The
average or do we say ‘normal’ human being, naturally craves the good life. Now,
what is the good life? The answer, you get, I guess will differ from various
respondents. Certainly the Epicurean’s understanding of the Good Life will
hardly match the Stoic’s talk less the Socratic’s or the Cynic’s.
However
I think I can reasonably speak for the class of the people slapped about, trod
upon and generally stigmatized as ‘the
common man.’ After all, I am and have always been a member of the much said
pilloried class.
The
common man’s idea of the G.L is the
one that easily assures him of a constant gratification of his appetites and
the attendent vain glories and vanities. The common man wants to have the
satisfaction of salacious meals, thrilling kindling, rippling riches that
provide beyond basic necessaries of life but luxuries that flatter the ego, warm
the cockles, swell the pride and make man mistake mere terra firma for the
clime celestial.
In
ages past, where might more brazenly spoke, the good life could be acquired by
brutal force and brutish might. But no longer, except you are a king-pin in a banana republic or a king-kong in a rapidly fading state.
In
these times, you need more subtlety than brawn to succeed at getting the good
life. In Nigeria there are many sensible ways of getting the good life such as
becoming:
a
high level politician and national or state or local government ‘cake-minder.’
a ‘yahoo-yahoo’
wonder specialist.
a prosperity
minister and miracle worker.
a
mega-bank owner.
a
repentant militant turned oil-pipe ‘protector.’
All
the above options are good but offer a lot of stress. There are, I tell you,
less stressful ways of getting the good life, at least in obodo Nigeria.
I
tell you one - try and become a high court judge in Lagos State. You just try
and you will see what will become of your purse in a short-while. You may be a
struggling private legal practitioner now, struggling to pay your cribbed
office rent, struggling to pay staff salaries, struggling to maintain your car,
struggling to maintain your children in school, struggling to develop a
property. In short, struggling to keep afloat.
You
may be a miserable state counsel now, don’t mind those big and deceptive titles
they add to your ‘state counselship,’ “Rat na Rat.” As far I know the only titles worth their ring in the Ministry
of Justice belong to the Generals, to wit, the Atannije-General and the Solisuitor-General.
As a
state counsel we all know your life of civil service salary struggles. Your
struggling may even be more active than that of the private legal practitioner.
It’s generally a life of “patch and
watch” except for those who know how to fraudulently add 2 to 2 in order to
get 2000.
You
may be a Chief Magistrate now, the poor Lords and Duchesses of the well known
lower Bench. The lower Bench, everybody knows, is occupied by the “poor
cousins” in the Judiciary.
When
the “rich cousins” a.k.a “high court judges” gobble caviar and swill champagne
you only exist on “asoro elepo rederede”
(Yam Pottage) and your imbibation is limited to Zobo! But whatever your
condition, should you manage to become a judge of the Lagos State Bench, your
purse will suffer or rather enjoy the density of obesity. Almost immediately.
These
are part of the goodies that will cling to you evermore:
Minimum
of 1.5 million naira monthly salary.
Ownership
of stately jeeps, (no Tokunbos) and changeable every four years by the
government.
Yearly
allocation of between 10 – 20 million naira under many “ welfare package
headings.”
Ownership
(not tenant ship) of at least of a choice home in a choice location (worth no
less than #150 million naira).
Stewarded
Life of drivers, secretaries, orderlies, assistants and sundry man-Fridays and
girl-Saturdays.
Job-security,
except you become extremely stupid, reckless and without a functional God-parent.
Life
is so good on the Lagos Bench now that wise lawyers don’t strive to become Silks
again. Silks? Silks banza, they say.
Why go for brass when gold is there for the plucking, especially if you are not
just a Lagos lawyer but a Lagosian Lagos lawyer!
Curiously,
despite the heavy perks and mouth-watering benefits attached to having a place
on the Lagos Bench, I for one, cannot see a dramatic improvement in the quality
of service delivery on the part of judges. I cannot perceive, except in a
minority of our judicial potentates a keen and glaring commitment to sparkling industry
and roaring productivity commensurate to the rich blessings of their
employment. The inevitable conclusion is that judicial appointment in Lagos
state is only so: a gate-way for many appointees to hedonism and self-aggrandizement
and not for consummate and public-spirited service. Sad? Tragic!
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