and get it. I will strike out this application.
COUNSEL: Milord, I beg the court not to strike out our application. The applicants were in court on Monday and will come today.
JUDGE: Application is hereby struck out!
Last Friday, Mr. High and Mighty Judge, was just any other citizen of the land. He started his career in the court as a lawyer and even became the chairman of his local branch. Thereafter he became a judge in the same court. Now he is but a mere litigant.
A litigant who hopes on and depends on the judgement of the new faces on the bench. That’s life my dears, and the story of Mr. Justice Ishola Olorun-Nimbe.
At least as I know it.
Igba o tan lo bi orere.
Orere omo olofin
*check out squib stories by clicking link below: http://www.squibcoverstory.blogspot.com
It was to say the least, a deep and well thought out judicial delivery. Industry was apparent. Scholarship was present. Save for a few understandable hiccups, the delivery was great.
At the end of the day, one had to resist the impulse of giving the honourable judge a pat on the back (literally) - for the simple reason, that such is never done, and even if such were ever done, who am I or my fathers before me?
This piece however, is - sorry to disappoint you, not about Okuwobi J (whose tribe we pray should increase in the Lagos state judiciary and who I sincerely believe ought to be placed, since yesterday, upstairs).
It is about another judge. A judge I saw, seated anonymously - on a chair in the bare reception. This judge was dressed in an agbada out-fit with a deep blue cap, worn in a partial cylinder (Aro onifila gogoro) style. His presence reminded me of a potentate of a rustic kingdom in South-West Nigeria.
I recognised the man immediately but offered no greetings. But except for the two or three other people, who apparently were in his company, no other person seemed to recognize him and if they ever did, offered no salutations or otherwise gave any hint of recognition.
I simply marveled at the ways of the world, for you need to have known this man in the prime of his power as a serving judge.
It is doubtful whether you can get more than a handful of lawyers, who knew him as a serving judge in the 80s and 90s and who appeared before him, who would not shudder with revulsion at the mention of his name.
If ever a judge was a terror and a bully to legal practitioners, this man was. Deflating lawyers’ egos appeared to be his hobby and ridiculing them in open court, a common past-time.
I was there in 1997 when he reduced a lady lawyer to a trembling mass of tears. I was there when he scathingly lampooned a lawyer as a “fuji” musician and harrumphed when the lawyer said he was an Ibadan based legal practitioner. "Little wonder," snorted Mr. High and Mighty Judge.
I was also there, where he from his Olympian throne destroyed the dignity of another practitioner, by grandiosely uttering the following words. “After listening to a beautiful but empty submission, I have no hesitation whatsoever, in dismissing this application. Young man, did you say you practice in Maza-Maza? You go back there and read up your law books. If I gave you five million naira this rainy morning, as you demanded, you think you’ll work again in your life?”
I cannot forget what happened when my case, an application for certiorari was called for the first time in this judge’s court.
JUDGE: Yes counsel, what’s this matter about?
COUNSEL: Milord, it is an application for leave to obtain an order of certiorari
JUDGE: (shouting and jumping up his seat, at the same time) Mandamus! Prohibition! Certiorari all are prerogative writs. Go to Appeal! I rise!
And just like that, the judge retired to his chambers. Thirty minutes later he came back to the court only to ask: “Youngman, you are still standing there?” He heard the application perfunctorily and perfunctorily granted the leave sought.
At the next hearing date, when I was to move the application proper, the judge struck it out, in my humble view, peremptorily, wrongly and unjustifiably.
It was a rainy May morning day and time 9:03am. The matter was number one in the list. This scenario now played itself out.
COUNSEL: My lord, subject to the convenience of the honourable court, we are ready to move our application.
JUDGE: Where are the applicants?
COUNSEL: Milord, I am sorry the applicants are not right here in the court. They are on their way. I am sure it is the rain that has slowed them down.
JUDGE: it is raining but I am here all the way from Ikoyi and you too, despite the rain, are here. An application for certiorari is a serious thing and should be treated that way. The applicants can’t stay in their homes and get it. I will strike out this application.
COUNSEL: Milord, I beg the court not to strike out our application. The applicants were in court on Monday and will come today.
JUDGE: Application is hereby struck out!
Last Friday, Mr. High and Mighty Judge, was just any other citizen of the land. He started his career in the court as a lawyer and even became the chairman of his local branch. Thereafter he became a judge in the same court. Now he is but a mere litigant.
A litigant who hopes on and depends on the judgement of the new faces on the bench. That’s life my dears, and the story of Mr. Justice Ishola Olorun-Nimbe.
At least as I know it.
Igba o tan lo bi orere.
Orere omo olofin
*check out squib stories by clicking link below: http://www.squibcoverstory.blogspot.com
Saturday, October 31, 2009
'Thank You, Marvel' By Adesina Ogunlana
I have a confession to make. A small one really - I am always suspicious of big men. And big women too. They type that one now extinct political character, coloured flamboyantly with the unforgettable phrase “Men of timber and caliber.”
If you are no heavy weight yourself, you’ll be kidding yourself to see a friend in a big man especially where the big man, is a big man in government.
Trust you to know their type, governors, Deputy governors, Senators, Commissioners, Ministers, Ambassadors, Special Assistant, Director-General, etc.
What a new unknown safe postulated about these GBM (Government Big Men) is for most tunes, an infallible truism-“A friend in government is a friend lost”
When you need the help and services of the GBMS, you’ll find yourself in a quandary of shocked disappointment suddenly. You are like the man who puts his hand to the scabbard to pull out a trusty blade in self defence, only to find only a needle there, if anything at all!
One may not blame the big men too much. It may be a class thing. You know the law of social grouping says a member of a group (all other things being equal) receives attention and care almost compulsorily from other members of his group."
This is a longish way of stating what the yorubas have known from time immemorial that “Olowo a sore olowo,
olosi a sore olosi”.
“As the rich is friend to the rich
the wretch to the wretch.”
So whatever I “jam” a BGM, I take their display of amity and fanfares of familiarity with a grain of salt. I do not make the mistake of asking for the compulsory cards of BGMS and when they offer me, I promptly lose them
My thinking is, these people are not my friends and I am not taken in by the transient conviviality - for when, thereafter now you reach out to the BGMS, you’ll find yourself knocking your head against the wall.
No Access. Repeat. No Access. It is either your poor man’s call does not go through or in those rare miraculous situations when the camel ‘some how, some how’ goes through the eye of the needle, the call cries itself out, with no heeding from the outer space of course your text messages never gets a response. So much for your vaunted connection to a BGM.
A couple of months ago, I was in company of some Executive Committee members of the Ikeja bar, on a visit to Marvel Akpyibo Esq, C.P Lagos State. At the end of the visit, the police commissioner, a cheerful and banter some extrovert distributed his cards to us. I took one politely. By the next day, the card, as usual with its type flew away from my possession.
Then just five weeks ago, on a Sunday afternoon, a distress call came in. The caller's plight was that his mother was under arrest at Dention Police Station over a case wrongly classed ‘arson’ by the big man of the station.
When I got to the station the D.P.O was, as we say in Nigeria, “not on seat”. A fellow obliged me, the officer’s number and presto, I placed a call.
Lawyer: Good afternoon sir.
D.P.O: (gruffly) yes, good afternoon
Lawyer: Sir, I am a lawyer and I am making this call with respect to so and so madam being detained here over a case of arson.
D.P.O: Please today is a Sunday I am not in the office.
Lawyer: Sir, that’s why I am calling you
D.P.O: I am not in the office (switched off)
You can imagine my situation. Here’s Mr. Saviour, alias, lawyer, drafted in to save the situation being summarily stopped in his tracks.
Then I remembered the honorable Commissioner of Police. Lets just give that a try, I thought rather resignedly. I got the CP’s number from the incumbent Elekun of Ekunland, His Bar Majesty, the Kabiewa, Dave Ajetomobi, the Ikeja bar chair.
Then I placed the call.
Miracle 1: the call went through
Miracle 2: the call was picked
Miracle 3: the BGM, all the way from outer space gave orders for the immediate release of the detained woman.
Miracle 4: the D.P.O who had no time for small lawyer, now had time to quickly effect release of the detainee. All on the phone.
Interestingly after the release of the woman from detention, I placed calls to the honourable C.P, to say my thanks, but true to my earlier postulation, they never went through again.
Well, here sir, Marvel Akpoyibo Esq., C.P Lagos State, is my thanks. E se pupo pupo. E se gan an!
If you are no heavy weight yourself, you’ll be kidding yourself to see a friend in a big man especially where the big man, is a big man in government.
Trust you to know their type, governors, Deputy governors, Senators, Commissioners, Ministers, Ambassadors, Special Assistant, Director-General, etc.
What a new unknown safe postulated about these GBM (Government Big Men) is for most tunes, an infallible truism-“A friend in government is a friend lost”
When you need the help and services of the GBMS, you’ll find yourself in a quandary of shocked disappointment suddenly. You are like the man who puts his hand to the scabbard to pull out a trusty blade in self defence, only to find only a needle there, if anything at all!
One may not blame the big men too much. It may be a class thing. You know the law of social grouping says a member of a group (all other things being equal) receives attention and care almost compulsorily from other members of his group."
This is a longish way of stating what the yorubas have known from time immemorial that “Olowo a sore olowo,
olosi a sore olosi”.
“As the rich is friend to the rich
the wretch to the wretch.”
So whatever I “jam” a BGM, I take their display of amity and fanfares of familiarity with a grain of salt. I do not make the mistake of asking for the compulsory cards of BGMS and when they offer me, I promptly lose them
My thinking is, these people are not my friends and I am not taken in by the transient conviviality - for when, thereafter now you reach out to the BGMS, you’ll find yourself knocking your head against the wall.
No Access. Repeat. No Access. It is either your poor man’s call does not go through or in those rare miraculous situations when the camel ‘some how, some how’ goes through the eye of the needle, the call cries itself out, with no heeding from the outer space of course your text messages never gets a response. So much for your vaunted connection to a BGM.
A couple of months ago, I was in company of some Executive Committee members of the Ikeja bar, on a visit to Marvel Akpyibo Esq, C.P Lagos State. At the end of the visit, the police commissioner, a cheerful and banter some extrovert distributed his cards to us. I took one politely. By the next day, the card, as usual with its type flew away from my possession.
Then just five weeks ago, on a Sunday afternoon, a distress call came in. The caller's plight was that his mother was under arrest at Dention Police Station over a case wrongly classed ‘arson’ by the big man of the station.
When I got to the station the D.P.O was, as we say in Nigeria, “not on seat”. A fellow obliged me, the officer’s number and presto, I placed a call.
Lawyer: Good afternoon sir.
D.P.O: (gruffly) yes, good afternoon
Lawyer: Sir, I am a lawyer and I am making this call with respect to so and so madam being detained here over a case of arson.
D.P.O: Please today is a Sunday I am not in the office.
Lawyer: Sir, that’s why I am calling you
D.P.O: I am not in the office (switched off)
You can imagine my situation. Here’s Mr. Saviour, alias, lawyer, drafted in to save the situation being summarily stopped in his tracks.
Then I remembered the honorable Commissioner of Police. Lets just give that a try, I thought rather resignedly. I got the CP’s number from the incumbent Elekun of Ekunland, His Bar Majesty, the Kabiewa, Dave Ajetomobi, the Ikeja bar chair.
Then I placed the call.
Miracle 1: the call went through
Miracle 2: the call was picked
Miracle 3: the BGM, all the way from outer space gave orders for the immediate release of the detained woman.
Miracle 4: the D.P.O who had no time for small lawyer, now had time to quickly effect release of the detainee. All on the phone.
Interestingly after the release of the woman from detention, I placed calls to the honourable C.P, to say my thanks, but true to my earlier postulation, they never went through again.
Well, here sir, Marvel Akpoyibo Esq., C.P Lagos State, is my thanks. E se pupo pupo. E se gan an!
"Remember the Hunter's Dog' By Adesina Ogunlana
Judges in a way, are like wine.
They come in different colours and bites. For some time now, I have been appearing regularly before His lordship, Mr. Justice Mufutau Olokkoba, of the Ikeja High Court, Lagos.
The Olokooba court has one important quality, that is not too common these days in so many other courts - wide intellectual ventilation. Unlike some judicial arenas, where the only wise head is the presiding judge and who declaims from an Olympian height of exclusive sagacity to an audience of dunces, the Olokooba court allows muscular, even vigorous mental jousting on legal issues and procedures between the bench and the bar. And, it is important to note that the honourable judge does not always win.
So it is safe to state that the Justice Olookoba court is a bar-friendly court. Occasionally however, the Judex sometime has cause to reprimand lawyers for one indiscretion or the other.
Last Tuesday, 6th October was one of such few days of reprimand. I hardly spent five minutes watching proceeding before I knew that a particular lawyer, had it coming to him.
The counsel’s statements and tone, and methinks, general countenance and comportment appeared to suggest a certain risible but subdued arrogance or an evasive insouciance.
The hearing in the matter at hard was almost over, when the counsel finally got the court’s goat. What happened was this the opposing counsel had suggested a date, to which suggestion, the counsel in question, retorted “but I have asked for a short date”.
The honourable Justice response went thus:-
“Oh so because you have asked for a short(er) date, you must get that date? Lawyers should refrain from conducting themselves or acting in a way that would belittle the courts; when a lawyer drags a judge down by telling his clients, “oh don’t mind the judge, he is this, he is that, he is only shooting himself in the leg. This is because when you lower the dignity of the judge, thinking that you are promoting yourself, you are actually lowering your own dignity.
It is like the case of the Hyena and the (hunter’s) dog. Any time the dog barks, the hyena would run away. Ordinarily the dog is food for the hyena, but the hyena runs because it believes that behind the dog is the hunter who can kill him.
But the dog keep asking him not to run away. He will say a lot of things about that the hunter is not even with him (the dog) or that the hunter does not always have his gun with him. Of course the dog is only harming himself, because the hunter is his protection.
