'Jones and Jane' By Adesina Ogunlana

Vol 8 No 10 26th November 2007

THE LEARNED SQUIB

My attention was very recently drawn to a rather juicy morsel of news. The morsel was a part of the info wrap laid in the confines of a news-plate-the Independent Newspaper of Thursday October 25 2007.

The morsel of news in question had an ‘ear-watering’ title “LAW SCHOOL EXPELS SEXY COUPLE”. It was when I bit into the news, that I realised that the couple was not flung out of the lawyer’s bakery for been sex-y, but being sex-ual.

It would even appear that the un-named couple, hereinafter called Jones and Jane, got the marching orders not because they were just sex-ual, but because they were ‘sex-ual’ in the open. According to the short, snappy and tasty strip of news, the couple was caught ‘pants down’ by the “dreaded” security marshals of the law school pants down for “doing it” at the back of the library.”

After a deep reflection on the matter, I concluded that the couple’s real sin was not being sexy, or sexual or openly sexual but being unlawyerly enough to be caught “doing it” and doing it “pants down.”

I am not even very sure that the Law School has been very fair to these true son and daughter of Adam and Eve. For obeying the law of nature, which says that when fire meets petrol, there must be combustion and explosion, Jones and Jane are now denied the opportunity of realising their dreams of becoming inhabitants of the Nigerian Bar!

Seriously speaking, that’s a punishment greatly exceeding the offence. The authorities of the Law School should put the following points into consideration in turning the expulsion into suspension and a short one at that.

{1} Abuja in Octobers is a hot city and the work-load of the Law School is heavy, so students, even teachers need to cool down to maintain their sanity.

{2} Jones and Jane engaged in consensual, heterosexual activity, and not forced or homosexual liaisons.

{3} Jones and Jane did not explore themselves in the innards of the library thereby desecrating it, rather they betook themselves to the back of the house of books to re-enact the sweltering saga of Richard and Tatiana in Big Brother Africa 2

{4} Jones and Jane straight-away admitted their deed of basic biology and did not make any smart-alec moves to turn the table against their captors, the so called dreaded Law School marshals.

{5} The Law School itself is becoming very modern: at least students now must own {by hook or crook} lap-tops and so the open body-in-body interaction of Jones and Jane should be seen as one of the signs and trends of these modern times.

{6} Finally, the authorities should realise that to {have} sex is human, very human and to forgive is divine. So Jones and Jane should be recalled. I rest my case.

Upon recall, Jones and Jane should be sent to different campuses. One should be sent to Kano while the other should be taken to Enugu or Lagos. With such a measure, I believe the only possible place they can meet again in common is either at the NYSC Camp or the altar.

I, prefer the latter.