'New Year Resolutions For Lawyers' By Adesina Ogunlana

Vol 7 No 13 15th January 2007

THE LEARNED SQUIB



I may be wrong but I suspect that should the Rapture take place at 12.00 a.m on 31st December of any year, Nigerians will constitute an overwhelming majority of those that would make Heaven.

This is because the 31st December of every year especially the 23rd hour to the 24th is the holiest, soberest, time for Nigerians. So quiet, reflective do we all become in that hour that nobody could have guessed that some few hours, days, weeks, months ago, we were one of the noisiest and most boisterous peoples in the world.

In this rare period of sobriety and gravity, we offer prayers en masse and make pious resolutions for the imminent New Year.

From what I saw, heard and overheard last year in the legal profession, I believe that the following should be part of the New Year resolutions of many practicing lawyers.

DRESSING
I, Barrister John Tetue vow with all my heart that as from January 1 2008, I will no longer go to court in crumpled coats, dirty shirts, or brown, soiled bibs. From January 1, I will come to court wearing only black shoes.

PUNCTUALITY
I, Barrister (Mrs.) Fatima Snailers promise to arrive in court no later than 8.45 a.m this New Year 2008. No longer will I be running and jumping into court late, sweaty and disorganized like I did last year.

INDUSTRY
I, Barrister Amaechi Highlife hereby today 31st December 2007 since the demise of our Lord Jesus Christ, promise as from 2008 to stop attending Owambe parties any weekend that I have a trial, the Monday next.

AMBULANCE CHASING
I, Barrister Gift Ismaila solemnly promise to stop practicing under the trees, hanging around magistrate court premises, or soliciting for clients either by myself or by proxies from police officers and prison warders as from January 1 2008.

SHARP PRACTICE
In the mighty name of the Most Merciful and Munificent God, do I, Barrister Smart Chap, solemnly swear that as from January 1 2008, to be straight forward and open with clients, courts and colleagues and bid bye-bye to ‘jankara’ practice, so help me God.

CONTINUOUS LEGAL EDUCATION
God helping me, from January 1 2008, I will no longer run away from attending seminars and workshops or run away from buying law reports, textbooks, law journals, including The Squib. From January 1 2008, I will rate intellectual and professional pursuits above pepper soup and beer guzzling.

BAR MEETINGS
I, Briefsville Alale Esq., Solicitor and Advocate of the Supreme Court of Nigeria and the ECOWAS Court of Justice do hereby promise to cease from shunning NBA functions and programmes, as I have been doing for the past twenty years. In fact, I will look for an NBA branch to join and will start attending Bar meetings as from this month, (January 2008).

N.B: One can only hope that these New Year resolutions will not go up in smoke before the end of the first month of the year.

You know from 12.01 a.m 1st January, Nigerians immediately rediscover the Naija in them. That’s why hoopla reigns immediately after the holy moment of 12 p.m December 31st.