If lawyers treat the court with courtesy and respect, who is that litigant that will misbehave to the court? When you see a lawyer bowing to the court or tip-toeing (so as not to make a noise with his shoes) there, the litigant cannot behave any how in court. But these days, you see lawyers, especially lady lawyers walking ka, ko, ka, ko in court.
In those days in my village, if you dare to cough one mile to the court house, even if you had tuberculosis, but things are changing now and it is not good.
Lawyers should know that they are the only professionals who are treated with so great respect by those who engage them. Yes you are the only professionals like that - people will pay you to do a job for them and they will still be prostrating for you. They are doing that because of their respect for the court, so you shouldn’t now rubbish the same court, because you’ll otherwise be shooting yourself in the foot.”
Happily the judge’s message was well received, as the lawyer in question immediately sober and repentant. Said he, “I apologise to the court and I am sorry if I had given the impression that I have no respect for the court. That is not the situation my lord. Indeed I hold the court in great esteem”
And, there, ladies and gentleman that was the end of the matter.
They come in different colours and bites. For some time now, I have been appearing regularly before His lordship, Mr. Justice Mufutau Olokkoba, of the Ikeja High Court, Lagos.
The Olokooba court has one important quality, that is not too common these days in so many other courts - wide intellectual ventilation. Unlike some judicial arenas, where the only wise head is the presiding judge and who declaims from an Olympian height of exclusive sagacity to an audience of dunces, the Olokooba court allows muscular, even vigorous mental jousting on legal issues and procedures between the bench and the bar. And, it is important to note that the honourable judge does not always win.
So it is safe to state that the Justice Olookoba court is a bar-friendly court. Occasionally however, the Judex sometime has cause to reprimand lawyers for one indiscretion or the other.
Last Tuesday, 6th October was one of such few days of reprimand. I hardly spent five minutes watching proceeding before I knew that a particular lawyer, had it coming to him.
The counsel’s statements and tone, and methinks, general countenance and comportment appeared to suggest a certain risible but subdued arrogance or an evasive insouciance.
The hearing in the matter at hard was almost over, when the counsel finally got the court’s goat. What happened was this the opposing counsel had suggested a date, to which suggestion, the counsel in question, retorted “but I have asked for a short date”.
The honourable Justice response went thus:-
“Oh so because you have asked for a short(er) date, you must get that date? Lawyers should refrain from conducting themselves or acting in a way that would belittle the courts; when a lawyer drags a judge down by telling his clients, “oh don’t mind the judge, he is this, he is that, he is only shooting himself in the leg. This is because when you lower the dignity of the judge, thinking that you are promoting yourself, you are actually lowering your own dignity.
It is like the case of the Hyena and the (hunter’s) dog. Any time the dog barks, the hyena would run away. Ordinarily the dog is food for the hyena, but the hyena runs because it believes that behind the dog is the hunter who can kill him.
But the dog keep asking him not to run away. He will say a lot of things about that the hunter is not even with him (the dog) or that the hunter does not always have his gun with him. Of course the dog is only harming himself, because the hunter is his protection.
If lawyers treat the court with courtesy and respect, who is that litigant that will misbehave to the court? When you see a lawyer bowing to the court or tip-toeing (so as not to make a noise with his shoes) there, the litigant cannot behave any how in court. But these days, you see lawyers, especially lady lawyers walking ka, ko, ka, ko in court.
In those days in my village, if you dare to cough one mile to the court house, even if you had tuberculosis, but things are changing now and it is not good.
Lawyers should know that they are the only professionals who are treated with so great respect by those who engage them. Yes you are the only professionals like that - people will pay you to do a job for them and they will still be prostrating for you. They are doing that because of their respect for the court, so you shouldn’t now rubbish the same court, because you’ll otherwise be shooting yourself in the foot.”
Happily the judge’s message was well received, as the lawyer in question immediately sober and repentant. Said he, “I apologise to the court and I am sorry if I had given the impression that I have no respect for the court. That is not the situation my lord. Indeed I hold the court in great esteem”
And, there, ladies and gentleman that was the end of the matter.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
'Sweet Father' By Adesina Ogunlana
Since my father would rather keep writing briefs and settling other people’s problems than working on his memoirs, I feel obliged to write same for him, albeit - instalmentally.
Date was 26th July 2009, time 7.45p.m when my humble self and a former Deputy gecko came to Baba’s house. The purpose of the visit was to work with the Titan to draft processes for filing Monday next against my endless pseudo prosecution in Abuja, before the L.P.D.C.
Work started in the earnest at 8.00pm, that, after a few minutes of intellectual sparring and skirmishes. Friends, it is always a joy to see a true professional, a master at work.
In a twinkle of an eye, or so it seemed, it was 11.30pm and yet only gone less than a quarter of the way. Clearly it was going to be a long night.
Having established a firm reputation at home as a mid-night lawyer, hardly expected to turn up at the home stead before the flying hours of active witches, I had no qualms at all about the passage of time.
But not my companion - he soon received a call from a badly worried wife, fairly newly married at that.
We re-assured Mrs. Adedeji, that was well and to expect her certified lover in the morning, safe and sound. The work continued. While we three barristers, Daddy 3, Adedeji and my humble self arranged our self round Daddy 3’s multi function dinning table, in the crafting out of legal missiles of all sizes, shapes and functions, D3’s secretary, an old war-horse in her own right, a veteran of many pre-court armaments, was settled behind her lap-top, feeding our words and thoughts expertly and coolly into the machine.
Just a few seconds later, it was 1.00 O’clock in the morning. Then somebody asked for a drink and Daddy3 response was to summon the staff of the Quarter-Master General office of the great house to duty. Before the next hour sped away, hot bowls of rice and meat (huge chunks) saturated stew, the type smart Eves employ in the delicate seduction of reluctant Adams, soon appeared before us. What wonderful repast to behold.
It was a sight to excite or ignite unusual creativity in the drafting of court processes. After taking a short break to do justice to the challenge placed before us, the work continued.
Suddenly when it was 3.30a.m in the morning of the 27th July when flying witches were already thinking or returning to base, Daddy 3 suddenly asked in a loud voice, 'Would you gentlemen care for a bottle of wine?' Since our answer carried a y-chromosome, Daddy 3 just strolled upstairs and produced some bottles of wonderful vines! It was just about then that I remember that the day was my birthday, the 45th.
The work continued, while the wine diminished. At about 4.15a.m, feeling the on set of tiredness, I made for the bath-room, an enclosure so neat and comfy that after a few seconds on the seat there, I drifted into slumber. Some twenty minutes later, the door knob turned and Daddy 3 in that his mellifluous and cultivated voice spake thus so gently “Oh here you were? We were wondering there where you could have been?”
It was a come-back-to-work summons. I promptly scrambled out and continued with the task at hand.
But I knew that I badly needed rest, yet here right in front of me was a 78 year-old baba still going on, apparently very strong!
I struggled on but when it was 5.30a.m, I told myself “Sina you can’t afford to die because of this case, even though it is your personal matter and all other people are your supporters. Boy, you just have to sleep.”
After discussing with my ‘Ori’ thus, I sought no counsel with any other person, not with even Daddy 3. I just stood up, marched towards the nearest sofa, and fell on it.
Within a minute, I was catapulted into slumber land. But not before noticing Daddy 3 going upstairs and coming down with a cover cloth, which he draped over me, surely with an unexpressed expression of “oh poor little boy.”
At that time, Taiwo knocked down a bottle of wine, making Daddy remark airily. “When sina wakes up, tell him we broke one for him” before getting down promptly to more work!
It was when I woke up at 6.35a.m that I saw too that the great man himself had succumbed to sleep. But it was not my own type of ‘full body’ rest. Daddy 3 slept like a Spartan-slightly reclined on a hard chair, with his chin in his left hand-obviously cogitating even in his sleep!
And it was not for long. He woke up at 7.45a.m, went upstairs to freshen up and twenty minutes was back to duty. That duty did not end till 11.50a.m!
By which time the old man was looking as if he had spent all night in his bed. Of course I must thank Mummy 3 too and my newly discovered sister - for their moral support and supply of refreshing provisions.
N.B Again I beg of you all, whenever you see my Daddy, always ask him this question - Chief when will you write your memoirs?
[My Daddy 2's blog is at: http://myakokaverandah.blogspot.com ]
Date was 26th July 2009, time 7.45p.m when my humble self and a former Deputy gecko came to Baba’s house. The purpose of the visit was to work with the Titan to draft processes for filing Monday next against my endless pseudo prosecution in Abuja, before the L.P.D.C.
Work started in the earnest at 8.00pm, that, after a few minutes of intellectual sparring and skirmishes. Friends, it is always a joy to see a true professional, a master at work.
In a twinkle of an eye, or so it seemed, it was 11.30pm and yet only gone less than a quarter of the way. Clearly it was going to be a long night.
Having established a firm reputation at home as a mid-night lawyer, hardly expected to turn up at the home stead before the flying hours of active witches, I had no qualms at all about the passage of time.
But not my companion - he soon received a call from a badly worried wife, fairly newly married at that.
We re-assured Mrs. Adedeji, that was well and to expect her certified lover in the morning, safe and sound. The work continued. While we three barristers, Daddy 3, Adedeji and my humble self arranged our self round Daddy 3’s multi function dinning table, in the crafting out of legal missiles of all sizes, shapes and functions, D3’s secretary, an old war-horse in her own right, a veteran of many pre-court armaments, was settled behind her lap-top, feeding our words and thoughts expertly and coolly into the machine.
Just a few seconds later, it was 1.00 O’clock in the morning. Then somebody asked for a drink and Daddy3 response was to summon the staff of the Quarter-Master General office of the great house to duty. Before the next hour sped away, hot bowls of rice and meat (huge chunks) saturated stew, the type smart Eves employ in the delicate seduction of reluctant Adams, soon appeared before us. What wonderful repast to behold.
It was a sight to excite or ignite unusual creativity in the drafting of court processes. After taking a short break to do justice to the challenge placed before us, the work continued.
Suddenly when it was 3.30a.m in the morning of the 27th July when flying witches were already thinking or returning to base, Daddy 3 suddenly asked in a loud voice, 'Would you gentlemen care for a bottle of wine?' Since our answer carried a y-chromosome, Daddy 3 just strolled upstairs and produced some bottles of wonderful vines! It was just about then that I remember that the day was my birthday, the 45th.
The work continued, while the wine diminished. At about 4.15a.m, feeling the on set of tiredness, I made for the bath-room, an enclosure so neat and comfy that after a few seconds on the seat there, I drifted into slumber. Some twenty minutes later, the door knob turned and Daddy 3 in that his mellifluous and cultivated voice spake thus so gently “Oh here you were? We were wondering there where you could have been?”
It was a come-back-to-work summons. I promptly scrambled out and continued with the task at hand.
But I knew that I badly needed rest, yet here right in front of me was a 78 year-old baba still going on, apparently very strong!
I struggled on but when it was 5.30a.m, I told myself “Sina you can’t afford to die because of this case, even though it is your personal matter and all other people are your supporters. Boy, you just have to sleep.”
After discussing with my ‘Ori’ thus, I sought no counsel with any other person, not with even Daddy 3. I just stood up, marched towards the nearest sofa, and fell on it.
Within a minute, I was catapulted into slumber land. But not before noticing Daddy 3 going upstairs and coming down with a cover cloth, which he draped over me, surely with an unexpressed expression of “oh poor little boy.”
At that time, Taiwo knocked down a bottle of wine, making Daddy remark airily. “When sina wakes up, tell him we broke one for him” before getting down promptly to more work!
It was when I woke up at 6.35a.m that I saw too that the great man himself had succumbed to sleep. But it was not my own type of ‘full body’ rest. Daddy 3 slept like a Spartan-slightly reclined on a hard chair, with his chin in his left hand-obviously cogitating even in his sleep!
And it was not for long. He woke up at 7.45a.m, went upstairs to freshen up and twenty minutes was back to duty. That duty did not end till 11.50a.m!
By which time the old man was looking as if he had spent all night in his bed. Of course I must thank Mummy 3 too and my newly discovered sister - for their moral support and supply of refreshing provisions.
N.B Again I beg of you all, whenever you see my Daddy, always ask him this question - Chief when will you write your memoirs?
[My Daddy 2's blog is at: http://myakokaverandah.blogspot.com ]
'Time Is, But Time Will Be No More' By Adesina Ogunlana
HON.JUSTICE INUMIDUN AKANDE
THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUDGE
LAGOS STATE
Dear Sir,
On September 8 2009, your lordship fully and officially occupied the captaincy of the Lagos State Judiciary. It was a colourful and happy occasion, when Mr. Eko Oni Baje, better known as Babatunde Raji Fashola, S.A.N, the 13th Governor of Lagos State completed the process of your appointment and elevation as the 13th Chief Judge of Lagos State by swearing you in to the great office.
Of course...
THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUDGE
LAGOS STATE
Dear Sir,
On September 8 2009, your lordship fully and officially occupied the captaincy of the Lagos State Judiciary. It was a colourful and happy occasion, when Mr. Eko Oni Baje, better known as Babatunde Raji Fashola, S.A.N, the 13th Governor of Lagos State completed the process of your appointment and elevation as the 13th Chief Judge of Lagos State by swearing you in to the great office.
Of course...
Monday, September 14, 2009
"Saturday?' By Adesina Ogunlana
My Dear Squib,
I must confess straight away that I am not too happy presently. Since the Governor signed into law the new Magistrates Court Law, I have been having this nagging head-ache.
Of course being a magistrate, the new law affects me. I can see that a lot of legal practitioners, especially the “Na-inside-court-room-I-go-die types are very happy and excitied about the law and have described it many superlatives-: “revolutionary”, “pace-setting”, “progressive: etc.
But as far as I can see, that law has its dark-sides, it is certainly not all roses and rubies.
Take for example that clause that stipulates that magistrates have to work on Saturdays. Lets face it, that is pure and full-blown calamity.
Judicial work on Saturdays?
Every reasonable person knows a week has only three phases.
The 1st is the Work-phase. This is where you find Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. These are the days and hours of sweat, grunts and labour. The period where the greatest human virtue is “INDUSTRY” and where the scriptures of “He who does not work, should not eat” applies without reservation.
The 3rd phase is the day of Worship and Rest. That day is called Sunday. Some ignorant people say Sunday is the day of the Sun. But that cannot be true- for the Sun shines everyday.
Sunday, I tell you is the day of worship, even for those who do not have a regular God, like Jehovah, Allah, Orunmila or Osanobua. There are irregular deities like “Nature Worship, Soul-searching (behind closed doors) Environmental Sanitation including nail paring, hair-cuts and dos etc.
You must have noticed that I skipped over the 2nd phase It is on account of its greatness. The only day in this phase is Saturday. This is the happiest, liveliest day of the week. It is the day that cancels out all the pressures and stresses of the-1st phase where all people are involved in the kirakita athletics of the rat-race.
Oh glorious Saturdays, how worthy you are. You are the hub of the week and the very pillar of the world. The Society rotates on your pivot, for it is on your day that we all circulate most freely amongst our-selves.
It is on Saturdays that, we neither work nor worship. And as for rest-only the dead and the caged do that on Saturdays.
Saturdays is the day we all un-wind and obey the maxim. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Saturday is the day of celebration and circulation, of renewing the bonds of friendship and family by numerous social interactions. Saturday is the day of feasting, of wining, of dancing, of show-offing (clothes, shoes, titles etc)
Saturday in short, is the day of socials. And what is man, without socials?
Yet it is this very special day, the blest day, where man is truly in his elements, that the Governor of Lagos State and the Legislature of the State-have decreed that magistrates shall no part in its joy and “jollification”. Rather they have turned it to, for magistrates” an additional day of labour and pain.
Please Mr. Squib, do something for us in this matter. Although it is true that I hardly read your magazine and have dismissed it in many informal gatherings as a “useless paper”, it is only to you I can turn to in this dark hour for help and possible salvation.
I trust you are prescient enough to see this new magistracy law, especially the work-on-Saturday prescription as a conspiracy of the Executive and the Legislature in Lagos State against the third arm of government, the Judiciary.
Squib, please do something. Otherwise all my fine geles and other apparati of Owambe presence and essence will rot away un-used.
In fact the government is very insensitive indeed on this matter. How can any normal person be expected to discharge such a big responsibility like Adjudication competently on a day when his friends, relatives, neighbours etc are always out there, catching fun at weddings, coronations, graduation parties, funeral outings, house-warming parties, sporting events etc?
Editor, I rest my case. Please take it over from there.
Yours faithfully
Chief Magistrate Ogewunmi Igbaladun
I must confess straight away that I am not too happy presently. Since the Governor signed into law the new Magistrates Court Law, I have been having this nagging head-ache.
Of course being a magistrate, the new law affects me. I can see that a lot of legal practitioners, especially the “Na-inside-court-room-I-go-die types are very happy and excitied about the law and have described it many superlatives-: “revolutionary”, “pace-setting”, “progressive: etc.
But as far as I can see, that law has its dark-sides, it is certainly not all roses and rubies.
Take for example that clause that stipulates that magistrates have to work on Saturdays. Lets face it, that is pure and full-blown calamity.
Judicial work on Saturdays?
Every reasonable person knows a week has only three phases.
The 1st is the Work-phase. This is where you find Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. These are the days and hours of sweat, grunts and labour. The period where the greatest human virtue is “INDUSTRY” and where the scriptures of “He who does not work, should not eat” applies without reservation.
The 3rd phase is the day of Worship and Rest. That day is called Sunday. Some ignorant people say Sunday is the day of the Sun. But that cannot be true- for the Sun shines everyday.
Sunday, I tell you is the day of worship, even for those who do not have a regular God, like Jehovah, Allah, Orunmila or Osanobua. There are irregular deities like “Nature Worship, Soul-searching (behind closed doors) Environmental Sanitation including nail paring, hair-cuts and dos etc.
You must have noticed that I skipped over the 2nd phase It is on account of its greatness. The only day in this phase is Saturday. This is the happiest, liveliest day of the week. It is the day that cancels out all the pressures and stresses of the-1st phase where all people are involved in the kirakita athletics of the rat-race.
Oh glorious Saturdays, how worthy you are. You are the hub of the week and the very pillar of the world. The Society rotates on your pivot, for it is on your day that we all circulate most freely amongst our-selves.
It is on Saturdays that, we neither work nor worship. And as for rest-only the dead and the caged do that on Saturdays.
Saturdays is the day we all un-wind and obey the maxim. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Saturday is the day of celebration and circulation, of renewing the bonds of friendship and family by numerous social interactions. Saturday is the day of feasting, of wining, of dancing, of show-offing (clothes, shoes, titles etc)
Saturday in short, is the day of socials. And what is man, without socials?
Yet it is this very special day, the blest day, where man is truly in his elements, that the Governor of Lagos State and the Legislature of the State-have decreed that magistrates shall no part in its joy and “jollification”. Rather they have turned it to, for magistrates” an additional day of labour and pain.
Please Mr. Squib, do something for us in this matter. Although it is true that I hardly read your magazine and have dismissed it in many informal gatherings as a “useless paper”, it is only to you I can turn to in this dark hour for help and possible salvation.
I trust you are prescient enough to see this new magistracy law, especially the work-on-Saturday prescription as a conspiracy of the Executive and the Legislature in Lagos State against the third arm of government, the Judiciary.
Squib, please do something. Otherwise all my fine geles and other apparati of Owambe presence and essence will rot away un-used.
In fact the government is very insensitive indeed on this matter. How can any normal person be expected to discharge such a big responsibility like Adjudication competently on a day when his friends, relatives, neighbours etc are always out there, catching fun at weddings, coronations, graduation parties, funeral outings, house-warming parties, sporting events etc?
Editor, I rest my case. Please take it over from there.
Yours faithfully
Chief Magistrate Ogewunmi Igbaladun
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
'The New Deal In Town' By Adesina Ogunlana
There’s a new, big deal in town. But guess what, only few people appreciate or recognize the opportunity the deal offers to make quick, easy bucks. And legitimately too. Yet the deal has been on for about five weeks now with the full support and patronage of the Federal Government. Of course the promoter of the deal, the said Federal Government has been quite loquacious about the business. Everywhere it goes the F.G talks about the deal. It saddens me, however that in the main, most lawyers are quite apathetic about the whole thing.
Yet the Federal government is dead serious about this project and is prepared to expend billions of naira on it. In this enterprise, the Federal Government is very liberal and open. It is not shutting the door against any one and to partner profitably with the government, you don’t need to have any university degrees or specialist training of any kind.
You only need to give your self a particular name and sobriquet of the Robin Hood hue, present some hardware to the Federal Government and there and then, you collect your cool millions in the multiples, after signing a document saying that “old things have passed away.”
I never knew lawyers, of all people will let such a golden opportunity of making hay pass them, without seizing it with both hands and even legs “sef”
Instead of collaborating quickly and effectively too with the government on the matter, many lawyers are busy earning pea-nuts, moving one ‘toro-kobo’ motion or the other, sometimes before intellectually dumb and deaf judges or drawing up one miserly agreement or the other. I understand that in Lagos State now, some lawyers and magistrates are fighting tooth and nail to be appointed Judges instead of hooking up on the new deal presented by the government. How sad! The situation is like ignoring a box of gold to brawl over a sack of charcoal!
Depressing, quite depressing I tell you. The way I see it, lawyers need to get educated afresh, especially in money matters. Fortunately there are so many good books on this vital subject of money making and how to make it yafu-yafuly.
My consolation on this matter is the positive response of the leadership of the Tiger Bar (the NBA Ikeja Bar) to the Federal Government offer.
If you had noticed, you would have seen the Chairman of the Tiger Bar, the incumbent Elekun of Ekun land, Bibiowa Dave Ajetomobi Esq going about these days with a particular hat, popularly known as Niger Delta perched on his head. The said hat makes Dave Ajetomobi, an Ijesha man, diluted matrimonially by an Igbo lady, looks every inch a militant chieftain – the very class of people the Federal Government anxiously wants to do business with, by name Amnesty. I was further encouraged to hear Ajetomobi’s deputy, Dare Akande Esq, the Otun Elekun making solid plans with a local smith and hunter for a quick supply of about a hundred pieces of dame guns, a hundred pieces of Ashanti machetes and a hundred pieces of hand-held wood and rubber missile propeller (catapults).
I was privileged to also know that somewhere in Ondo State, specifically somewhere in the heart of Barrister Niyi Akinmola’s ancestral riverine hamlet, the Tiger Bar leadership has made out a freedom fighters’ camp, named “Camp David” in honour of the leader of the branch.
Since Camp David has been established and the Tiger Bar leadership is expecting delivery of the aforesaid impressive materiel, the only outstanding need to qualify now for business with the F.G is to have a corps of militia to inhabit Camp David for just a week or so before they disarm.
This difficulty is being looked into urgently and creatively. The Tiger Bar leaders, for your information have saddled the branch’s Welfare officer with the task of sourcing enough militants within the legal community within a week.
The said Welfare Officer who is well known to this writer has been appointed the General Recruitment Orientation Officer of Camp David (GROO). According to the GROO, when speaking to the Press, in his GECKOVILLE headquarters in the Katunga Wilderness, somewhere between Ogbomosho and Ilorin, he was in no doubt that he will succeed at his task. According to the GROO, the following set of legal practitioners would be given preference in the recruitment drive
(a) “Abe-Igi” lawyers
(b) Aluta lawyers
(c) New, disgruntled, unemployed and unemployable wigs
(d) Dismissed magistrates
Nonetheless any other interested gentlemen of the bar can apply. And you know in the profession, gentlemen, mean gentle men, and ahem, women! So come one, come all-oh yea emergency militants!
Yet the Federal government is dead serious about this project and is prepared to expend billions of naira on it. In this enterprise, the Federal Government is very liberal and open. It is not shutting the door against any one and to partner profitably with the government, you don’t need to have any university degrees or specialist training of any kind.
You only need to give your self a particular name and sobriquet of the Robin Hood hue, present some hardware to the Federal Government and there and then, you collect your cool millions in the multiples, after signing a document saying that “old things have passed away.”
I never knew lawyers, of all people will let such a golden opportunity of making hay pass them, without seizing it with both hands and even legs “sef”
Instead of collaborating quickly and effectively too with the government on the matter, many lawyers are busy earning pea-nuts, moving one ‘toro-kobo’ motion or the other, sometimes before intellectually dumb and deaf judges or drawing up one miserly agreement or the other. I understand that in Lagos State now, some lawyers and magistrates are fighting tooth and nail to be appointed Judges instead of hooking up on the new deal presented by the government. How sad! The situation is like ignoring a box of gold to brawl over a sack of charcoal!
Depressing, quite depressing I tell you. The way I see it, lawyers need to get educated afresh, especially in money matters. Fortunately there are so many good books on this vital subject of money making and how to make it yafu-yafuly.
My consolation on this matter is the positive response of the leadership of the Tiger Bar (the NBA Ikeja Bar) to the Federal Government offer.
If you had noticed, you would have seen the Chairman of the Tiger Bar, the incumbent Elekun of Ekun land, Bibiowa Dave Ajetomobi Esq going about these days with a particular hat, popularly known as Niger Delta perched on his head. The said hat makes Dave Ajetomobi, an Ijesha man, diluted matrimonially by an Igbo lady, looks every inch a militant chieftain – the very class of people the Federal Government anxiously wants to do business with, by name Amnesty. I was further encouraged to hear Ajetomobi’s deputy, Dare Akande Esq, the Otun Elekun making solid plans with a local smith and hunter for a quick supply of about a hundred pieces of dame guns, a hundred pieces of Ashanti machetes and a hundred pieces of hand-held wood and rubber missile propeller (catapults).
I was privileged to also know that somewhere in Ondo State, specifically somewhere in the heart of Barrister Niyi Akinmola’s ancestral riverine hamlet, the Tiger Bar leadership has made out a freedom fighters’ camp, named “Camp David” in honour of the leader of the branch.
Since Camp David has been established and the Tiger Bar leadership is expecting delivery of the aforesaid impressive materiel, the only outstanding need to qualify now for business with the F.G is to have a corps of militia to inhabit Camp David for just a week or so before they disarm.
This difficulty is being looked into urgently and creatively. The Tiger Bar leaders, for your information have saddled the branch’s Welfare officer with the task of sourcing enough militants within the legal community within a week.
The said Welfare Officer who is well known to this writer has been appointed the General Recruitment Orientation Officer of Camp David (GROO). According to the GROO, when speaking to the Press, in his GECKOVILLE headquarters in the Katunga Wilderness, somewhere between Ogbomosho and Ilorin, he was in no doubt that he will succeed at his task. According to the GROO, the following set of legal practitioners would be given preference in the recruitment drive
(a) “Abe-Igi” lawyers
(b) Aluta lawyers
(c) New, disgruntled, unemployed and unemployable wigs
(d) Dismissed magistrates
Nonetheless any other interested gentlemen of the bar can apply. And you know in the profession, gentlemen, mean gentle men, and ahem, women! So come one, come all-oh yea emergency militants!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
'The Partridge on the Ridge' By Adesina Ogunlana
Yoruba people have a proverb about partridges. It goes thus:-
Aparo kan o ga ju kan lo,
afi eyi o gori ebe.
(“No partridge is taller than any other except the one on top of a ridge”).
Of course, the proverb has nothing to do about partridges or their height. Like other African ethnicities, the Yoruba are only drawing metaphors and imageries from nature to drive home their points and teach crucial, social, moral lessons.
Well, for those of us who may not know much about partridges, except dstveed ones, the bird, I can tell you is a sprightly fellow with sweet hardy meat. When cooked in rich egusi soup and sent on a journey with morsels of pounded yam as companions, en-route the stomach, even an atheist may lapse into a doxology to exclaim “ha! The Lord is good!”
Though no trained orthinologists the Yoruba are right in saying that all partridges are pretty much the same, when on the plains. Full grown, they are about a third of the size of a local hen, brown feathered and quite alert.
The proverb is actually an admonition against succumbing to or imbibing the disease of the swollen-headed-: pride. A proud person clothes himself in swagger and floats on pomposity because he believes that he is better, much better, indeed fantastically superior to other people.
But what is the source of the pride? It could be physical attributes, social status or wealth.
These are all part of what the Yoruba call, the “ridge” which when perched upon, elevates the partridge. Of course, if the ridge is dismantled under the feet of the partridge or adverse conditions chase the partridge off the ridge-it becomes clear and immediately so, that there is nothing particularly spectacular about the once-upon-a-ridge-partridge.
In the legal profession, there are two types of advocates. Those who argue positions and those who decide positions. Of course I am talking about lawyers and judges. Of course a judge is a lawyer, perhaps, a re-branded one.
A lawyer may never become a judge, but a judge will always be a lawyer. When a lawyer is a judge, he, in his place of work, sits in the bar. The long and short of it is that both, judex and barrister, are lawyers. But you need to see (and hear) some judges in action.
The way the carry themselves, their very comportment and their use of language-in court clearly show that they believe that they are a part of the clan of Zeus on Mount Olympus-gods and goddesses.
These companions of Zeus-talk down on litigants and counsel alike. They are full of their own sense of self importance Rudeness is routine and haughtiness is their hat. They are self recognised fountains of knowledge and any counsel who does not share their perspectives is nothing but a “compound ass”. They preen and boast of their sagacity and their tongues are scimitars. What they call “being in firm control of my court” is actually nothing but counsel bullying and litigant flaying.
Unfortunately for everybody, judges like that, who regard lawyers appearing before them as asses, by their conduct, display to the public that, they are jack-asses.
How do you help such-Zeus companions? How? They are touchy, cantankerous and garrulous, perpetually striving to show that they are wiser than wisdom itself and sager than sagacity.
If it may help, somebody may want to remind-pompous judges of the following truisms:-
1. No one knows it all.
2. A different opinion is not necessarily a wrong opinion.
3. Everyman is entitled to his opinions, including fools.
4. Life is not black and white.
5. Nobody is infallible.
6. From the mouth of babes, wisdom may come out.
7. Nonsense may turn out to be Good sense, if it is given time to land properly.
8. We learn everyday.
9. It is a privilege to be a judge, not a right.
10. Aparo kan o ga ju kan lo, Afi eyi to gun ori ebe.
Aparo kan o ga ju kan lo,
afi eyi o gori ebe.
(“No partridge is taller than any other except the one on top of a ridge”).
Of course, the proverb has nothing to do about partridges or their height. Like other African ethnicities, the Yoruba are only drawing metaphors and imageries from nature to drive home their points and teach crucial, social, moral lessons.
Well, for those of us who may not know much about partridges, except dstveed ones, the bird, I can tell you is a sprightly fellow with sweet hardy meat. When cooked in rich egusi soup and sent on a journey with morsels of pounded yam as companions, en-route the stomach, even an atheist may lapse into a doxology to exclaim “ha! The Lord is good!”
Though no trained orthinologists the Yoruba are right in saying that all partridges are pretty much the same, when on the plains. Full grown, they are about a third of the size of a local hen, brown feathered and quite alert.
The proverb is actually an admonition against succumbing to or imbibing the disease of the swollen-headed-: pride. A proud person clothes himself in swagger and floats on pomposity because he believes that he is better, much better, indeed fantastically superior to other people.
But what is the source of the pride? It could be physical attributes, social status or wealth.
These are all part of what the Yoruba call, the “ridge” which when perched upon, elevates the partridge. Of course, if the ridge is dismantled under the feet of the partridge or adverse conditions chase the partridge off the ridge-it becomes clear and immediately so, that there is nothing particularly spectacular about the once-upon-a-ridge-partridge.
In the legal profession, there are two types of advocates. Those who argue positions and those who decide positions. Of course I am talking about lawyers and judges. Of course a judge is a lawyer, perhaps, a re-branded one.
A lawyer may never become a judge, but a judge will always be a lawyer. When a lawyer is a judge, he, in his place of work, sits in the bar. The long and short of it is that both, judex and barrister, are lawyers. But you need to see (and hear) some judges in action.
The way the carry themselves, their very comportment and their use of language-in court clearly show that they believe that they are a part of the clan of Zeus on Mount Olympus-gods and goddesses.
These companions of Zeus-talk down on litigants and counsel alike. They are full of their own sense of self importance Rudeness is routine and haughtiness is their hat. They are self recognised fountains of knowledge and any counsel who does not share their perspectives is nothing but a “compound ass”. They preen and boast of their sagacity and their tongues are scimitars. What they call “being in firm control of my court” is actually nothing but counsel bullying and litigant flaying.
Unfortunately for everybody, judges like that, who regard lawyers appearing before them as asses, by their conduct, display to the public that, they are jack-asses.
How do you help such-Zeus companions? How? They are touchy, cantankerous and garrulous, perpetually striving to show that they are wiser than wisdom itself and sager than sagacity.
If it may help, somebody may want to remind-pompous judges of the following truisms:-
1. No one knows it all.
2. A different opinion is not necessarily a wrong opinion.
3. Everyman is entitled to his opinions, including fools.
4. Life is not black and white.
5. Nobody is infallible.
6. From the mouth of babes, wisdom may come out.
7. Nonsense may turn out to be Good sense, if it is given time to land properly.
8. We learn everyday.
9. It is a privilege to be a judge, not a right.
10. Aparo kan o ga ju kan lo, Afi eyi to gun ori ebe.
Friday, August 21, 2009
'Mere Formality?' By Adesina Ogunlana
ACT 1 SCENE 1 JUDICIAL SERVICE COMMISSION (A.K.A JSC) (looking so officious and earnest:
The bar can we please have your opinions about these people we want to appoint as judges? Here is the shortlist of them.
BAR: (feeling so important and elated while receiving the shortlist) “Oh sure, sure; with all pleasure.
ACT 1 SCENE 2
BAR: (still feeling very important and elated and handing over a fat envelope of documents to the JSCchairman)
“Your lordship, thank you for the opportunity you afforded us to assess candidates seeking appointment to the bench. We have carefully scrutinized them and their records and have put our findings and comments in writing. They are all in the envelope. We hope your commission will find it useful in their work.
JSC: Oh sure. We appreciate your efforts and can assure that not only shall we read everything here but also give your comments close attention.
Once again thank you.
ACT 1 SCENE 3
JSC: (all alone, the Bar having since left). The chairman opens the envelope and starts reading the comments of the bar. After two minutes, hisses and shouts: “Office Boy! Office Boy!”
OFFICE BOY: (Appearing very quickly) “Yes sir! Here am I sir!”
JSC: (handing over documents to the office boy) Please go and throw all these papers into the dustbin.
OFFICE BOY: Dustbin? Sir I thought the Bar just gave you these papers.
JSC: (standing up in anger and shouting) Shut up your mouth and do as you are told. Nonsense! What’s your business with it? Who needs your comment?
OFFICE BOY: As the court pleases!
The bar can we please have your opinions about these people we want to appoint as judges? Here is the shortlist of them.
BAR: (feeling so important and elated while receiving the shortlist) “Oh sure, sure; with all pleasure.
ACT 1 SCENE 2
BAR: (still feeling very important and elated and handing over a fat envelope of documents to the JSCchairman)
“Your lordship, thank you for the opportunity you afforded us to assess candidates seeking appointment to the bench. We have carefully scrutinized them and their records and have put our findings and comments in writing. They are all in the envelope. We hope your commission will find it useful in their work.
JSC: Oh sure. We appreciate your efforts and can assure that not only shall we read everything here but also give your comments close attention.
Once again thank you.
ACT 1 SCENE 3
JSC: (all alone, the Bar having since left). The chairman opens the envelope and starts reading the comments of the bar. After two minutes, hisses and shouts: “Office Boy! Office Boy!”
OFFICE BOY: (Appearing very quickly) “Yes sir! Here am I sir!”
JSC: (handing over documents to the office boy) Please go and throw all these papers into the dustbin.
OFFICE BOY: Dustbin? Sir I thought the Bar just gave you these papers.
JSC: (standing up in anger and shouting) Shut up your mouth and do as you are told. Nonsense! What’s your business with it? Who needs your comment?
OFFICE BOY: As the court pleases!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
"The Dele Oye Magic' By Adesina Ogunlana
I first heard the story I am about to tell you about twenty years ago. You too probably have heard it – but let me say it all the same. In case.
At a Lagos bus-stop, a pick-pocket had snatched a woman’s hand bag containing a few coins and the usual articles of facial peacockery of the front-loaded variant of humanity to wit lip-stick, powder, eye-liner etc.
It was a successful but perilous snatch. For the victim noticed and boldly raised an alarm. Trust Lagosians. A pursuit team was immediately raised by silent and urgent consensus among the bystanders and passers-by there. The thief was in trouble and he knew it. After sprinting a few yards, he threw the bag down. But his pursuers were not impressed by that, they simply continued with their mandate. Before long they caught up with Mr. “Hot Finger.”
In the midst of the cascades of slap, kicks and blows, Hot Finger was the perfect picture of penitence and remorse. Begging, pleading and remonstrating with those “nemesising” him.
Then at one point, one of the mob, procured a used car tyre and a roar of approval rose from the crowd. Everybody knew that neck-lacing, (the street jurisprudence of roasting by fire a lynch-victim to death) the ultimate street sentence in Lagos was about to take place. However to every-body’s surprise, the now badly battered thief stopped crying and begging for mercy. He managed to rise to his feet and looking death boldly in the face asked in a loud piercing voice:
“Ha, eberu Olorun o
Ki no mo gbe, kileju?
Sentori poosi 50k
Lefi gbe taya wa?
“You people should fear God
What did I steal that warrants roasting me to death?
Because of a fifty kobo purse you brought out a tyre? (to roast me?)
The thief’s questions were an unbeatable summary of all the teachings and precepts on Justice. Since the crowd had no answer to this question, it dispersed quietly, not unlike the Biblical mob that caught a woman in the very act of adultery. I remembered this story whilst ruminating over my own case – Chief Judge of Lagos State Vs Adesina Ogunlana. Every ardent squibber knows about my case before the Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee and that I appeared before the committee on the 26th May 2009. A lot of things happened there that day but I want to talk only of what I call the “DELE OYE MAGIC”.
You see Mr. Dele Oye, a most amiable and successful barrister is the prosecutor in my case. Naturally he signed the complaint (charge) against me. That complaint is dated the 25th May 2009 and has three counts. But there is something curious about that first count. Before I go on, may I present you the count in question.
Complaint
1. That you Adesina Ogunlana as a legal practitioner in your capacity as Editor-In-Chief of a Magazine The Squib published in various editions of the magazine dated 18th September, 2001, 17th October; 2001; 21st June, 2004; 5th July, 2004, 21st March, 2005; 15th May, 2006; 24th May, 2006; 15th June, 2006; 6th October, 2006; 29th January, 2007 and 21st May, 2007; articles and/or write ups that contain defamatory words and innuendoes against Judges of the Lagos State Judiciary in the Squib Magazine, that by that publication, you attacked the dignity and reputation of Judges of Lagos State, thereby putting the Judges and the Court into public disrepute, public odium and by the above conduct, you are guilty of professional misconduct, all contrary to Rules 1, 30 31(i), 36 (b) & (e) and liable to punishment under Rules 55(1) under the Rules of Professional Conduct in the Legal Profession and Section 12 of the Legal Practitioners Act as amended.
Of course this is a most curious count. Remember that this complaint emerged after the Chief Bandele Aiku Disciplinary Committee of the NBA in May 2003 recommenced my trial before the Body of Benchers Disciplinary Committee.
The Aiku Committee made their recommendation after an “ex-parte” consideration and treatment of the petition of one Mrs. Justice Ibitola Adebisi Sotuminu, a former Chief Judge of Lagos State against me.
The Sotuminu petition was dated 2nd January 2003. Are you getting the picture, more clearly now? As night follows the day, then the Complaint filed by Prosecutor Dele Oye must follow the charge (another matter entirely) brought to his table, against me. The question you may help ask Prosecutor Dele Oye is simple and is this:- Did Sotuminu’s petition of 2 January 2003 refer in any way or pertain to, or connect with any allegedly defamatory articles I wrote in the Squib of 21st June 2004, 5th July 2004, 21st March 2005, 15th May 2006, 24th May 2006, 15th June 2006, 6th October 2006, 29th January 2007 and 21st May 2007.
Haba, you people should fear God! I must confess at this point even my delicate wife, Ibi, I mean Ibi the genuine article, upon sighting the count in question expressed her disappointment at why the accusation stopped at merely 2007. According to my lady, “they ought to include 2008, 2009 and in fact go right up to 2020, since you are sure to still be writing “defamatory articles” then.
What is Prosecutor Dele Oye trying to turn the Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee to? A kangaroo court, where all manners of shenanigans, hanky-panky jiggery-pokery, hocus-pocus and namby-pamby are tolerated, practiced and entertained? Is it not reasonable to wonder at this point whether this curious count is not a real indicator and a Freudian Ship that Prosecutor Dele Oye is part of a plot to see me off the legal profession at all cost and by all means foul?
For where and when did anybody write petitions against me for making the unknown and unstated defamatory publications was in the Squib in years 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007? Where and when also have I been called upon by the NBA to give a response to any such petitions? And where and when did the NBA recommend me for trial before Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee for trial in respect of the said articles?
If the answers to these questions are in the negative and they must be, then clearly count 1 is a special contrivance of Prosecutor Dele Oye.
Yet I am in no competition with this man. I am not in interested for example in becoming a silk and both of us are not salivating over any salacious lass or mustering over a common mammon.
So why this?
I guess I have not been lucky with men called Dele in this ease. The NBA official who forgot to append his signature to the NBA letter introducing Sotuminu’s petition to me is called Dele Adesina. He is a Yoruba man. Later he became a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. The elder who headed the NBA Disciplinary Committee who determined the Sotuminu petition against me without bothering too much to hear from me and inform me of their sitting etc is called BanDELE Aiku. He is a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. He is also a Yoruba. The gentleman who is prosecuting me before the LPDC is another Dele – Dele Oye. He is not yet a S.A.N but may God make him one and very soon too. He too is a Yoruba, or at least Yorubaish.
I have checked through the names of the adjudicators in this case and lo and behold, the mercy of God – there is no Dele among them.
Let no one’s heart fail, on my account in this case. I will win it and my enemies will be put to shame.
Where is the initiator of all this action, today? Where is the inheritor? And where will he be soon?
Do you ask me of my audacity? It is in God. When a man boasts in God and says every time in his magazine that-“The Heavens Will Not Fall”, be sure that Heaven will not fail him. No matter what.
By the way Ogostus is slowly fading away. If ever there is any open send-off for the worthy, you can be sure that I and all geckos will be there.
“Apa omode won o ka gi ose”
Please tell them.
“Won kere si number wa, ke”
Please tell them again!
At a Lagos bus-stop, a pick-pocket had snatched a woman’s hand bag containing a few coins and the usual articles of facial peacockery of the front-loaded variant of humanity to wit lip-stick, powder, eye-liner etc.
It was a successful but perilous snatch. For the victim noticed and boldly raised an alarm. Trust Lagosians. A pursuit team was immediately raised by silent and urgent consensus among the bystanders and passers-by there. The thief was in trouble and he knew it. After sprinting a few yards, he threw the bag down. But his pursuers were not impressed by that, they simply continued with their mandate. Before long they caught up with Mr. “Hot Finger.”
In the midst of the cascades of slap, kicks and blows, Hot Finger was the perfect picture of penitence and remorse. Begging, pleading and remonstrating with those “nemesising” him.
Then at one point, one of the mob, procured a used car tyre and a roar of approval rose from the crowd. Everybody knew that neck-lacing, (the street jurisprudence of roasting by fire a lynch-victim to death) the ultimate street sentence in Lagos was about to take place. However to every-body’s surprise, the now badly battered thief stopped crying and begging for mercy. He managed to rise to his feet and looking death boldly in the face asked in a loud piercing voice:
“Ha, eberu Olorun o
Ki no mo gbe, kileju?
Sentori poosi 50k
Lefi gbe taya wa?
“You people should fear God
What did I steal that warrants roasting me to death?
Because of a fifty kobo purse you brought out a tyre? (to roast me?)
The thief’s questions were an unbeatable summary of all the teachings and precepts on Justice. Since the crowd had no answer to this question, it dispersed quietly, not unlike the Biblical mob that caught a woman in the very act of adultery. I remembered this story whilst ruminating over my own case – Chief Judge of Lagos State Vs Adesina Ogunlana. Every ardent squibber knows about my case before the Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee and that I appeared before the committee on the 26th May 2009. A lot of things happened there that day but I want to talk only of what I call the “DELE OYE MAGIC”.
You see Mr. Dele Oye, a most amiable and successful barrister is the prosecutor in my case. Naturally he signed the complaint (charge) against me. That complaint is dated the 25th May 2009 and has three counts. But there is something curious about that first count. Before I go on, may I present you the count in question.
Complaint
1. That you Adesina Ogunlana as a legal practitioner in your capacity as Editor-In-Chief of a Magazine The Squib published in various editions of the magazine dated 18th September, 2001, 17th October; 2001; 21st June, 2004; 5th July, 2004, 21st March, 2005; 15th May, 2006; 24th May, 2006; 15th June, 2006; 6th October, 2006; 29th January, 2007 and 21st May, 2007; articles and/or write ups that contain defamatory words and innuendoes against Judges of the Lagos State Judiciary in the Squib Magazine, that by that publication, you attacked the dignity and reputation of Judges of Lagos State, thereby putting the Judges and the Court into public disrepute, public odium and by the above conduct, you are guilty of professional misconduct, all contrary to Rules 1, 30 31(i), 36 (b) & (e) and liable to punishment under Rules 55(1) under the Rules of Professional Conduct in the Legal Profession and Section 12 of the Legal Practitioners Act as amended.
Of course this is a most curious count. Remember that this complaint emerged after the Chief Bandele Aiku Disciplinary Committee of the NBA in May 2003 recommenced my trial before the Body of Benchers Disciplinary Committee.
The Aiku Committee made their recommendation after an “ex-parte” consideration and treatment of the petition of one Mrs. Justice Ibitola Adebisi Sotuminu, a former Chief Judge of Lagos State against me.
The Sotuminu petition was dated 2nd January 2003. Are you getting the picture, more clearly now? As night follows the day, then the Complaint filed by Prosecutor Dele Oye must follow the charge (another matter entirely) brought to his table, against me. The question you may help ask Prosecutor Dele Oye is simple and is this:- Did Sotuminu’s petition of 2 January 2003 refer in any way or pertain to, or connect with any allegedly defamatory articles I wrote in the Squib of 21st June 2004, 5th July 2004, 21st March 2005, 15th May 2006, 24th May 2006, 15th June 2006, 6th October 2006, 29th January 2007 and 21st May 2007.
Haba, you people should fear God! I must confess at this point even my delicate wife, Ibi, I mean Ibi the genuine article, upon sighting the count in question expressed her disappointment at why the accusation stopped at merely 2007. According to my lady, “they ought to include 2008, 2009 and in fact go right up to 2020, since you are sure to still be writing “defamatory articles” then.
What is Prosecutor Dele Oye trying to turn the Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee to? A kangaroo court, where all manners of shenanigans, hanky-panky jiggery-pokery, hocus-pocus and namby-pamby are tolerated, practiced and entertained? Is it not reasonable to wonder at this point whether this curious count is not a real indicator and a Freudian Ship that Prosecutor Dele Oye is part of a plot to see me off the legal profession at all cost and by all means foul?
For where and when did anybody write petitions against me for making the unknown and unstated defamatory publications was in the Squib in years 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007? Where and when also have I been called upon by the NBA to give a response to any such petitions? And where and when did the NBA recommend me for trial before Legal Practitioners Disciplinary Committee for trial in respect of the said articles?
If the answers to these questions are in the negative and they must be, then clearly count 1 is a special contrivance of Prosecutor Dele Oye.
Yet I am in no competition with this man. I am not in interested for example in becoming a silk and both of us are not salivating over any salacious lass or mustering over a common mammon.
So why this?
I guess I have not been lucky with men called Dele in this ease. The NBA official who forgot to append his signature to the NBA letter introducing Sotuminu’s petition to me is called Dele Adesina. He is a Yoruba man. Later he became a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. The elder who headed the NBA Disciplinary Committee who determined the Sotuminu petition against me without bothering too much to hear from me and inform me of their sitting etc is called BanDELE Aiku. He is a Senior Advocate of Nigeria. He is also a Yoruba. The gentleman who is prosecuting me before the LPDC is another Dele – Dele Oye. He is not yet a S.A.N but may God make him one and very soon too. He too is a Yoruba, or at least Yorubaish.
I have checked through the names of the adjudicators in this case and lo and behold, the mercy of God – there is no Dele among them.
Let no one’s heart fail, on my account in this case. I will win it and my enemies will be put to shame.
Where is the initiator of all this action, today? Where is the inheritor? And where will he be soon?
Do you ask me of my audacity? It is in God. When a man boasts in God and says every time in his magazine that-“The Heavens Will Not Fall”, be sure that Heaven will not fail him. No matter what.
By the way Ogostus is slowly fading away. If ever there is any open send-off for the worthy, you can be sure that I and all geckos will be there.
“Apa omode won o ka gi ose”
Please tell them.
“Won kere si number wa, ke”
Please tell them again!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
'Why Impunity Grows' By Adesina Ogunlana
I may be wrong but I think Nigeria must one of the best places to commit any manner of crime. And it is not just because it may be relatively easy to give the law a dirty and open slap on the face or to escape detection.
I've come to my conclusion because of the actual very low chances of a criminal getting punished and adequately so, in the rather unlikely event of apprehension.
This is what I mean. The mere fact that a criminal is apprehended, even with unassailable proof of his culpability does not mean that the wrath of the law will fall on him. Rather any or a combination of the following possibilities will take place.
1. Victims of the crime and any other complainant will be put under intense emotional pressure not to press charges against the malefactor.
2. Where a report is made, the police or any other investigating body will wittingly or unwittingly bungle the investigation.
3. Where the police arraigns the criminal suspect before a court of law, the suspect will compromise either the prosecution witnesses or the trial judex or both.
This first possibility accounts for the large percentage of unprosecuted, unchastisised and ultimately, un-reformed miscreants.
When the first possibility is at play, all manners of people including the long-departed ancestors of the criminal suspect are procured to plead with the victim not to intimate the relevant agencies of the state of the illegality of the criminal suspect.
And, the ‘bigger’ the status of the offender, the heavier the pressure on the unfortunate victim(s).
Friends, relatives, work-mates, former school mates, neighbours, townmates, faith-mates of the malefactor, all will descend on the hapless victim(s), begging, pleading, exhorting, counseling, importuning and praying the victim(s) not to take action against the, malefactor. From this diverse tribes of pleaders you will hear statements such as:
“The devil pushed him to it, please forgive him. It is the devil!”
“I can tell you he has learnt his lessons, he will never again do such a thing”
“To err is human, but to forgive is divine”
“What do you want to gain by sending this man to prison?”
“If you report him (to the police) he is sure to go to jail. Consider what will happen to his pregnant wife five kids and aged parents?
“If you hand him over to the police, it will appear like vengeance. But vengeance is of the Lord. Let him go and let the Lord deal with him”
“I am not saying you should not hand him to the police. But don’t forget that you are a Christian and as such must be merciful”.
“Why do I say you should not report him? Don’t you know people will ascribe his destruction and downfall to you. You shouldn’t be responsible for that kind of a thing”
“Remember he is a Yoruba man like you. Igbos and Hausas always protect their own, so why must we destroy our own man?
For most victims, the pressure works and a potential jail bird, goes scot-free or at the worst gets off with a mere slap on the wrist. Of course, as we all know, in such situations, lightening will strike again. And again. And again with the society getting worse and worse.
I've come to my conclusion because of the actual very low chances of a criminal getting punished and adequately so, in the rather unlikely event of apprehension.
This is what I mean. The mere fact that a criminal is apprehended, even with unassailable proof of his culpability does not mean that the wrath of the law will fall on him. Rather any or a combination of the following possibilities will take place.
1. Victims of the crime and any other complainant will be put under intense emotional pressure not to press charges against the malefactor.
2. Where a report is made, the police or any other investigating body will wittingly or unwittingly bungle the investigation.
3. Where the police arraigns the criminal suspect before a court of law, the suspect will compromise either the prosecution witnesses or the trial judex or both.
This first possibility accounts for the large percentage of unprosecuted, unchastisised and ultimately, un-reformed miscreants.
When the first possibility is at play, all manners of people including the long-departed ancestors of the criminal suspect are procured to plead with the victim not to intimate the relevant agencies of the state of the illegality of the criminal suspect.
And, the ‘bigger’ the status of the offender, the heavier the pressure on the unfortunate victim(s).
Friends, relatives, work-mates, former school mates, neighbours, townmates, faith-mates of the malefactor, all will descend on the hapless victim(s), begging, pleading, exhorting, counseling, importuning and praying the victim(s) not to take action against the, malefactor. From this diverse tribes of pleaders you will hear statements such as:
“The devil pushed him to it, please forgive him. It is the devil!”
“I can tell you he has learnt his lessons, he will never again do such a thing”
“To err is human, but to forgive is divine”
“What do you want to gain by sending this man to prison?”
“If you report him (to the police) he is sure to go to jail. Consider what will happen to his pregnant wife five kids and aged parents?
“If you hand him over to the police, it will appear like vengeance. But vengeance is of the Lord. Let him go and let the Lord deal with him”
“I am not saying you should not hand him to the police. But don’t forget that you are a Christian and as such must be merciful”.
“Why do I say you should not report him? Don’t you know people will ascribe his destruction and downfall to you. You shouldn’t be responsible for that kind of a thing”
“Remember he is a Yoruba man like you. Igbos and Hausas always protect their own, so why must we destroy our own man?
For most victims, the pressure works and a potential jail bird, goes scot-free or at the worst gets off with a mere slap on the wrist. Of course, as we all know, in such situations, lightening will strike again. And again. And again with the society getting worse and worse.
Monday, August 10, 2009
'Tea Without Sugar' By Adesina Ogunlana
The other day, a gentleman who claimed he had just returned from a Big Game “Safari Trip” to East Africa could be heard regaling listeners with stories of his adventure in Tanzania, Uganda and Kenya. How the fellow liked to tell those stories.
But no longer. The stories and the excitement dried up the day one of his already-bored-to-death listeners asked him- “On your trip, did you see any lions? The traveller said ‘no’. Then came another question - What of elephants and rhinoceroses? Again the answer was a “No”. Then another question – But surely you saw the buffaloes and the other big cats like leopards, cheetahs?” Once more, the answer was a “No”.
What’s the use of a big game Safari trip when it’s only rats and birds you saw?” quipped the questioner.
I think a similar questioned can be asked the Electoral Committee of the Nigerian Bar Association, Lagos branch.
On Friday 5th June 2009, the Obi Okwusogu (SAN) led Committee rolled out some “masu-mato” guidelines for the July 2009 elections of the branch.
The Okwusoguan Decree reads thus:
ATTENTION
HUSTINGS IN THIS ELECTION SHALL BE IN THE BEST TRADITION OF THE BAR.
* There shall be no posting of candidates posters anywhere.
* There shall be no smear campaigns against any candidates.
* There shall be no publications either in the print or electronic media by any candidates either by themselves or on their behalf by any person or persons.
* Candidates shall not distribute gifts of any kind or money to procure votes and voters are barred for accepting same.
* Any breach of the foregoing and/or any other dishonourable acts by candidates and their supporters shall lead to disqualification.
In my respectful view, the only reasonable ‘decree’ of the lot is no 4, but then every political animal knows that, that decree will only be observed in the breach.
What do you make of decree no 1? Is that order banning use of posters or the pasting of posters? There are many other ways of using posters without pasting same? And what is the Committee going to do about pasting posters on line?
But by Jove, what is wrong with posters? I guess it is an elections the guys are participating in? How would the electors put a face to the candidates, when their identities are under wraps?
Ordinance 2 forbids smear campaigns. But I ask what is a smear campaign? If a fellow contestant is a proven and established rapscallion or an “unrepentable” till taker, is it wrong to let the electors know the unsavory facts(s)?
Ordinance 3 places a ban on publications about candidates in the press. To me this is to say the least, wonderful! Elections without the press? That is election without public enlightenment. That is tea without sugar. Marriage without sex!
Ordinance 5 is the most pathetic of the orders. According to the ordinance pasting of posters and press publications are all part of what are ‘dishonourable’ in an election of a lawyers’ association.
If you ask me, this is ridiculous and even mischievous. Add, plain unrealistic.
What type of elections is this, where it is a sin, to engage the offices of the press? Is it an election for the dumb and the blind?
Interestingly, the Electoral Committee says the guidelines are to ensure that the elections are conducted in the best traditions of the bar. But which traditions and which bar? Are we talking of the Nigerian Bar Association of the 21st century, where for the past ten years, the number of lawyers produced by the nation are more than all the lawyers produced in the first one hundred years of legal practice in Nigeria?
Or are we talking of the bar, where ancients like Bankole Oki S.A.N, Tunji Gomez S.A.N were but toddlers then and all the number of lawyers in Lagos would not have filled up a BRT Bus?
When you stage a deaf and dumb elections where as it were pigs are bought in the poke, it is reasonable to expect the emergence of a lame and blind leadership.
Elections without campaigns, is, I say again like tea without sugar. NBA Lagos branch, please wake up!
But no longer. The stories and the excitement dried up the day one of his already-bored-to-death listeners asked him- “On your trip, did you see any lions? The traveller said ‘no’. Then came another question - What of elephants and rhinoceroses? Again the answer was a “No”. Then another question – But surely you saw the buffaloes and the other big cats like leopards, cheetahs?” Once more, the answer was a “No”.
What’s the use of a big game Safari trip when it’s only rats and birds you saw?” quipped the questioner.
I think a similar questioned can be asked the Electoral Committee of the Nigerian Bar Association, Lagos branch.
On Friday 5th June 2009, the Obi Okwusogu (SAN) led Committee rolled out some “masu-mato” guidelines for the July 2009 elections of the branch.
The Okwusoguan Decree reads thus:
ATTENTION
HUSTINGS IN THIS ELECTION SHALL BE IN THE BEST TRADITION OF THE BAR.
* There shall be no posting of candidates posters anywhere.
* There shall be no smear campaigns against any candidates.
* There shall be no publications either in the print or electronic media by any candidates either by themselves or on their behalf by any person or persons.
* Candidates shall not distribute gifts of any kind or money to procure votes and voters are barred for accepting same.
* Any breach of the foregoing and/or any other dishonourable acts by candidates and their supporters shall lead to disqualification.
In my respectful view, the only reasonable ‘decree’ of the lot is no 4, but then every political animal knows that, that decree will only be observed in the breach.
What do you make of decree no 1? Is that order banning use of posters or the pasting of posters? There are many other ways of using posters without pasting same? And what is the Committee going to do about pasting posters on line?
But by Jove, what is wrong with posters? I guess it is an elections the guys are participating in? How would the electors put a face to the candidates, when their identities are under wraps?
Ordinance 2 forbids smear campaigns. But I ask what is a smear campaign? If a fellow contestant is a proven and established rapscallion or an “unrepentable” till taker, is it wrong to let the electors know the unsavory facts(s)?
Ordinance 3 places a ban on publications about candidates in the press. To me this is to say the least, wonderful! Elections without the press? That is election without public enlightenment. That is tea without sugar. Marriage without sex!
Ordinance 5 is the most pathetic of the orders. According to the ordinance pasting of posters and press publications are all part of what are ‘dishonourable’ in an election of a lawyers’ association.
If you ask me, this is ridiculous and even mischievous. Add, plain unrealistic.
What type of elections is this, where it is a sin, to engage the offices of the press? Is it an election for the dumb and the blind?
Interestingly, the Electoral Committee says the guidelines are to ensure that the elections are conducted in the best traditions of the bar. But which traditions and which bar? Are we talking of the Nigerian Bar Association of the 21st century, where for the past ten years, the number of lawyers produced by the nation are more than all the lawyers produced in the first one hundred years of legal practice in Nigeria?
Or are we talking of the bar, where ancients like Bankole Oki S.A.N, Tunji Gomez S.A.N were but toddlers then and all the number of lawyers in Lagos would not have filled up a BRT Bus?
When you stage a deaf and dumb elections where as it were pigs are bought in the poke, it is reasonable to expect the emergence of a lame and blind leadership.
Elections without campaigns, is, I say again like tea without sugar. NBA Lagos branch, please wake up!
WILBERFORCE VS POLICE FORCE
W.A.E Meigbope is a magistrate. Magistrate of Lagos State. On Tuesday 19th May 2009, this magistrate became another proof of the saying “anything can happen in Nigeria”. Any thing.
On the fateful day, according to a newspaper report, the personal dignity of Meigbope and of the institution (Lagos State Magistracy) which he represents were brutally rubbished. Courtesy of a gang of police-men who took leave of their senses, in the discharge of what they perceived their duty.
According to the report, the police were determined to re-arrest some accused-persons whom the magistrate-had just released, when the police withdrew charges against them before the court.
Immediately out of the courtroom, the police pounced on discharges. Some of these people now ran back to the court room for the protection of the magistrate.
This move would not deter the policemen. According to a very reliable eye-witness, they forcefully lay hands on the men, as well as some lawyers whom the men had clung to in desperation, as it were for protection. The laying of hands was not done in the manner of the Apostles of old, I should quickly add. It was done in the manner of belligerent storm-troopers-involving free use of fist blows, slaps, kicks and gun butts.
Of course the encounter, fully brutish and un-british-could not be conducted in the quietude of gentility but in the cacophonous swell of-violence. The noise of the ensuing bedlam soon got into the ears of the magistrate, who rose from the bench to see things for himself. Mistake No 1. And, to intervene. Mistake No 2. Mistakes that nearly cost him his life as the power-demented-police-men gave him some-rather unjudicious blows to his face and body, dragged him on the ground, tore his shirt and threatened to blow his judicial brains out.
When Meigbope came out of his court room to see things for himself, he left with his-dignity, honour and the glory of his office intact. When he returned or rather when he was returned to his chambers, a few minutes later, it was sans dignity, honour and glory. He was in worse a situation than a man hit by a cyclone!
Meigbope took the steps he took, apparently in a fit of judicial patriotism and activism. But he forgot the saying that “When guns boom, the law is silent”. The encounter between Meigbope and his assaulters cannot but be otherwise-Nigeria still being a (half)-jungle where might is still right
What will be the end of this matter? I can swear on the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea that, nothing, absolutely nothing will happen. I doubt whether the upper echelon of authority of the Lagos State Judiciary will do anything much about the-incident, apart from scratching the ground like backyard hens. After all Meigbope is just a mere Magistrate, not even a chief Magistrate.
If he were a Judge now, one could reasonably expect some more positive and dedicated-reaction from his employers. In Lagos State judiciary, it would appear that judges are the only ones who really count in terms of solid welfare interests. They are the salt of the earth.
Before you accuse me of talking or writing squibish-nonsense (as usual) please consider the following facts.
In 2002, some police-men beat a judiciary staff to a coma right in the premises-of the Ikeja High Court. The staff’s name is Alhaji Olowoyo. Nothing happened to his assaulters, who claimed they came to the court to arrest touts in the premises. Some four years later, another detachment of police stormed the open registry of the same Ikeja High Court. They were looking for alleged crooked clerks suspected of “eating government money” in the registry.
However in the performance of their duties, they ended up roughing up all and sundry found in the registry at the material time, including legal practitioners and their clerks who were there to file papers. The union of workers quickly mobilized to protest the invasion. However before long the organizers of the protest, found themselves out of jobs.
So in the light of the above, I dare say nothing will happen to Meigbope’s assaulters. But mark my words-one of these days a judge will not only be beaten up, but stripped naked right in premises of the-court.
By the way, the first name of Meigbope is Wilber-force, while is assaulters belong to the Police-force Now when force meets force, the weaker one bends.
You get my drift?
On the fateful day, according to a newspaper report, the personal dignity of Meigbope and of the institution (Lagos State Magistracy) which he represents were brutally rubbished. Courtesy of a gang of police-men who took leave of their senses, in the discharge of what they perceived their duty.
According to the report, the police were determined to re-arrest some accused-persons whom the magistrate-had just released, when the police withdrew charges against them before the court.
Immediately out of the courtroom, the police pounced on discharges. Some of these people now ran back to the court room for the protection of the magistrate.
This move would not deter the policemen. According to a very reliable eye-witness, they forcefully lay hands on the men, as well as some lawyers whom the men had clung to in desperation, as it were for protection. The laying of hands was not done in the manner of the Apostles of old, I should quickly add. It was done in the manner of belligerent storm-troopers-involving free use of fist blows, slaps, kicks and gun butts.
Of course the encounter, fully brutish and un-british-could not be conducted in the quietude of gentility but in the cacophonous swell of-violence. The noise of the ensuing bedlam soon got into the ears of the magistrate, who rose from the bench to see things for himself. Mistake No 1. And, to intervene. Mistake No 2. Mistakes that nearly cost him his life as the power-demented-police-men gave him some-rather unjudicious blows to his face and body, dragged him on the ground, tore his shirt and threatened to blow his judicial brains out.
When Meigbope came out of his court room to see things for himself, he left with his-dignity, honour and the glory of his office intact. When he returned or rather when he was returned to his chambers, a few minutes later, it was sans dignity, honour and glory. He was in worse a situation than a man hit by a cyclone!
Meigbope took the steps he took, apparently in a fit of judicial patriotism and activism. But he forgot the saying that “When guns boom, the law is silent”. The encounter between Meigbope and his assaulters cannot but be otherwise-Nigeria still being a (half)-jungle where might is still right
What will be the end of this matter? I can swear on the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea that, nothing, absolutely nothing will happen. I doubt whether the upper echelon of authority of the Lagos State Judiciary will do anything much about the-incident, apart from scratching the ground like backyard hens. After all Meigbope is just a mere Magistrate, not even a chief Magistrate.
If he were a Judge now, one could reasonably expect some more positive and dedicated-reaction from his employers. In Lagos State judiciary, it would appear that judges are the only ones who really count in terms of solid welfare interests. They are the salt of the earth.
Before you accuse me of talking or writing squibish-nonsense (as usual) please consider the following facts.
In 2002, some police-men beat a judiciary staff to a coma right in the premises-of the Ikeja High Court. The staff’s name is Alhaji Olowoyo. Nothing happened to his assaulters, who claimed they came to the court to arrest touts in the premises. Some four years later, another detachment of police stormed the open registry of the same Ikeja High Court. They were looking for alleged crooked clerks suspected of “eating government money” in the registry.
However in the performance of their duties, they ended up roughing up all and sundry found in the registry at the material time, including legal practitioners and their clerks who were there to file papers. The union of workers quickly mobilized to protest the invasion. However before long the organizers of the protest, found themselves out of jobs.
So in the light of the above, I dare say nothing will happen to Meigbope’s assaulters. But mark my words-one of these days a judge will not only be beaten up, but stripped naked right in premises of the-court.
By the way, the first name of Meigbope is Wilber-force, while is assaulters belong to the Police-force Now when force meets force, the weaker one bends.
You get my drift?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
'Have You Heard?' By Adesina Ogunlana
The race is on
The race to the temple
The temple of justice
No, it’s not just any
Race to the temple
It’s a race to
Become masters,
Mistresses of the temple
They are running
They are sweating
They are groaning,
They are lobbying,
Struggling to
Become the Lords
Of the Manor
Lords of the
Manor?
Oh yes!
Milords, maladies
They’ll become.
Now they are
Humble,
Now they are
Gentle
Now they are
Friendly
Now they are
Smiling
Now they are
Nice
Now they are
Doves
Yes, for now!
But let them
Become
What they want to
Become
Then, you’ll
Appreciate better,
The wisdom of my
Fathers
Who said
“Ti won ba fe gba
Awin eba
Won a soju aanu,
Ti won ba yo tan
Won o doko olowo
Won”
The race to the temple
The temple of justice
No, it’s not just any
Race to the temple
It’s a race to
Become masters,
Mistresses of the temple
They are running
They are sweating
They are groaning,
They are lobbying,
Struggling to
Become the Lords
Of the Manor
Lords of the
Manor?
Oh yes!
Milords, maladies
They’ll become.
Now they are
Humble,
Now they are
Gentle
Now they are
Friendly
Now they are
Smiling
Now they are
Nice
Now they are
Doves
Yes, for now!
But let them
Become
What they want to
Become
Then, you’ll
Appreciate better,
The wisdom of my
Fathers
Who said
“Ti won ba fe gba
Awin eba
Won a soju aanu,
Ti won ba yo tan
Won o doko olowo
Won”
Thursday, May 28, 2009
'Why the Brouhaha?' By Adesina Ogunlana
Is that how we are made? I mean, are human beings monopolists by nature? Is it always true as the Yorubas say Alakara ko fe eke lo miran din (The confectioneer wants a mono market) if it is true, then is it right? But can one say it is wrong when one cardinal law of Jehovah (who certainly is not God of only the Jews), is?
“Thou shall have no other God besides me? A commandment which many modern women have very easily adapted to read - Thou shall have no other wives besides me. To this law many husbands of the modern age have concurred with a liberal cache of salted away lovers. A lover you know is not necessarily a wife. I was reflecting along the lines above because of a certain recent development in the Nigerian Bar Association - opposition to the official registration with the C.A.C of proposed bodies of lawyer groups other than the NBA.
I wonder why the NBA has been opposing the registration of these other bodies in the light of the fundamental right of freedom of association, so clearly enshrined in our Constitution. At the Minna NEC meeting in November 2008 and the Oshogbo NEC meeting in February 2009, there were huge out-cries against efforts of certain promoters to register the Association or is it Society of Senior Advocates of Nigeria.
The main grouse of opponents of the proposed group is the fear that it will ultimately undermine the NBA and cause it to become irrelevant. Harsh words such as “wicked” “greedy” “selfish” were epithets freely hung as ornaments on the supporters of the proposed silks’ group.
At the Sokoto NEC meeting just last week, the General Secretary of the Bar, Ibrahim Edward, sorry, Eddy Mark told the gathering that there are some other groups of lawyers seeking registration.
Though there were one or two “silky” voices in support of the registration of these groups, a large percentage of attendees railed against the registration. As for me, I buy the pro-registration arguments of “Sis Funke” (Mrs. Funke Adekoya S.A.N). What the always comely silk contended at the meeting on the issue can be summoned as follows:
(1) The constitutional and fundamental rights of freedom of Association permits and very legally so the existence of special interest groups in the legal profession on account of its size.
(2) The NBA cannot cater for the varied special interests of her numerous members, or at least meet them as effectively as special interest groups, which of course are much smaller entities, and with narrower focus, can do.
(3) The special interest groups can become allies and partners of the NBA to achieve common goals under the monolithic umbrella of the NBA.
I think those opposed to the registration and existence of special interest groups are flying in the face of uncompromising reality.
For those who do not know, there is a law which states that “the bigger an organisation, the higher its chances of splintering into smaller units. And the splintering cannot be stopped. As the children of Oduduwa would say “Agidi or an Oogun o ran.”
I hope I am not being irreverent now but maybe the only major religion that has not splintered is the African Traditional Religion - and that only because abinitio, the faith is already “splintered” into one thousand and one deities and oracles, in a cosmogony that may be termed a confederacy of gods and goddesses with a weak centre of one central Almighty or Super Deity.
I respectfully submit that since the objects and aspirations of the special interest groups must be by far narrower than the NBA’s and can at best only complement the NBA’s, and furthermore since these special interest groups simply cannot have the muscle and stature of the NBA, there is nothing to fear about them.
Now more important, fear or like them, can any one, in the fall of the constitution prevail against the existence of any associations with lawful objects. I have prepared a list of prospective special interest groups of lawyers seeking for registration with the Company Affairs Commission. They are as follows:-
(1) Association of Pot-Bellied Lawyers (APBL)
(2) Perennially Pregnant Women Bar (PPWB)
(3) Lawyers-Without-Chambers Bar(LWCB)
(4) Nursing mothers/Fathers Bar Forum (NMBF)
(5) Militant Groups Counsel Bar (MGCB)
(6) Lawyers-In-Politics Bar (LIPB)
(7) Congress of (Happily and Unhappily) Married Lawyers (CHML)
(8) Landlord-Lawyers Bar (LLB)
(9) ‘Isi-Ewu’ Consumers Bar (IECB)
(10) Bar Against Further Use of Wigs and Gowns in Courts (LABAFUWGC)
(11) Preacher-Lawyers Bar (PLB)
(12) EFCC/ICPC Practitioners Bar (EIPB)
(13) Handicapped Nigerian Lawyers Bar (HNLB)
(14) University Law Lecturers Bar of Nigeria (ULLBN)
(15) Premiership Soccer Fanatics Bar Society (PSFBS)
(16) Lawyers Married To Lawyers Bar (LAMALAB)
(17) Association of Lawyers-In-Kidnap-Rich states (ALAKIRIS)
(18) Foreign Universities Trained Nigerian Lawyers’ Bar. (FUTNLB)
(19) Association of Locally-Trained-But-Foreign Based Nigerian Lawyers (ALOFBNL).
From all indications, it does not appear that the NBA can do any better than any of the above mentioned special interest groups in their various areas of interest. So why the brouhaha?
“Thou shall have no other God besides me? A commandment which many modern women have very easily adapted to read - Thou shall have no other wives besides me. To this law many husbands of the modern age have concurred with a liberal cache of salted away lovers. A lover you know is not necessarily a wife. I was reflecting along the lines above because of a certain recent development in the Nigerian Bar Association - opposition to the official registration with the C.A.C of proposed bodies of lawyer groups other than the NBA.
I wonder why the NBA has been opposing the registration of these other bodies in the light of the fundamental right of freedom of association, so clearly enshrined in our Constitution. At the Minna NEC meeting in November 2008 and the Oshogbo NEC meeting in February 2009, there were huge out-cries against efforts of certain promoters to register the Association or is it Society of Senior Advocates of Nigeria.
The main grouse of opponents of the proposed group is the fear that it will ultimately undermine the NBA and cause it to become irrelevant. Harsh words such as “wicked” “greedy” “selfish” were epithets freely hung as ornaments on the supporters of the proposed silks’ group.
At the Sokoto NEC meeting just last week, the General Secretary of the Bar, Ibrahim Edward, sorry, Eddy Mark told the gathering that there are some other groups of lawyers seeking registration.
Though there were one or two “silky” voices in support of the registration of these groups, a large percentage of attendees railed against the registration. As for me, I buy the pro-registration arguments of “Sis Funke” (Mrs. Funke Adekoya S.A.N). What the always comely silk contended at the meeting on the issue can be summoned as follows:
(1) The constitutional and fundamental rights of freedom of Association permits and very legally so the existence of special interest groups in the legal profession on account of its size.
(2) The NBA cannot cater for the varied special interests of her numerous members, or at least meet them as effectively as special interest groups, which of course are much smaller entities, and with narrower focus, can do.
(3) The special interest groups can become allies and partners of the NBA to achieve common goals under the monolithic umbrella of the NBA.
I think those opposed to the registration and existence of special interest groups are flying in the face of uncompromising reality.
For those who do not know, there is a law which states that “the bigger an organisation, the higher its chances of splintering into smaller units. And the splintering cannot be stopped. As the children of Oduduwa would say “Agidi or an Oogun o ran.”
I hope I am not being irreverent now but maybe the only major religion that has not splintered is the African Traditional Religion - and that only because abinitio, the faith is already “splintered” into one thousand and one deities and oracles, in a cosmogony that may be termed a confederacy of gods and goddesses with a weak centre of one central Almighty or Super Deity.
I respectfully submit that since the objects and aspirations of the special interest groups must be by far narrower than the NBA’s and can at best only complement the NBA’s, and furthermore since these special interest groups simply cannot have the muscle and stature of the NBA, there is nothing to fear about them.
Now more important, fear or like them, can any one, in the fall of the constitution prevail against the existence of any associations with lawful objects. I have prepared a list of prospective special interest groups of lawyers seeking for registration with the Company Affairs Commission. They are as follows:-
(1) Association of Pot-Bellied Lawyers (APBL)
(2) Perennially Pregnant Women Bar (PPWB)
(3) Lawyers-Without-Chambers Bar(LWCB)
(4) Nursing mothers/Fathers Bar Forum (NMBF)
(5) Militant Groups Counsel Bar (MGCB)
(6) Lawyers-In-Politics Bar (LIPB)
(7) Congress of (Happily and Unhappily) Married Lawyers (CHML)
(8) Landlord-Lawyers Bar (LLB)
(9) ‘Isi-Ewu’ Consumers Bar (IECB)
(10) Bar Against Further Use of Wigs and Gowns in Courts (LABAFUWGC)
(11) Preacher-Lawyers Bar (PLB)
(12) EFCC/ICPC Practitioners Bar (EIPB)
(13) Handicapped Nigerian Lawyers Bar (HNLB)
(14) University Law Lecturers Bar of Nigeria (ULLBN)
(15) Premiership Soccer Fanatics Bar Society (PSFBS)
(16) Lawyers Married To Lawyers Bar (LAMALAB)
(17) Association of Lawyers-In-Kidnap-Rich states (ALAKIRIS)
(18) Foreign Universities Trained Nigerian Lawyers’ Bar. (FUTNLB)
(19) Association of Locally-Trained-But-Foreign Based Nigerian Lawyers (ALOFBNL).
From all indications, it does not appear that the NBA can do any better than any of the above mentioned special interest groups in their various areas of interest. So why the brouhaha?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
'Settlement Blues' By Adesina Ogunlana
The story might not be true after all, but I have just finished reading it.
I have just finished reading a story about one Barrister Chima Ejekwolu, presently in the tangles of the law. According to the (newspaper) story, the counsel sent a mail to his client asking for some money to “settle” the EFCC which was treating a petition against alleged misappropriations of the funds of the clients of the lawyer.
The reaction of the client was not expected by the lawyer. What a ‘normal’ or do we say a ‘reasonable’ client would do in the face of such a request is (a) Accept and accede to the demand or (b) Refuse or and reject the demand or (c) accept the demand, but with modifications.
The normal client in category ‘A’ will be more than eager to supply the “settlement funds”. Such funds will actually get to the lawyer faster than his professional fees. As far as this client is concerned, Mr. lawyer is a “correct guy” a smart chap who knows his way about and can be relied upon to find solutions “sharp, sharp” to his problems. From my experience, at least 80% of clients will fall into this category.
Clients in category ‘B’, for any number of reasons, are not ‘settlement-compliant’. They quickly and openly express their disinterest in such “solution tactics” and only the most obdurate lawyer will like to press the point with them. Such ‘pure-heart’ clients cannot count for more than 2% of the community.
Clients in category ‘C’ are, of course, interested in settlement schemes. Like the people in category ‘A’, they believe and trust in the efficacy of ‘settlement’, the only problem is their rather lean-pocket. So they negotiate for a reduction in the quantum of the “sacrifice”. If they come to terms with counsel on this, the coast becomes clear. If negotiations fail however, well the scheme fails, becoming a case of the heart being willing but the pocket, unable!
About twenty percent of clients will fit into this category.
In the normal situation, the most difficult client, will only refuse to play along the settlement road and that would be all. Unfortunately in Ejekwolu’s case, the client was not normal. The gentleman not only refused to fund any settlement scheme but, went ahead to do the unthinkable-: reported the barrister to the very EFCC?
The rest, as they say, is history. Ejekwolu will soon be arraigned by the EFCC before a law court for allegedly trying to be a “correct guy”. I was not shocked at Ejekwolu client’s behaviour. The man is not from Nigeria or from West Africa or even from Africa. The man is a German. A German who obviously does not believe in the adage when in Rome, do as Romans do!
If indeed the allegation against Ejekwolu is true, you may not blame him too much. The route of “settlement” was the one tried by many of those senior wealthy and influential lawyers you see today in their various levels of “success” and “performance.”
I have just finished reading a story about one Barrister Chima Ejekwolu, presently in the tangles of the law. According to the (newspaper) story, the counsel sent a mail to his client asking for some money to “settle” the EFCC which was treating a petition against alleged misappropriations of the funds of the clients of the lawyer.
The reaction of the client was not expected by the lawyer. What a ‘normal’ or do we say a ‘reasonable’ client would do in the face of such a request is (a) Accept and accede to the demand or (b) Refuse or and reject the demand or (c) accept the demand, but with modifications.
The normal client in category ‘A’ will be more than eager to supply the “settlement funds”. Such funds will actually get to the lawyer faster than his professional fees. As far as this client is concerned, Mr. lawyer is a “correct guy” a smart chap who knows his way about and can be relied upon to find solutions “sharp, sharp” to his problems. From my experience, at least 80% of clients will fall into this category.
Clients in category ‘B’, for any number of reasons, are not ‘settlement-compliant’. They quickly and openly express their disinterest in such “solution tactics” and only the most obdurate lawyer will like to press the point with them. Such ‘pure-heart’ clients cannot count for more than 2% of the community.
Clients in category ‘C’ are, of course, interested in settlement schemes. Like the people in category ‘A’, they believe and trust in the efficacy of ‘settlement’, the only problem is their rather lean-pocket. So they negotiate for a reduction in the quantum of the “sacrifice”. If they come to terms with counsel on this, the coast becomes clear. If negotiations fail however, well the scheme fails, becoming a case of the heart being willing but the pocket, unable!
About twenty percent of clients will fit into this category.
In the normal situation, the most difficult client, will only refuse to play along the settlement road and that would be all. Unfortunately in Ejekwolu’s case, the client was not normal. The gentleman not only refused to fund any settlement scheme but, went ahead to do the unthinkable-: reported the barrister to the very EFCC?
The rest, as they say, is history. Ejekwolu will soon be arraigned by the EFCC before a law court for allegedly trying to be a “correct guy”. I was not shocked at Ejekwolu client’s behaviour. The man is not from Nigeria or from West Africa or even from Africa. The man is a German. A German who obviously does not believe in the adage when in Rome, do as Romans do!
If indeed the allegation against Ejekwolu is true, you may not blame him too much. The route of “settlement” was the one tried by many of those senior wealthy and influential lawyers you see today in their various levels of “success” and “performance.”
'Partners?' By Adesina Ogunlana
Who is a partner? If you expect me to inquire the oracles of a dictionary for an answer, then you’ll be waiting for Godot.
Of course we all have a fair idea of who a partner is. A partner is one who is a part of a common enterprise with another. A partner is a contributor to the prosecution and achievement of particular goals. If the goal is conjugal you call him a spouse, when martial, you tag him comrade, when criminal you label him accomplice, when nationalistic, you dub him patriot, when romantic, you call him lover, when political or artistic or intellectual you deign him a collaborator, when sportish a mate. And so on, and so forth.
Many people especially lawyers like to imagine that the Bar, the general constituency of all legal practitioners and the Bench the occupational constituency of a tiny percentage of legal practitioners are not only partners but partners in progress.
But is this really true? Lawyers and Judges dress and talk alike. They share a common place of operation or theatre of action so to say – the court. Even more, they share in the use of a common professional currency – law. While one submits on it, the other interpretes it. The ultimate proof that lawyers and judges are birds of a feather, or beans of the same pod is the fact that they learnt their basic trade at the feet of the same sage – the Nigerian Law School.
When the Bar and the Bench meet officially, outside the court-room, it is common to hear sweet, sentiments of the alleged “indivisible bond” between the Bar and the Bench, and their mutual and symbiotic dependence on each other. Of course the deceit doesn’t end until the panjandrums of the Judiciary declare that “the Bar is the mother of the Bench” and, “no Bar, no Bench”. I call it deceit because, at least speaking from the background of my Lagos State experience. Since I started practicing in this State-City of Ologunkutere, Esugbayi-Eleko and Fashola and that’s not three days ago, the Bench has never treated, the bar at least in the most part and time as partners. Master-servant relationship is actually more like it.
Individually, the average or do I say, normal judge does not see himself any longer a lawyer. Worse, he sees himself as not only a superior being but in fact a much better human being than lawyers. Let’s face it, many judges forget they are indeed and in truth nothing more than “promoted lawyers”. As a group and in formal relationships with the Bar, the Lagos Judiciary has the custom, of considering and treating the Bar, at the best of times as a poor irksome cousin and at the worst and more common times, as a serf-subordinate, fit for slight consideration as a last resort.
Many judges live by different rules from lawyers. It is the judge who comes late, very late indeed sometimes to work and feels no qualms. If he eventually sits and still has the grace to make perfunctory excuses as to his lateness, he invariably expects to be applauded for doing what was only proper. Interestingly this sort of judges has no care or consideration when counsel come late to their courts. Even when counsel make profuse explanations and tender even the most pathetic apologies, the judges refuses to budge.
It is the very judge who without any notice to counsel fails to come to court, causing social and financial dislocation to counsel and their clients. Nobody asks the judge to pay any cost for his misdemeanor. But when a counsel is absent from court, then all hell is let loose, as the judge literally catches fire. Before long, dire threats are issued from the Bench “If by the next adjourned date-:…………
A judge finds it convenient to be rude, even out rightly abusive of counsel. Ha, after all he is judge. But can a lawyer do that?
If any body is still in any doubt about the contempt in which the Bench holds the Bar in Lagos State, he only needs to consider the age-long attitude of the Bench to the marking of the Annual Law Weeks of the Bars in Lagos State. Let me give the attitude of the Bench a name. It is this –“an attitude of deceptive non-reaction, quiet but potent sabotage.
When the bar holds her week, the bench in Lagos State no matter the level of invitation behaves largely dumb and deaf, giving the distinct impression that she is not aware of the celebration of the bar. So judges and magistrates fix dates regardless of the programmes of the bar. Out of about nearly two hundred judges and magistrates in the State, the bar cannot hope to get even a tenth of that number of judex to attend their programmes. Partners indeed!
Of course because the courts do not consider the bar in her week, such celebration often record low attendance of even the lawyers themselves as a good majority troop to the courts, to satisfy their clients and for their daily bread. At the Dinner of the Ikeja Bar last week, at the Sheraton Hotel, I saw two out of the three heads of the state government at the occasion. No prize for guessing right, the absent one-the Chief Judge of course! As if that was not enough, of all the 50 judges of the State High Court and God knows the numbers of the judges at the Federal High court Lagos State division, only one and one only turned up at the dinner. And this judge, well understandably was once a chairman of the Lagos Bar. Little wonder, then!
And they say we are partners!
Of course we all have a fair idea of who a partner is. A partner is one who is a part of a common enterprise with another. A partner is a contributor to the prosecution and achievement of particular goals. If the goal is conjugal you call him a spouse, when martial, you tag him comrade, when criminal you label him accomplice, when nationalistic, you dub him patriot, when romantic, you call him lover, when political or artistic or intellectual you deign him a collaborator, when sportish a mate. And so on, and so forth.
Many people especially lawyers like to imagine that the Bar, the general constituency of all legal practitioners and the Bench the occupational constituency of a tiny percentage of legal practitioners are not only partners but partners in progress.
But is this really true? Lawyers and Judges dress and talk alike. They share a common place of operation or theatre of action so to say – the court. Even more, they share in the use of a common professional currency – law. While one submits on it, the other interpretes it. The ultimate proof that lawyers and judges are birds of a feather, or beans of the same pod is the fact that they learnt their basic trade at the feet of the same sage – the Nigerian Law School.
When the Bar and the Bench meet officially, outside the court-room, it is common to hear sweet, sentiments of the alleged “indivisible bond” between the Bar and the Bench, and their mutual and symbiotic dependence on each other. Of course the deceit doesn’t end until the panjandrums of the Judiciary declare that “the Bar is the mother of the Bench” and, “no Bar, no Bench”. I call it deceit because, at least speaking from the background of my Lagos State experience. Since I started practicing in this State-City of Ologunkutere, Esugbayi-Eleko and Fashola and that’s not three days ago, the Bench has never treated, the bar at least in the most part and time as partners. Master-servant relationship is actually more like it.
Individually, the average or do I say, normal judge does not see himself any longer a lawyer. Worse, he sees himself as not only a superior being but in fact a much better human being than lawyers. Let’s face it, many judges forget they are indeed and in truth nothing more than “promoted lawyers”. As a group and in formal relationships with the Bar, the Lagos Judiciary has the custom, of considering and treating the Bar, at the best of times as a poor irksome cousin and at the worst and more common times, as a serf-subordinate, fit for slight consideration as a last resort.
Many judges live by different rules from lawyers. It is the judge who comes late, very late indeed sometimes to work and feels no qualms. If he eventually sits and still has the grace to make perfunctory excuses as to his lateness, he invariably expects to be applauded for doing what was only proper. Interestingly this sort of judges has no care or consideration when counsel come late to their courts. Even when counsel make profuse explanations and tender even the most pathetic apologies, the judges refuses to budge.
It is the very judge who without any notice to counsel fails to come to court, causing social and financial dislocation to counsel and their clients. Nobody asks the judge to pay any cost for his misdemeanor. But when a counsel is absent from court, then all hell is let loose, as the judge literally catches fire. Before long, dire threats are issued from the Bench “If by the next adjourned date-:…………
A judge finds it convenient to be rude, even out rightly abusive of counsel. Ha, after all he is judge. But can a lawyer do that?
If any body is still in any doubt about the contempt in which the Bench holds the Bar in Lagos State, he only needs to consider the age-long attitude of the Bench to the marking of the Annual Law Weeks of the Bars in Lagos State. Let me give the attitude of the Bench a name. It is this –“an attitude of deceptive non-reaction, quiet but potent sabotage.
When the bar holds her week, the bench in Lagos State no matter the level of invitation behaves largely dumb and deaf, giving the distinct impression that she is not aware of the celebration of the bar. So judges and magistrates fix dates regardless of the programmes of the bar. Out of about nearly two hundred judges and magistrates in the State, the bar cannot hope to get even a tenth of that number of judex to attend their programmes. Partners indeed!
Of course because the courts do not consider the bar in her week, such celebration often record low attendance of even the lawyers themselves as a good majority troop to the courts, to satisfy their clients and for their daily bread. At the Dinner of the Ikeja Bar last week, at the Sheraton Hotel, I saw two out of the three heads of the state government at the occasion. No prize for guessing right, the absent one-the Chief Judge of course! As if that was not enough, of all the 50 judges of the State High Court and God knows the numbers of the judges at the Federal High court Lagos State division, only one and one only turned up at the dinner. And this judge, well understandably was once a chairman of the Lagos Bar. Little wonder, then!
And they say we are partners!
'I Suspect Uwais' By Adesina Ogunlana
Yes I suspect him, Uwais that is. I suspect Mohammed Lawal Uwais. By the way how many other Uwaises have we, apart from Uwais, formerly of the Supreme Court. Formerly the Chief Judge of Nigeria.
I suspect Uwais, because the good book says “By their fruits you shall know them”. And I am aware that an English adage exists which declares as follows:- show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. Indeed the Anglo-Saxon have another similar adage which proclaims- “Birds of a feather flock together”.
I suspect Uwais. He looks gentle and talks softly, but I am not fooled. Others may be. Yes he is from the North, where radicals, agitators are as common as palm wine in Buckingham palace.
Yes he stayed an incredible twenty seven years in the Supreme Court and for almost as many of these years remained anonymous as just another judicial cardinal, but am I fooled?
I suspect Uwais. Yes he does not eat fire and does not spilt fire. There is no thunder in his voice, neither does he emit smoke. Will you see him with the red little book? No. Could he have participated in the storming of the Bastilles? No?
I know he could never have been in places like the Ogoni’s Kaaima’s declaration or Emuke (M.K.O) Abiola’s epetedo declaration. Nonetheless I distrust him no less.
I suspect Uwais. Yes he is no man to be seen at Ralhes and you will sooner label an angel a militant or an insurgent them Uwais. But I tell you, you need to watch the man.
I suspect Uwais. People say he cannot get past stanza I of the universal Anthem of all “Aluta” cadres-“Solidarity Forever” before getting lost in the musical woods of ‘struggle’ yet I am not impressed.
I suspect Uwais. What’s manner of a dove do you see flying smugly in the company of hawks? Beware of such doves. What manner of lambs, do you see frolic endlessly with solves?
I suspect Uwais. And I have been taking notice of him, for some years now. He is particularly interested in the programmes and events of the most radical, progressive and dynamic branch of the NBA. And don’t mention Gani Fawehinmi, you can be sure Uwais will be there.
Last week, Wednesday, I was at the very important chambers of Abdul Ganiyu Fawehinmi. There were about a hundred other persons there. They all came for the birthday party of Gani and book presentation about the same icon. Gani himself was not there. I saw interesting characters like the disunited duo of Dr. Frederick Fasheun and the now chubby faced Gani Adams, both of the Oodua Peoples’ Congress, on the high table.
Chief among these tasty characters was M.L. Uwais. He was, indeed the chairman of the occasion looking very much at ease.
Still waters run deep indeed. Jesus, the Christ had his Joseph. Not Joseph, his mother’s husband. Joseph of Arimathea. It was this same Uwais who was giving an assignment to look into our electoral laws what gentle Uwais ended up with is a bomb that is giving his employers’ gamboling head-ache.
But it serve his employers right. A man must always pay for his follies. Why should any sensible establishment give such a delicate job of reformation of redesigning of conduct of the methodology of gaining political power to a strong ally of the No1 anti-establishment figure-Gani-Fawehinmi?
I suspect Uwais. He was in the Supreme Court when that court saved Gani from economic rain in his epic legal battle with military chiefs, Halilu Akilu and Tunde Togun? And was it not in the reign of Uwais as Chief Justice of Nigeria that Gani eventually became a Senior Advocate of Nigeria.
Honestly, I suspect Uwais. I suspect that he is one of them. Them radicals. Them patriots.
I suspect Uwais, because the good book says “By their fruits you shall know them”. And I am aware that an English adage exists which declares as follows:- show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. Indeed the Anglo-Saxon have another similar adage which proclaims- “Birds of a feather flock together”.
I suspect Uwais. He looks gentle and talks softly, but I am not fooled. Others may be. Yes he is from the North, where radicals, agitators are as common as palm wine in Buckingham palace.
Yes he stayed an incredible twenty seven years in the Supreme Court and for almost as many of these years remained anonymous as just another judicial cardinal, but am I fooled?
I suspect Uwais. Yes he does not eat fire and does not spilt fire. There is no thunder in his voice, neither does he emit smoke. Will you see him with the red little book? No. Could he have participated in the storming of the Bastilles? No?
I know he could never have been in places like the Ogoni’s Kaaima’s declaration or Emuke (M.K.O) Abiola’s epetedo declaration. Nonetheless I distrust him no less.
I suspect Uwais. Yes he is no man to be seen at Ralhes and you will sooner label an angel a militant or an insurgent them Uwais. But I tell you, you need to watch the man.
I suspect Uwais. People say he cannot get past stanza I of the universal Anthem of all “Aluta” cadres-“Solidarity Forever” before getting lost in the musical woods of ‘struggle’ yet I am not impressed.
I suspect Uwais. What’s manner of a dove do you see flying smugly in the company of hawks? Beware of such doves. What manner of lambs, do you see frolic endlessly with solves?
I suspect Uwais. And I have been taking notice of him, for some years now. He is particularly interested in the programmes and events of the most radical, progressive and dynamic branch of the NBA. And don’t mention Gani Fawehinmi, you can be sure Uwais will be there.
Last week, Wednesday, I was at the very important chambers of Abdul Ganiyu Fawehinmi. There were about a hundred other persons there. They all came for the birthday party of Gani and book presentation about the same icon. Gani himself was not there. I saw interesting characters like the disunited duo of Dr. Frederick Fasheun and the now chubby faced Gani Adams, both of the Oodua Peoples’ Congress, on the high table.
Chief among these tasty characters was M.L. Uwais. He was, indeed the chairman of the occasion looking very much at ease.
Still waters run deep indeed. Jesus, the Christ had his Joseph. Not Joseph, his mother’s husband. Joseph of Arimathea. It was this same Uwais who was giving an assignment to look into our electoral laws what gentle Uwais ended up with is a bomb that is giving his employers’ gamboling head-ache.
But it serve his employers right. A man must always pay for his follies. Why should any sensible establishment give such a delicate job of reformation of redesigning of conduct of the methodology of gaining political power to a strong ally of the No1 anti-establishment figure-Gani-Fawehinmi?
I suspect Uwais. He was in the Supreme Court when that court saved Gani from economic rain in his epic legal battle with military chiefs, Halilu Akilu and Tunde Togun? And was it not in the reign of Uwais as Chief Justice of Nigeria that Gani eventually became a Senior Advocate of Nigeria.
Honestly, I suspect Uwais. I suspect that he is one of them. Them radicals. Them patriots.
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